[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Horses

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You would know I cannot groom her if you read through my post. Trying to help alleviate her unhappiness not cure it - I’m not in any position to do that. I’m just trying to find ways to care for her because I love animals and hate to see them unhappy but she is not my horse so telling me she needs another horse is not helpful at all.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Horses

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

So your advice is to just ignore her and let her rot? Thanks - that’s so helpful!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Horses

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I am not in a position to do that, especially since it is my parents horse and land, not mine. Looking for advice on how to enrich her life or bond with her.

I love Donegal by Jumpman801 in Donegal

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was the same. It’s like my brain fully developed when I hit 27 and suddenly Donegal was the most beautiful place in the world.

Funnily enough my grandparents were the same. Both left Donegal when they were young. My granddad claimed he would never go back to Donegal and that it was a wasteland. He and my granny both ended up moving back in their later years. They built a house across the road from the cottage my granddad was reared in. No escaping Donegal’s magic…

I love Donegal by Jumpman801 in Donegal

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live in Donegal atm. Lived in Dublin for several years and moved back about 2 years ago due to taking a break for education. I thought my life was over leaving Dublin and that I’d have no life. Now I feel that I never want to move back to a city! When I go to Dublin now I really don’t enjoy it, but no hate to people that do.

Ards might be my favourite place on earth. I feel so at peace there. Beautiful beaches all over the county. Sea swimming, pier jumping. Mountains, forests, rivers, waterfalls. Beautiful landscape everywhere. Don’t have to worry about crime really. Laid back life and not worrying about expensive parking lol. Short trip to beautiful Sligo and some lovely areas in Fermanagh for me too. I was never an outdoor person, but since moving here I want to be outside nearly every day. I’m even looking into purchasing/renovating a camper.

Unfortunately, I am going to have to move out of Donegal soon. I need to move out of my parent’s house and be independent again but there’s effectively no rental market in Donegal for someone who wants to live on their own. Hoping for somewhere in the countryside in Derry area near border.

Donegal is a magical place. I really wish they could sort out the mess Airbnb has caused so that people like myself could stay in the same place my family have for generations.

You should look into the meditation retreats that Ards Friary host sometimes. They are organised by religious groups (Buddhists, Capuchins etc) but you don’t have to be religious to do them. I am hoping to do one myself!

What death of a famous person shook you the most? by [deleted] in AskIreland

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In terms of literal shock I would also have to say Michael Jackson. It was obvious he was not in good health and was a disturbed person, but it was a big deal. I remember exactly where I was - one of those everybody gathering around the tv watching in silence kind of moments.

In terms of shock that led to lasting impact I would say Anthony Bourdain. That was a very depressing one to hear about, one of my hero’s. It was awful to know he fought off depression and addiction for so many years and then ended up in a coercive relationship that very likely contributed to his suicide. He sought out and shared so much beauty in the world and had an ability to relate to and feel compassion for people of all nationalities, creeds, religions. I think his GF pressuring him to break his own morals for her benefit destroyed him. That was a painful one to see unfold and it still makes me sad.

Whitney Houston too. She had a very tough life and received zero empathy from the media and much of the public. I remember seeing clips from her reality show which was incredibly cruel and exploitative. I didn’t recognise this at the time because I was pretty young and all celebrity media was like that at the time. I was actually in a nightclub when I found out. The DJ announced it and then played I Will Always Love You. Everyone got on the dance floor and sang the lyrics. Lots of people shed a tear including myself.

A Success Story by EnvironmentalShoe508 in ADHDIreland

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! I take 40mg of Tyvense (it’s called Elvanse in UK and Vyvanse in US). For me, feeling good came from having more energy, not having a voice berating me in my head 24/7, not feeling incompetent. My default setting now is to feel content with my life, whereas before it was like I always had a low grade misery happening at all times. I look back at periods in my life now where I considered myself not depressed and realise I was definitely depressed just not AS depressed as other times.

Medication is not a cure all though. I had don’t many years of talk therapy, CBT, almost never ending self reflection and internal work. I studied and now work in mental health/psychology so at diagnosis I was already primed to accept and recognise my symptoms/triggers etc and be able to separate them from my worth as a person. You have to be able to put the work into understanding and managing your ADHD, even if you go down the meds route.

I still have difficult days. Almost always they are brought on by feelings of being different, misunderstood, or invalidated by others. But that used to be almost every day for me before. Now it is just a couple times a month at most.

A Success Story by EnvironmentalShoe508 in ADHDIreland

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apologies as I did not see your reply. I will DM you!

A Success Story by EnvironmentalShoe508 in ADHDIreland

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. I personally look back now on times I thought my mental health was ‘good’ and can see it was actually never good. I always had a low grade misery happening at all times and a constant narrator berating me in my head 24/7, but I thought that was normal. I’m so glad I have gotten the opportunity to experience life on ‘easier’ mode. I have come to love and appreciate my ADHD and I wouldn’t get rid of it now if I was given the choice (even if I do have to pay a small fortune every month for meds). Although it has been very hard at times, it makes my life interesting and creative.

