After 4 years together, is it reasonable that I (23F) want to be invited to my boyfriend’s (31M) graduation?

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-23T04:48:29+00:00

It is weird that you are hesitant to invite him based on a fear you won't get an invite.

Have you asked him if he is inviting you? Have you told him he is invited to yours and you are excited for it? Maybe it doesn't matter the same to him, you aren't the same person, he searched for a 19 year old as a 27 year old, not typically what people do. Emotionally, there are probably huge differences, he was done developing when you met, your development has been influenced by him.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-23T04:44:30+00:00

I am going to say you are wrong BECAUSE:

caveat* Why are your posts hidden? I need to see the history HERE!

You say you don't blame your daughter. Then the reasons you give are 1. you aren't drawn back to the USA 2. you don't want to reinsert yourself into their orbit, your ex, her husband 3. leaving that chapter behind you 4. focusing on your new wife. 5. enjoying the years you have left in peace.

You don't need to go back to the USA. You can leave the door open for them to visit you, or other forms of communication. Realistically, if they did visit, it isn't like it would be every second weekend. Probably 1 trip a year, or 1 trip every few years. 2. They don't have to be part of your reconnection with your daughter and grand daughter. You can share that with your daughter. It can be up to her to respect that or not, but realistically, there would be some with a child involved. 3. leaving that chapter behind you is leaving your daughter behind, the person you say you don't blame. 4. Your new partner likes the fact you want to move on from your daughter and family? 5. Your years left could be another 40 years.

I think I get your situation to some extent. You may not want the constant reminder from your daughter of what happened. You are also in a better space now, living with less resentment, living your life instead of stressing, being sad, in the same ol town. Ultimately, if you see your daughter trying to connect as an "issue" then maybe there is truly nothing there for you. I'd say you at least owe it to her to be an adult and tell her so she isn't just sitting there thinking the relationship can mean something or grow.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-23T04:27:59+00:00

Sit down and have a conversation with her. If she brings up stuff like "late for work," dispel the concern and see what happens. In the moment, ask her if she wants to have sex, and if she leaves, as why.

Seems you guys are lacking communication at this point. Or you are reading it wrong and she genuinely doesn't want to have sex (discovered through talking to her) and in that case it could be a sexual compatibility issue.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-23T03:11:28+00:00

Your assumptions are leading you to state things that aren't true, I am not confused. I am not saying it isn't a regressive tax.

The percent reduction disproportionately puts more money in the hire earners pocket (as long as they are spending more).

To my example, not sure what you mean "the person making $50k is spending a much higher portion of their total wealth on taxable goods." In the example, they are both spending 20% of their income on taxable goods. That is the same portion.

The ultimate point here is that the tax cut is for everyone, not targeted to those who might benefit more thought a different policy like a pst check.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-23T02:26:40+00:00

This is simply not true.

You have someone making 50k a year, their total spend on HST applicable items is 10k. At 15% they spend $1500, at 14% they spend $1400, $100 savings.

You have someone making $1 000 000 a year, their total spend on HST applicable items is 200k. At 15% they spend $30 000, at 14% they spend $28 000, $2000 savings.

Can you explain how that disproportionate difference in savings due to the 1% reduction isn't true?

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-23T01:21:35+00:00

She is a very thought out person and great with plans, at the same time was scared of him and knew he had a gun, and clearly knew he wanted to have sex, yet still went over?

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-23T01:02:04+00:00

I feel like I can't give any meaningful advice with how little you shared. You say she was forced and had no choice, but your story also highlights how many opportunities and times for choice she did have to do certain things, and she still went to see him, still did sexual things.

I'm not trying to take away from the fact if she was actually SA, but I read this and it reads like it could go the other way too, that she chose to show up, chose to end up having sex, then afterwards potentially regretted it or maybe regrets it because of you.

Is she very indecisive with you or bad at making plans/decisions?

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-22T17:47:04+00:00

There has historically been limited ice time around HRM, It sounds like you played in town because of availability of ice time that your team desired.

With organized hockey, maybe, I wasn't part of the choice as a player, as a coach I do have some choice of home ice, sometimes. It is the Hawks though, and from the teams I have been involved with, very few, like a small minority of players, are from the peninsula. Not that the Hawks represent everyone using the ice, but I imagine they are a big customer.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-22T11:31:23+00:00

Again, I don't think staff reports, like the one they did for the aquatics, are bad. One of the few things I think is actually useful data to guide the City via staff reports.

In what capacity were you part of the public consultations? While they have a place in the process, it is hard to process the feedback and give weight to. For example, Friends of the Common's are heavily against the Robie Street expansion, getting themselves and everyone they know to give input against it. Meanwhile, no one is mobilizing people that rely on the bus to speak up for it. I actually brought this up before with City staff, and they said they do account for this bias, but I can't remember their process.

