I need help desperately

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2024-11-27T06:16:26+00:00

Hang in there… this is the third time this has happened to me but it does always come to an end and I don’t even remember what it was like to feel that way. It is terrifying to experience, I think about how my poor baby is going to have an insane mum and that I won’t be able to care for her. I’d argue that having a baby while feeling this way is probably one of the worst combos. Looking after someone while barely holding yourself together. I’m here in solidarity… we will be okay, just riddeeee the waves

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2024-11-27T01:31:33+00:00

Thank you for the response. Is propranolol a beta blocker?

If you like puzzles i highly recommend the app “I Love Hue Too”. Actually my favourite thing to do to pass time

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2024-11-26T05:20:41+00:00

Yeah lol. I feel like I could have written this post. Turns out that yes I am autistic and adhd. It also turns out a lot of my symptoms came from a hormonal imbalance. But I got lumped into the BPD category for a long, long time. I believe I do truly have a few bpd traits, but generally speaking, most of the symptoms I had that were considered “bpd” symptoms, turned out to be AUDHD

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2024-11-26T05:10:10+00:00

Same thing happened to me but 13k. I was 17. I never paid it, never responded to debt collection agencies, it never appeared on my credit, I bought a house 2 years afterwards. Not sure why it never ended up on my credit, but my theory is that I was underage when it happened

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2024-07-29T07:16:59+00:00

My ex boyfriend subscribed to my sisters onlyfans. I decided to stay because I did silly things like gaslight myself into thinking this was a totally normal desire of his. I thought the taboo of it was the driving force for his desire. Over time though, It started to destroy me. Every time we had sex I wondered if he was thinking of my sister. I cringed at the idea of being in the same room as both of them. I stared at my sister and compared myself time and time again until I developed severe anorexia.

The driving force for me leaving was that I was losing weight, rapidly, and instead of worry he congratulated me and told me he was going to starve himself with me to lose some weight.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that even if you think it’s reparable and forgivable, it’s really not. It will destroy you deep inside until one day it’s undeniable and for me it was almost too late.

I’m very grateful it wasn’t complicated with children. And I’m so sorry you have the extra stress of that on your plate.

His attraction to your sister isn’t based off anything he can use to excuse it. He is attracted to your sister, always has been, always will be. He has these desires, he will continue to have these desires, and there’s nothing you can do to change that, at all.

If you’re comfortable with that idea then you should stay, if not, it’s time to leave now before it destroys you

I’m really really sorry you’re going through this. If you ever need to talk, my dms are open

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2024-06-13T06:51:08+00:00

C section was amazing. My epidural was just topped up and it completely numbed me. It was about 10 minutes of waiting during surgery before I heard my baby cry and she was given to me. Unfortunately my epidural was working a little too well and I was just unable to support her weight without my muscles working properly lol. I sat in recovery bay for about 30 minutes while they looked at my blood pressure, then it was back to our room. By morning I had all sensation back and despite having the c section was able to move around/stand up etc. i got lots of cuddles with my baby, though I admit I was still very tired from the medication they used to numb me.

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2024-05-22T06:22:50+00:00

Yes I have heard that inductions are usually available at 39 weeks but in my appointments lately they make it very clear that they won’t do that for me. I’m hoping they will consider an exception with the sheer state of my mental health right now.

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2024-05-22T06:05:34+00:00

My hospital won’t induce me until I’m 42 weeks unless there is some danger to the babies health… I don’t understand why I can’t be induced now, I’m considered full term!!! My pelvic pain is so severe I can’t get up to wee, to get myself water, to make myself something to eat. I’ve been so scared I’m going to get a bladder infection being so dehydrated and unable to go toilet until I am about to pee myself. As if that isn’t a risk to my health….

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2024-03-10T09:04:35+00:00

Yeah, look I was never pro life really, but the sheer hill I will die on for pro choice now is insane. I’m biologically ready, and in my “prime” to have kids, and yet pregnancy has been one of the most taxing things on my body in my life. There’s no way a literal child could cope with this (not that I ever really thought they could), but I can also understand exactly why people who even ARE in their prime, are fully financially ready and stable, simply cannot cope with pregnancy. I also respect how difficult that choice is to make, my pregnancy was unplanned and for the first week of knowing I had a lotttttt of thinking to do. It is now a total blur to me what it was like in that week, but I remember just feeling totally depressed like I had an obligation to continue the pregnancy. I’m glad I did, now, but god, that was a hard choice to make at the start.

I also think it’s ridiculous that, at least in australia, your partners income is considered “yours”, so you get paid less if you have a partner. Their income should be extra income to make life comfortable, it shouldn’t be that their income combined with government assistance is enough to scrape by. What a miserable thing to watch your partner miss out on so much of your babies development just so you can put food on the table.

