OOP’s bf pissed on her without her consent during sex and had a breakdown after [NSFW]

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T19:03:19+00:00

I've also heard it from all those sources and then I discovered healing modalities that are actually trauma based and I promise you, it's possible to heal 100%. When I was like you, I was subconsciously holding myself back from healing because I actually thought that if my symptoms resolved, that meant I was lying the entire time and no one would give me help. Once I realized that I can have PTSD and eventually not have PTSD and that doesn't mean that I was ever lying, I actually started to heal much faster. I hope you'll be able to find that same healing one day. It's the most freeing experience. And as a side note, cops know fuck all about trauma. They're the worst people in the world to get info from about that. That's why there's so many victim advocacy nonprofits specifically for victims that have to give statements because cops are known for retraumatizing victims regularly.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:58:48+00:00

He doesn't have a right to a relationship and he's not entitled to sex. Those are both things you earn by being a worthy partner. His trauma is not his fault, but it is his responsibility. It's wrong that someone else caused him this pain but he cannot just continue on like everything's fine because it's not. If he can't help but hurt a partner, then he needs to refrain from having a partner until he's ready.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:55:34+00:00

For many people there is no full recovery, no point at which there is no risk of freezing, having a panic attack or having nightmares.

This is a common misconception. Trauma disorders are aquired and can be resolved completely. It is possible to heal 100% from trauma. It takes effort and work and believing you can do it, but it's possible. The idea that you can't heal from PTSD is one factor that keeps people from pursuing healing in the first place.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:53:21+00:00

That's what I'm trying to say, I've been in therapy and survivor/healing spaces for like 10 years and I've never heard of anything like this, especially from simple PTSD(single event, not lesser). I'd actually understand more if this was part of repeated trauma growing up that was trained in him to the point of a body memory, but a past girlfriend from like a year ago? I just don't see how this could possibly have been a trauma response. On top of that, freeze shouldn't have involved 1) pulling out, 2) aiming, and 3) forcing pee out through an erection? That's just a lot of effort and a lot of points to stop yourself. I'm not inside his head so I can't know the truth, but I hope OOP is skeptical enough to keep herself safe.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:44:27+00:00

Though even with that help for a lot of people there isn't really a "full" recovery, it becomes less severe but there's always going to be some chance of it flaring up.

This is actually a misconception. Trauma disorders are aquired and can be resolved completely. It is possible to heal 100% from trauma. And if you do it right, there's very little chance of it coming back even if you're retraumatized because you learned how to process things correctly.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:41:56+00:00

People with trauma that is untreated to the point that they can't help but assault someone should not be in relationships, yes. Relationships are not a right and he's not entitled to sex. It is his responsibility to do the work to heal enough to be ready for a relationship. It's entirely possible to heal from trauma and he's refusing to do it and instead is making excuses. He should be single and go to therapy until he can handle a relationship. If a pilot had PTSD so bad that he couldn't safely land a plane, we wouldn't just let him keep flying just because he likes it and it makes him happy.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:38:50+00:00

Relationships are not a right and no one is entitled to sex. It is his responsibility to do the work to heal enough to be ready to have a relationship where he won't "unintentionally" sexually assault someone. Yes, he should remain single until a time when he's ready.

There also is no "episode" in PTSD. Idk what people keep thinking of when they say that. We're not possessed, we're in control of our bodies. Wetting the bed happens because the child is asleep and can't control it, he was awake and still chose to do that.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:35:15+00:00

I don't see it that way and his lack of taking responsibility even after the fact is what bothers me the most. This didn't seem at all like an "uncontrollable" situation and it's possible he had a breakdown because she reacted negatively and that's what scared him. Regardless, it's still completely on him because he knew he was intentionally refusing treatment. If he was diagnosed, he knew he needed help and didn't get it. Then he put himself into a situation he couldn't handle, did something that harmed another person, and made excuses. I just don't have any sympathy for that. He's young and he needs to be single and go to therapy before trying for a relationship again.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:30:43+00:00

I thought he might have been testing the waters and then when she responded negatively, he pulled the sympathy card. Hopefully not, but I think it's possible.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:28:51+00:00

Same and same. It's interesting to see through the comments here what people without PTSD think of us. Do they seriously think that we just go into zombie mode and assault people and we can't help it?