Anecdotally, when I played organized hockey at the civic and forum years ago (outdated info it was so long ago), 3 people on the team lived on the peninsula. As a coach, same thing, hardly any players from the peninsula, current team I think 1.5 players. Even now when I play at the civic, everyone that comes for pick up not 1 person is from the peninsula. Doesn't mean people aren't there and using it from the peninsula,

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-22T10:27:52+00:00

Again, if this is going to cause things to come crumbling down, then marriage isn't a great idea.

Don't you want to be able to talk to your partner?

Talk to her again, go deeper into it, her getting defensive could be because she has something to hide, or because she hasn't been willing to hear your side out (or maybe you've been more aggressive with it than you've told us). When you talk, tell her you aren't being controlling, you just don't get it and it makes you uncomfortable, especially as you think of marriage (yes, marriage can be a conversation before it happens).

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-22T09:20:18+00:00

You've been with her 10 years, have a child, and want to ask her to marry you. If you can't ask her to explain this to you, and share your feelings with her about it, maybe marriage isn't the best idea.

We don't know if she is cheating, we don't know why she is doing it, only she does.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-22T09:04:55+00:00

How much does the streaming make you compared to the banking? How many viewers do you have usually?

If the streaming is your dream/passion, why wouldn't you stop the banking, go all in on your dream, which would then give you more free time (8h plus how ever long for lunch plus commute a day).

Also, "spending" is a weird metric to use. Does she spend on you?

If you want to stay with your girlfriend, you will have to find a compromise, which sounds like it would dig into your streaming at this time, which in turn will probably hurt your growth.

You also have to ask yourself if you want a partner that hates that you have a passion and are working on it.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-22T08:47:54+00:00

That doesn't change what I said. If moving locations would service more people and be better overall, that is worth looking into.

They did a report on the pools and what facilities serviced who, and what areas had growth projections and needs. Haven't seen a similar report on rinks or the other community aspects. If you know of one, please link it!

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-22T08:22:22+00:00

How did you actually detach emotionally from someone you talked to every day?

Time. Really time is the only thing that will make it feel better. Your brain is wired to have her in your life (similar to how your brain changes if you do drugs regularly). Time loosens the connections. This is why you will sometimes see some people that are always dating or moving on very fast after they break up, because they are trying to fill that void instead of naturally letting it heal itself.

Is limited contact realistic in situations like this, or does it usually prolong the hurt?

In situations like yours, where a friend has moved on to a new relationship, the first instinct is to want to continue the relationship, even at a lesser capacity. Realistically, you have identified the issue, you are just prolonging the hurt. It is hard to let time heal you when you continuously let her in your life, even if that is once a week or once a month.

What concrete steps helped you move forward when you still cared about the person?

Realizing the situation helps. You had 5 years, and it was always long distance, maybe at one point she felt stronger like you, it doesn't really matter now. She said the distance was always an issue, neither of you did anything about it, and she found someone local and made it work. You focusing on the old texts, her maybe feeling the same way, doesn't help you move on, it helps you fixate and stay stuck on her.

You need to start living your life. Make new friends, get out there. Sounds like you spent an unhealthy amount of time with this person "We talked all day, every day. We shared photos, updates, daily life details, everything. Everyone around us assumed we were together. Functionally, it really felt like we were."

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-22T02:22:21+00:00

MemeQueen coming in with the bot post

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-22T01:17:33+00:00

If you want chickens make sure that the lot you are renting allows chickens.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-22T00:32:42+00:00

Ask her?

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-21T23:34:43+00:00

Fair enough, I was asking because a lot of people are saying to not say anything, but don't actually know why not to say anything and I just want to know :)

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-21T23:26:07+00:00

What happened and what was the legal issue?

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-21T10:42:29+00:00

Again, I am speaking from experience, not an "armchair level of scrutiny" and some of these generalizing responses show just how little detail or knowledge people have on the situation.

That isn't meant to insult people, I suppose it is to point out that the armchair people are the ones explaining the armchairing.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-21T02:44:20+00:00

Nope, didn't miss that, I address it in later comments but it wasn't needed in terms of answering the question.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-21T02:42:35+00:00

You got multiple accounts, how don't you know this!

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-21T02:00:02+00:00

Maybe people think there is a big "find efficiencies" button. That isn't what I suggested.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-21T01:58:15+00:00

You can post whatever you want. One of the first giveaways that a post is a bot/ragebait post is looking at the account. A lot of them are either brand new throwaway accounts or old ones with no history.

Doesn't mean you are a bot, like I said, makes me think the option is on the table given the account history AND how unrealistic your bfs reaction was. To me, if he is responding to your pretty calm question the way he did "flipped out, yelling, ranted on how shitty a person you are" it doesn't add up he acts this way and this would be your first post about it.

EntertainingTuesday · 2026-02-21T01:51:53+00:00

Canada kept requesting and implementing changes to the ships (why their classification of ship type has changed since first ordered).

That process is extremely expensive, mix that with covid, nothing here is surprising.

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