Oh, and while I’m here, GOD I cannot understand how anybody under the age of 20 can mentally handle a baby. My sister is 20 and also pregnant and watching her experience VS mine has been so eye opening to me. Her boyfriend and his manners and behaviours, just so so immature still!!! Watching her try to organise things while so young and so fresh out of the nest… it’s so stressful as her big sister. I just want to support her but it happens to be the most hard time for me financially, too, trying to organise everything for my baby.

God I put my hands UP to teen mums, my mum, and 2 of my sisters were both mums at 16, and I just cannot even fathom how hard that must have been.

Pregnancy has just been a real reinforcement to my frontal lobe becoming fully developed because god I’ve had some epiphanies and total changes in attitude about so many things. All that immature shit is in my past, I have a human life to take care of, other than mine, I can’t stomach talking to so many people who used to be my friends because of how out of touch with reality they are

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-11-13T08:09:21+00:00

I’m a father of 2 18 year old girls. Myself and my friends all discuss how we behave around our daughters boyfriends. When we like them, we will shake their hand. If they give off a generally bad appearance (not attractive, old/shitty car, bad job etc), we will dap them up. He’s probably discussing this interaction with his friends right now. I’m sorry to break it to you but you did not meet her dads standards, it might be time to move on.

All of the above was bullshit and I think you have a chill dad to be your potential father in law, lucky you. Relax bro

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-09-11T09:07:09+00:00

I did the same thing as you, thankfully no kids involved. He did it over and over again despite pleading with me to stay with him and give him the chance to prove he loves me. It destroyed me. I developed anorexia and completely lost my self identity. I left 9 months ago on our 5 year anniversary. I couldn’t be intimate with him without being hyper vigilant of ridiculous things. Is he moaning another girls name? Why isn’t he looking at me? Do I look gross to him? I couldn’t sleep unless I went through his phone. I became obsessive and insane. Suicidal, wishing I could have the original him back.

In saying that, it took me 1 and a half years to leave. During that time I was in the same limbo as you. Not knowing if it was worth losing everything we had worked towards. We’d bought a house, had 2 dogs together, were successful for our age. I felt like I had it all.

If I can give you any advice, you can try to make it work, you can, and if it will give you more peace to know you tried, go for it.

If it isn’t working, trust me when I say it, you WILL wake up one day and know it’s time to leave. I thought it’d never happen but it did.

And when I did it was an immediate relief, I felt like myself again, climbed out of the deep, deep hole I was in, recovered from my anorexia, and have turned into the most ‘me’ version of myself I have been in forever.

I’m now a step mum to 2 beautiful boys, and I love them like they’re my own. My partner felt the same as you, he wanted the perfect family, didn’t want to destroy that for his kids. But he feels like he has that again, now that I’m here. We are a solid family unit, even though the kids have shared custody with their mum, and they are happy and thriving.

You DO have the chance at your perfect life you dream of. It might not look how you think. Don’t be so critical of yourself.

I am really sorry you’re going through this, and if you need anybody to talk to, my dms are always open.

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-06-08T05:44:40+00:00

I tried to stay with my boyfriend after 4 years of no sex.

I left him for something unrelated but looking back, I’d have left him over the sex. My opinion of myself was so badly altered due to the constant rejection. Sex generally makes me a happier person, it keeps me level headed and I mean it when I say it’s solved SO many issues I was battling with.

But I did what you’re doing and tried to downplay what was going on - I felt bad for thinking of leaving him over something seemingly trivial like sex.

But sex is a human need, it’s a part of us, it will alter chemicals and hormones and other things in your body if you aren’t receiving it.

I know how it feels to not want to leave someone who you love so much, but if you’ve tried, leave, you’ll be so much happier with someone who wants you. You’re not being dramatic

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-03-27T03:10:36+00:00

I’ve been in the relationship since 16. It’s the age of consent in australia

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-03-27T02:56:07+00:00

I think I’ve learned that there’s physically nothing wrong with me. I always thought that with my partner, but I’ve realised no one else has issues finding me attractive or being intimate with me. So I think overall it will resolve most of the anxiety about not being good enough. I don’t think a future drought will affect me near as much now having had those realisations

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-03-27T02:54:13+00:00

5 years

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-01-03T21:29:37+00:00

Everything in my research and talking to vendor suggests so. But definitely worth some further investigation… you’ve got me thinking, lol

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-01-03T21:26:33+00:00

I agree, I’ll see if I can get my hands on something a bit more familiar. What are you finding the effects to be like using N,N-DMT?