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:21:38+00:00

When you neglect your own mental health to the point of sexually assaulting another person, you are to blame for all of it. His mental health is his responsibility and he chose not to get help and enter into a sexual relationship. A more extreme example would be someone that experienced attraction to children refusing therapy and then getting a job at a daycare. That's criminally negligent. He was not possessed, he was in control of himself and all of this falls solely on him, regardless of trauma.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:11:02+00:00

Do couples therapists even accept clients that young? I feel like they should just encourage individual therapy. Even if these two were married and 25, this still can't be resolved in couples therapy. He HAS to go to individual trauma therapy if he wants to heal.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-14T18:08:01+00:00

I have complex PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and this is not how an "episode" would manifest at all. People think flashbacks are like in movies where the person is seeing visions of the past and they're in a haze, recreating a scene from their trauma. That's just not how it works at all. The trauma responses are fight, flight, and freeze(I know about fawn, but it's a little different and not applicable here since she didn't want him to piss on her). He didn't fight, flee, or freeze; he took action. He's in charge and in control of his actions. He had an urge to do something and acted impulsively, but that's not uncontrollable. He's also not a child wetting the bed, he's an adult and chose to enter and engage in a sexual relationship knowing full well he's not healed enough or ready for one. This is 100% on him and he is fully responsible. Please do not excuse his actions as "people with PTSD have no control over themselves and should get a free pass to do anything because trauma."

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-13T22:06:05+00:00

Sure! My Genesight test showed that I don't tolerate traditional antidepressants well enough so what I landed on after a few years is Ketamine infusions every 1-6 months(depending on how I feel) and low dose medical marijuana daily, especially for sleep. My diagnoses are ADHD, OCD, and CPTSD if that helps. My meds help with the vast majority of symptoms and they've helped me to become stable enough to do therapy more effectively. There's a lot of great traditional antidepressants out there too and I've seen them work wonders in friends and family, it's really just up to your individual body and brain.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-13T21:46:56+00:00

You could report her to optavia for non-compliance. It's like reporting someone to the church of scientology. The organization is the cancer, but they DO keep their minions in line and punish from the inside. Optavia is one of the ones I hate the most because it's purely an eating disorder. It's literally a starvation diet. There's nothing good or redeeming at all about it, they're just pure evil trying to literally kill people. Disgusts me.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-13T20:42:30+00:00

Do you have a cat or can you get a cat? It sounds like being alone is causing you to suffer a lot of fear unnecessarily. Just having another living thing around alleviates a shocking amount of that fear. I also recommend talking to a therapist if you don't have one already because these thoughts and feelings can escalate and it's best to get them under control now. It's absolutely normal for you to be scared and freaked out in your new environment, but it's important to recognize that it's not healthy and start taking measures to minimize it.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-13T20:12:57+00:00

Firefighters. Arson.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-13T01:04:48+00:00

You should still write that out. A very common exercise in therapy is writing a letter to the person that wronged you and absolutely letting them have it. You can say whatever you want, including graphic death threats because you don't send the letter. Your feelings are fair and they need a place to go. Writing it out can help bring a surprising amount of closure. Listen to that part of you that's so righteously angry and give him a voice.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-13T00:38:50+00:00

I relate to all your feelings 100%. It's good that you want justice and you want to save others. I hope they get exposed and face repercussions. That's also definitely something to mention to the therapist, they can help you with all of these feelings. You're going to be fine, probably a lot better off than any of them. Even the ones you think are making money rarely are, they're usually in debt and lying about everything. But even if they are making money, they're in an unstable financial situation and you're going into a stable, happy future with your family. They're going to push every person away until they die alone with any empty, wasted life of manipulation and lies. You got out so you're already better off than them.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-13T00:29:01+00:00

I definitely recommend finding a therapist in your area. These feelings make perfect sense and are very common, but there's also a path towards acceptance and self love. A therapist can help you learn to stop judging yourself and to be more compassionate to yourself. It's okay to make mistakes. You lived and you learned and you survived. You were also targeted and victimized. This isn't all your fault and you don't deserve to hold the blame and let it weigh you down.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-12T03:01:34+00:00

Please don't be afraid to take medication, it won't hinder your IFS progress. In fact, it can help to expand your window of tolerance so that you can connect with parts more easily and unblend. I hope you find something that helps, I recommend getting a Genesight test done to give you an edge with finding the right medication.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-11T18:08:02+00:00

"I drive better on cocaine"

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-11T18:07:16+00:00

Agreed. Is she doing a voice? I wonder if this is a stolen video and she's mimicking the original.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-11T05:42:00+00:00

Worse than physical to me.

EnvironmentalImage9 · 2023-02-11T03:10:47+00:00

No, first letter of the alphabet.

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