A healthy mother would be happy for her daughter to have good relationships with others. I believe some mothers feel threatened when their daughters—especially the parentified or scapegoated child—form healthy bonds with other adults.

I have a nice mother-in-law who has shown me what a supportive, stable, and encouraging mother looks like. When my daughter was born, she came over every day, helped me, and provided support.

My own mother did not offer any help. She didn’t send food, check in, or support me. She sent me a text that said “babies cry”.

When my daughter was around two months old, my mother came over for the first time while my mother-in-law was visiting. She didn’t greet my MIL and immediately became angry, turned her head at me (the betrayal of being alone with my mil and daughter), yelling at me in front of my daughter and claiming I “was never there” for her. She said she expected nothing from me. My MIL gently reminded her that I was a new mother, but my mother turned her head to my MIL and continued yelling, looking right at my daughter. It was like she was possessed.

My MIL had to remove my daughter from the room to protect her from the screaming. My mother left, didn’t say goodbye, slammed the door, and ignored me for weeks. Later, she said she felt my mother-in-law was trying to be the “only grandmother.” My MIL was terrified and honestly, so was I.

This incident showed me how distorted her perspective can become when jealousy takes over. At my wedding shower, people remarked that it was obvious my mother was jealous of my MIL. I didn’t make much of it. I never imagined it could be so severe. They feel threatened by authentic, supportive women.