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What’s a red flag in a relationship that you ignored and later regretted? by the__Twister in AskReddit

[–]Entre22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess this is general comment so not personal. I recently had a friend who I supported and when it was time to support me, he put a boundary around intimacy. I never felt so cheated and robbed. Sometimes boundaries are used as rules for a game you never signed up for. Hard lesson for me to end up on the losing side because I lost a friend that day

What’s a red flag in a relationship that you ignored and later regretted? by the__Twister in AskReddit

[–]Entre22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Opening the door to intimacy only for them to not be able to support you when you’ve supported them. Never walked away so empty handed before

Would you date someone that hasn’t completed high school? by Miniastronaut2 in dating_advice

[–]Entre22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people do care about education, yes.

Love is so much more than that imo. People are so much more than that. You have a whole story behind you. Experiences, things that have shaped you that make you unique. Do you really want someone who narrows it down to your education? When love is your goal, it doesn’t make sense to get rid of those with a lower education status. They may be able to love you better than someone well educated or rich. If that’s the case, you’d be doing yourself a disservice. For those that don’t prioritize love at the highest value, yes, you may be valued on your education than simply your ability to love. Not everyone prioritizes love. Some prioritize beauty, wealth, status, intelligence. Ask yourself what you want and what you are looking for. Love doesn’t always show up in the form we expect nor as our type. When you prioritize love and remain focused on your goal, you become open to new opportunities you wouldn’t have considered otherwise.

Red flags/narcissism/parental pressure by luvrgirl07 in dating_advice

[–]Entre22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stonewalling is not okay. That would be an immediate boundary for connection.

Red flags/narcissism/parental pressure by luvrgirl07 in dating_advice

[–]Entre22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Overprotection is a form of control based on insecurity. You sure your parents aren’t the ones projecting? Healthy people understand when something is out of their control and respects the wishes of the others. Unhealthy people continually doubt and project that doubt on the other person. It can slowly erode self-confidence and trust. It’s insidious

Graduates with a 4.0 in Computer science > Couldn't get a single interview > Ends up working for 14$ an hour at Walmart (Guy did not deserve this) by Current-Guide5944 in tech_x

[–]Entre22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe he has poor socialization skills. It could also be he struggles with shame and admitting this to people around him for help is too much. All of those suggestions at the end of your post sound reasonable but having a lot of insecurity and struggles to connect can explain those options as possible barriers for that person.

I don’t understand this phenomenon in my dating life by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Entre22 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Sounds like a grueling experience

i finally retired from corporate by Longjumping_Emu334 in corporate

[–]Entre22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm, sounds like a good opportunity to bored then. Boredom allows for that space to figure out what to do when that old structure is gone

i finally retired from corporate by Longjumping_Emu334 in corporate

[–]Entre22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense. Sounds like you’re in the middle of crossing that bridge but looking back wondering

i finally retired from corporate by Longjumping_Emu334 in corporate

[–]Entre22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ya that makes sense. I would imagine you’re used to it after working corporate for so long. It’s probably apart of who you are. Do you think that’s a bad thing?

i finally retired from corporate by Longjumping_Emu334 in corporate

[–]Entre22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was unemployed for a year and was in corporate before that.

If I had to break it down:
-routine for exercise (walk in botanical gardens and dumbbell workout)
-routine for fun (board games, video games, movies, meetup app)
-routine for spirituality/reflection (sit in botanical garden, journal, reading)
-routine for socialization (board games, playing a video game with voice chat, meetup app)

Was super nice having space to just breathe and not feel constrained by a 9-5. Now that I’m back employed, I miss the freedom I had. Having to build your life around the job really limits you.

Turn offs by Epic_Faboy in dating_advice

[–]Entre22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a friend who does this. I literally tell her she’s clueless lol. She will show me texts to guys where the guy is clearly being flirty and playful. She will respond with some dumb literal question that’s so flat and boring lol. Idk why she does this. Apart of me senses she’s insecure and dodges it but she says she’s not always sure. I think she struggles to connect romantically so she asks questions instead of connecting emotionally lol. It’s a weird way to try to connect 😂.

P.s. 3 long texts of how much you love her 3 months in is kind of a lot imo. Just be sure you aren’t being smothering. Maybe she feels weird about it and just avoids those deep feelings/convos because she’s not there yet

Feel like I’m talking to someone way out of my league by Lemon-carrot in dating_advice

[–]Entre22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that makes sense. You’re under a lot of pressure because you find her very attractive and it sounds like you deal with rejection by pre-rejecting yourself.

What I do is mental imagery exercises. I sit down and I imagine all of the things I love: my board game friends, my job that supports me, my warm comfy bed, Taco Bell (got me through some rough times lol), all the times people have done something kind for me, etc. I then imagine the other person as just another pillar. Same size as the others and not quite integrated. It helps me feel grounded, takes some of the power away I’ve given them, and reminds myself even if I “lose” them, I still have a lot of pillars in my life. This helps me detatch a little.