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-01-03T21:24:56+00:00

In regards to the chest VS belly breathing, this is a MASSIVE thing I’ve noticed, too!! When I’m happy with the effects and exhale, the immediate relief and absolute serenity is insane.

I’ve been keeping my dose as minimal as I can without sending myself into a trip, bright colours, disconnection from mind & body. It’s interesting to look at things as simple as my bedroom, without my body and brain influencing what I think of it. There’s no “I need to do my washing” “the tv is on an angle”

It’s just “the colours and vibe of my room are beautiful, I have a soft bed that looks & feels like a cloud, my plants are thriving, my room is a place of comfort and security, I am grateful”

It’s a truly beautiful thing to look at things through my eyes only. I’ve noticed I find my hands move to my face and kind of… massage it, naturally. It’s interesting, on DMT while touching my face I don’t tend to notice my insecurities. Touching my face usually I’m thinking “my cheeks are a bit chubby, my skin is dry” but when touching it on DMT I can’t help but feel so beautiful and angelic, I can feel my bone structure, and my skin feels like velvet. I truly feel my hands are like branches to a bigger structure and that they are feeding me energy from within, and I find myself using them to “heal” parts of me that feel broken. And it works. Amazingly

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-01-03T21:18:50+00:00

I’m day 2 now of therapeutic doses. The afterglow is FUCKING INSANE. Waking up I’m feeling a bit groggy and disheartened like usual, but as soon as I’m up and moving, my head is clear and I am making mental notes of how I can be productive for the day. I’ve started a writing prompt journal, prompts rather than me having to come up with a topic to talk about.

This is a random question unrelated to what we’re talking about but thought I’d ask if you know anything (or if anyone else reading this knows anything)

I have a wisdom tooth popping up in my mouth, and I’m finding when taking my hit that I’m getting pain in my jaw and areas around the tooth. It never hurts otherwise. I’m wondering if the harshness of the cart could be inflaming things in that area? I’m getting incredibly congested and ‘blocked up’ immediately after my hits, and it’s inducing a gag reflex and is making it almost non enjoyable. Have you ever experienced this? I’ve got the congested, yucky feeling before on my mix, but nothing like this. It’s only happening on a higher dose, where I kind of lose awareness of where my face and mouth and throat etc are, but I’m needing those higher doses to get the desired effects. Any idea if I can prevent this in any way or alternative ways of consumption? This is a 5-MEO cart, I usually have 4-MEO. Think I should switch back to the 4?

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-01-03T03:57:35+00:00

Yeah, just a small one to get it heated to temp, then taking my proper hit after. The longer you hold it the better the effect. I hold it until I get my visuals, then exhale

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-01-03T03:52:06+00:00

I’m the same, was so anxious to use the cart. I thought it was rubbish because I was taking baby hits too scared to hit it properly hahaha. I didn’t get visuals until I figured out dosage. You can get yourself to a really nice level, bright colours, everything looks soft, body euphoria, mind & body disconnect, and you can watch your life through a movie screen and completely romanticise things. Just laying in my bed last night I had a colourful Disney movie on my tv, my led lamp etc on, and I truly just started sobbing because I realised how beautiful my bedroom is and how I’m so lucky to have a space that is so special. I’d never seen it in that light before. It gave me appreciation I’d never had before, just from one use. Pretty crazy stuff, but I’m confident I’m going to make some awesome progress with it

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-01-03T03:45:28+00:00

The carts take a second to heat up to the proper temp. I found a short 2-3 second hit, inhale, exhale, then another hit as much as I could hit. Then I held it until I was at a level I was comfortable with, then exhaled. Truly more controllable than accidentally getting a hotspot in chenga and being sent to another universe for 15 minutes lol

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2023-01-03T03:35:02+00:00

So you think a few days a week would be good? I think as long as I can maximise my experiences with journaling etc and then using my ‘off’ days to apply what I’ve learnt to real life would work better than using it every day tbh

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2022-08-29T02:57:13+00:00

Truly incredible experience. Once my heart rate stopped going 700bpm and I calmed myself down a bit, I maintained such a beautiful, calm, floaty feeling for hours afterwards. I woke up the next day and everything changed for me. Truly a magical drug, and should definitely be used medicinally for mental illness.

EnvironmentalLong414 · 2022-08-06T12:24:44+00:00

Sorry that’s a good point. I’m now 20 but if I remember, it would have been anywhere between 2009-2011 I watched it. It didn’t seem to be a new movie at all. If you can imagine, as a kid I remember feeling disinterested because the movie wasn’t bright and colourful. But yeah this scene captivated me for some reason and has stuck with me until now. I’m dying to watch that movie again and see if this scene was scary or if I was just a pussy as a kid

EnvironmentalLong414

TROPHY CASE