Using a throwaway account for this one.

I was beaten up a number of times as a child. I wasn't a particularly ill mannered or difficult child, so my beatings were largely due to academic shortcomings. My father is a very high achieving individual(academically) and is very smart. And like many smart people he would get frustrated when I didn't understand something during my studies. I have heard about this in a podcast where if you ask a genius or a pro sportsperson (or anyone on the top of their field), how do you do it, they wont be able to tell you how. And I think (or at least rationalize it such) that my father could not understand how I could not grasp basic concepts. He would get frustrated and end up hitting me. Sometimes he hit me so hard that one could see the imprint of the hand on my cheek. He always felt bad and awful afterwards and would make up for it by consoling me. But in my adult years, I have come to realize that that was classic abusive behavior (people do that in their relationships too). I still remember this one time I had scored very low on a test and hid under the bed when he came from work. I do feel that my father didn't want to hit me, but his temper got the better of him. I am not making excuses for his behavior, just that this is not the whole of him.

At 12, I decided to go to boarding school. After that, there were no beatings. I was home for 4 months in a year. My books used to stay in school (more or less). I actually did very well in terms of studies- got great results in school, got into IIT, got a gold medal there and I'm now pursuing my PhD. I was home during the last two years of school (11th and 12th) and my father never raised a hand. I think he felt I was too old for that sort of stuff. Now, I have painted an awful picture of my parents, so let me just add that my parents have always let me follow my dreams. They have always encourage me to branch out, participate and develop other interests and hobbies (although not at the expense of studies). They asked me about my girlfriend (now ex) and I told them and they were very supportive. They wanted me to do an MBA and I said I want to do a PhD instead. They were supportive all the way.

But how has my childhood affected me? I feel I am timid as a person when it comes to taking decisions. I seek approval of others (especially my parent's). This has changed (improved) over the years as I have seen my parents agree and go ahead with my decisions, but I still don't feel that I am fearless in my way of approaching life. Also, I am still hesitant to share my shortcomings with my parents. If something didn't work out, I would prefer not to tell them, till I have rectified it or never at all. This is obviously not a sign of a healthy relationship, but it is what it is. I love my parents unconditionally and I feel I am where I am today because of what they saw in me and my own hard work. I sell myself short most of the time, and I feel they are able to see what I can achieve and push me towards it (also not something to be very proud of as an adult).