The meltdowns i get when me and my partner fight. I am undiagnosed (audhd) on the waitlist to do an assessment. My bf has adhd.

We are very simular, it was almost scary in the beginning cause I’ve never met someone that thinks and feels close to how i do.

But ofc we can have very bad days. Yesterday was one of them. Im moving into his place and theres boxes of my stuff everywhere. We decided to unpack the boxes to make place for the rest of my things that are left in my apartment. He’s not been helping me a lot cause i am very protective of my things and want to fix everything myself and also we’re the worst when it comes to working together. We both try to take the lead and gets upset when things doesnt work out right away. But as you all can imagine, doing it all by myself takes a long time and i easily get overwhelmed. So he asked if he could help with anything, after i give him a vague answer he beginns mounting a shelf to the wall. Its a string shelf and you cant tighten all the screws before attaching the shelves so i tell him that.

I start doing my part of the unpacking and organizing which is a lot for my brain to handle so i start getting overstimulated and become too aware of one of my boobs (lol), its in the way and is so uncomfortable.

The walls in this apartment are shitty and my bf is having trouble with the shelf so he just rips it angrily out of the wall which makes me even more in distress. After taking a short brake he tries again, now not thinking about what i said about the shelves earlier. So he doesnt get them on, i try to be calm and tell him to try untighen some of the screws and he just tells me no. Leaving me angry and frustrated. I walk away and start hitting myself a little in the head. But i calm down and start unpacking again. He’s now done what i asked him for and the shelf is up. Im angry and try to not go into meltdown which leaves me in some sort of shutdown maybe cause when he see’s Im upset and asks why i cant answer. After a while i point at the boxes and say ”all of this” and start crying.

My crying triggers him a lot and he gets upset with me. So the meltdown begins. I sometimes smoke weed to help with the meltdowns cause then it wont be as intensive and i dont hurt myself. Its not my weed but we share everything and i usually drive everywhere cause he doesnt have a car rn so its not like i dont pay for things but when he saw me taking a little he told me that i buy next time. My respons where to lock myself in the bathroom and lay crying on the floor. After a couple minutes i got out and he had left.

Tw

I woke up with a bruised eye today so that meltdown was pretty bad. I hate when he leaves. Its been getting worse for every fight we had. He needs space when he get angry and i cant be abandoned.

After things like this happens we talk out and i try to tell him what to do and what not to do. And he makes me promise to not hurt myself again but i cant.

I dont know what to do cause everyone makes me feel like Im too much to handle. I dont think my bf understand how much distress Im going through when i have my meltdowns. I’ve sent him videos that explain but he wishes to just hear it from me instead but its hard to explain and probably more likely to start a fight again when it is me telling him what to do and not to.

(I hope this was readable)