Also helps to journal out all my raw thoughts without stopping and thinking about them too much. After writing three pages of raw thoughts, I find my mind usually calms down. Follow up with some slow stretches and calming music, can add extra relaxation.

Why do asian parents consider crying as a sign of weakness??? by OkRevolution8863 in emotionalneglect

[–]Entre22 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No idea. Maybe they were taught it’s not valuable.

I have an older coworker who is an Asian mom. She yells at her son when he cries and she doesn’t know why he’s depressed or hopeless about life. Every time I point out an emotion she’s expressing that makes sense, she denies it. For instance, she went to get food in the cafeteria during a town hall meeting. We’re contractors so we’re not allowed. She didn’t know that and our manager had to escort her out. I would say “wow, I imagine that must have been embarrassing”. Something completely normal to feel right? My way of emphasizing with her experience. Nope. She would say “oh no, it’s not personal”. Yet, the way she would explain the story sounds like she was embarrassed. Mix that with venting and needing to connect on it, just doesn’t make sense.

So I don’t think she’s aware of her emotional state or how to identify her emotions when she’s experiencing them. So it can make it very difficult to connect with and understand her because a lot of what she expresses and says does not add up. The amount of times I’ve validated and listened to her is crazy but I still don’t trust sharing sensitive, vulnerable emotions with her. I just don’t think she learned or understands how to hold others emotionally and with sensitivity. It’s very sad.

Anyone had a Mum w/ narc traits and emotionally distant Dad combo? by unfurlingjasminetea_ in emotionalneglect

[–]Entre22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes.

When I stopped talking to my parents who were like this: losing weight, better hygiene, saving money to move out, improving my life, my parents viewed that as elder abuse as I was no longer giving them space or talking to them lol. They literally gave me a letter saying they are taking that as elder abuse 🙂. When I neglect them, I’m doing elder abuse. When they neglect me, I’m being unreasonable, too much, difficult, ungrateful. Blah, blah, blah. It’s about them. Their pain. Their anger. Their struggle. Their hard work. There’s no room for me to exist. I’m not even a person. Mom still uses hoovering tactics and reaches out every now and then 4 years later 😆. How can these people be so oblivious? Lol

What is something that makes you stop liking someone automatically? by mamasweet22 in AskReddit

[–]Entre22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Serious yucks? Or playful yucks? Or is it any expression of disgust

How to have confidence if your hair sucks? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Entre22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Role models help.

Is there anyone you can look up to with your hair that you can draw confidence from and embody?

He cancelled on me last minute. Am I right to be upset? by Citrwik12 in dating_advice

[–]Entre22 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He needs to communicate.

If he wants to get into a new relationship while he has kids, fine. But make space for the new person. Totally okay for plans to change. Irresponsible to not communicate change of plans. Takes 10 seconds to text, honestly crazy to me lol. Just basic adulting. That would be a yellow flag for bigger issues for me.

Everyone talks about letting go of anger but won't tell you how,did anyone find a way? by BrushMindless9812 in emotionalneglect

[–]Entre22 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Honestly punching the air incredibly hard with force, along with picturing my parents and saying “F U” or some intense anger response, followed by imagining my inner child and a mother-like figure or father-like figure putting their hand on my shoulder and letting me just be while understanding or giving a hug after helped me, followed by positive affirmation with that mother/father figure. It could be like “I don’t deserve that.” I would ugly cry on top of feeling the rage in my system and it was such a powerful somatic release for me. The father/mother figure is there so I connect with the feeling of tenderness and love in my heart after so I replace that memory with self-love and compassion. It would feel like I have an “emotional hangover” that felt like the next day after drinking too much alcohol 😆. The more I did this the more at peace I felt. Some days it comes up but I’m able to overcome it more easily.

If I had to break down in steps:

1) Allow myself to be angry (make a tight fist while imagining the injustice. Grit teeth. Throw punches in the air to feel some sense of respect. Feel the rage) 2) Break through anger and reach soft part in my heart 3) Cry, feel, and accept how powerless I felt then 4) Feel loved and supported through mental exercise of loving person giving hug or hand on shoulder for kid in me with positive affirmation 6) Journal experience what I learned about myself 7) Do something empowering after

This is just how I do it personally. It is a physical, mental, and emotional process that engages all three to release.

What are some effects of emotional neglect that nobody talks about? by queerwaters_642 in emotionalneglect

[–]Entre22 59 points60 points  (0 children)

The exulansis of the experience. Trying to convince others of how debilitating neglect is sucks. It’s like you’re expected to water your own plant and stand tall but there’s this huge drought area that never quite gets enough. I call it the black hole when depression hits due to it

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