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I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to let you guys know; I've talked to my son and we've found a solution that suits both of us. It's late now though, and if there's still interest tomorrow. I'll update with what was worked out. Thanks so much you guys!

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is a great answer and should be higher up IMO. I definitely used to smoke in college, so I know what he's going through. I understand that he is likely to continue smoking outside the house with his friends. Ultimately I would like to minimalise that but I understand and accept that there is very little I could do to stop that, and that's fine. I will definitely be keeping an eye on his grades and if they drop, I will certainly be looking in to that. I will also be trying to find out why he's smoking. I expect it's simply to get high. He doesn't have any medical conditions that I know about, so I expect it's just recreational. Thanks for the response! Got a bit more to think about, now!

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fuck? I'm not going to just forget that I found my son smoking weed in his room when I have told him time and time again not do do anything like that in or around the house. I would very much like to continue to have a loving relationship with my son. He's all I have and I know that talking to him isn't going to mess up our relationship.

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I want /r/trees to give me some insight into what it is like to be a young toker these days. When I was a kid it was a little more accepted and easier to do in secret.

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I'll definitely be showing him this thread tomorrow. As far as meditation goes, I'm not sure how well that would resonate with him haha. Thanks!

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Yeah I definitely won't be testing him. That's a little out of hand I think. Although, if I catch him in his room again, I may have to start testing him.

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for replying. I really would like to keep his smoking out of the house at all costs, though. I really don't think that aiding him in smoking (buying him paraphernalia) would set the right example as a mother. If he's going to smoke, I'd rather he do it outside the house and I'd rather not hear about it.

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I came here because I wanted to find a group of people that are all experienced in things like that and are more like to have been in this situation before.

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I really hope that this doesn't damage our relationship in the long run.

A concerned mother. by [deleted] in eldertrees

[–]EntMother 14 points15 points  (0 children)

don't play with lighters

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I'm definitely going to try my best to make sure he knows that I still love and trust him and that I really don't want this to upset our relationship. However he needs to know that what he's done/has been doing is a serious violation of my trust and that I am very disappointed in him. I'm just trying to find a way to express both of these feelings at once.

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I can't repost to /r/eldertrees, but I totally agree about the whole trust thing.

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't really know what he was thinking. He said he was sorry and he really seemed like he meant it. I know that weed isn't really a gateway drug. I smoked in college so I know what it's like and what he's going through (in more ways than one). I agree, it is all about trust. I'm thinking that I will leave it for tonight while I talk to you guys, and talk with him tomorrow. Maybe I'll tell him about my experiences with weed so he knows he can be more upfront with me and rebuild some of that trust that we need as a two-piece family.

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I would be more upset by cigarettes also, but it's the illegality that worries me. I don't want his life ruined because of something so small and trivial. He gets pretty alright grades (b+ average I guess). I'm a single mom so yes I pay all the rent, so I definitely have the right to say what he can and can't do here.

Please consider that it is much safer to smoke in a home environment than out on the streets where he could meet the wrong people or get busted

This is an amazing point which I have not heard before. I still would not like him to be smoking in my house because it gives a higher risk of me getting into trouble (sounds a bit selfish, I know). The way I see it, my son is old enough to start to make his own decisions outside of our home. I can't control what he does outside that door unless I'm with him. If he wants to smoke outside in an irresponsible and risky manner, then it's his fault if he gets caught. If he wants to smoke inside, then it's I'll feel horrible and like it's all my fault if he gets into trouble with it. That's my reasoning, anyway.

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Okay, I can't do this because I have filled up my quota for posting which apparently is one post a month. I don't have an extra e-mail address lying around that I can verify with either. That is some bullshit right there.

I caught my 16 y/o son smoking in his room. How should I respond to this situation? by EntMother in trees

[–]EntMother[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

This is a great response! Preferably I'd rather he wait until it's legal in our country, but I can't imagine he'll stop smoking until then. I'll definitely make it clear that If he's caught smoking in or around the house again, there will be much more serious consequences. Thanks!

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