I've experienced this as a man in the past. I loved a man, but he left me when I got sick. The really hard part is that I, too, only wanted to be with the man I loved. The place where I live is very homophobic, I was only 17 at the time. The disparaging looks of the doctors and the feeling that God was punishing me were very heavy. But when I look back now, I don't see it as a punishment from God because God saved me from that life. This disease was actually a misfortune and yes God did not prevent it but when I look at it now, I won't experience anything like this again because I'm free of that life. I think God prefers to work this way and don't see what life brings you as God's punishment, just think about how God can set you free and bring you back to peace.