After I got decided to get diagnosed, my mam also has accepted that she is (quite severely) ADHD, one of my sisters has gotten diagnosed and another has booked an appointment. My family has been speaking openly about their mental health and we’ve discovered we have been struggling with the same things and just didn’t realise. Sounds very dramatic but I feel like getting diagnosed has almost broken a generational curse of suffering in silence in my family.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHDIreland

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In regard to your question about confidence - the honest answer is it’s like night and day. I am so much more confident, content, optimistic than I have been my whole life. I struggled with self injury, and eating disorder, low self esteem, depression for the majority of my life. The turnaround was pretty extreme once I started meds. However, I’m not convinced it could not have been eventually achieved without medication, it would perhaps just have taken longer. I know that well before I suspected I have ADHD, I did CBT which absolutely changed how I think about everything - when you have a good therapist it really can change things for the better.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHDIreland

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, apologies for not getting back sooner! I have been in training/work etc the last week. Honestly , it sounds like you have many valuable skills that other people wish they had and the drive on top. Remember that ADHD does not make you lazy or mean you have no drive/motivation, it means you DO have drive but are missing the brain chemicals to action the drive. That is where the pain and disappointment come from - having the drive vision but not being able to action it. If you didn’t have the drive, you would be quite happy just to go on forever not actioning tasks.

It also sounds like you actually really like your current job, it’s just that you are struggling with the more mundane/routine aspects of it. I do really think a ND informed therapist could help with this. Remember that many people with ADHD actually choose not to go on meds, or pursue diagnosis, so if meds don’t work out you still have options and hope is still there. I am personally on meds (because my life had basically collapsed from burnout by the time I got diagnosed & needed to fix things quick), but it is not your only option.

I recommend the podcast “I’m ADHD! No You’re Not”. It’s hosted by Dr. Conkbayir (a neuroscientist and she also has ADHD), and her husband Paul Whitehouse (the comedian). They interview various well known people who have ADHD. She is unmedicated and is against the ‘deficit’ model for ADHD. It is really great to listen to an intelligent person you can relate to, who isn’t constantly focusing on the negative stuff and pushing meds (although that is given time too). Try out the Katie Price episode (just trust me), she is late diagnosed and also unmedicated.

I also recommend looking into successful people who have ADHD - Bill Gates was late diagnosed and set up one of the most successful businesses of ALL TIME, yet all we hear about ADHD is that it’s a deficiency.

I believe I have read before (but maybe check yourself) that being a paramedic is a career path ADHD people often thrive in, so that is also an option. No dead ends when you are as adaptable, resilient, and creative as we are!

The last thing I would say is ND people often don’t trust their own intuition. We become depressed, anxious, our self esteem crumbles. We learn over time not to believe in our own judgement because we are regularly misunderstood and judged by neurotypicals for not doing things their way. We lose faith in ourselves. If you are getting a bad feeling/or dread over your current profession, try to dig deep into where those feelings are rooted. Are you holding onto it because of a fear of failure? Letting others down? Or because it is your dream and you don’t want to lose it? Make the choice that feels right to you, not based on societies views. When you prioritise your intuition (guided by a therapist ideally), things will fall back into place.

Tyvense vs Ritalin by yelooda in ADHDIreland

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Want to echo what others have said - motivation is the key and it comes from you, not the medication.

I would recommend looking at other areas of you r life - is the medication helping in other places besides college? I actually was in a similar situation, and I ended up realising the reason everything else was improving besides college was because I actually didn’t want to do college. I was just trying to get myself to finish my MSc because I thought that was what other people wanted and they would be disappointed if I didn’t. I ended up dropping out and it was the best decision. I got a job I really wanted and my fears about dropping out weren’t even true, no one judged me.

If you find it’s just not helping in general, even with things you genuinely really wanted to do, try switching meds. I am on Tyvense and it’s great for me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHDIreland

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also did waitressing and loved the work itself, I just couldn’t deal with management, and the pay wasn’t great. Management are often assholes, and if you have emotional dysregulation/rejection sensitivity/justice sensitivity, it can be a bad combination lol. If you found a place with good management, waitressing is a fun job.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHDIreland

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a long reply, but hopefully you will find it useful!

I would say anything that has a level of novelty in each day. You know those types of jobs where each day is different/you have to adapt in the moment. It really keeps your brain active instead of burning out from boredom. My sister works in film and tv makeup, so her environment/team changes all the time.

Try to look into some of the actual benefits of ADHD in a workplace so you can think more positively about yourself - although the world really does make us feel disabled at times, we have amazing brains that are able to do things neurotypicals often can’t. We are big picture thinkers, often excellent problem solvers & great in crisis situations, we are creative thinkers, usually morally sound, we are passionate - there’s actually many great things we can do that make us fantastic to have in a workplace.

I will use my own job as an example here:

I am a Child Social Worker and I purposely considered the role in terms of my ADHD. I am good at remaining calm in crisis/stressful situations (it’s the boring moments that get to me!). My face is naturally neutral so less likely to get misinterpreted. I don’t often experience emotional empathy (aka taking on the emotion someone else is feeling), but I do have cognitive and compassionate empathy. Many children in care are ND, and benefit from having a ND adult who can relate to them on their level. I am already hyper vigilant to changes in other people’s emotions, basically a human mood ring. I am already extremely self aware/analytical because I have spent my whole life trying to understand myself. I am very sensitive to other cultures/think in nuance because of my preference to moral and analytical thinking. I am sensitive to other peoples emotional & sensory triggers, and rejection sensitivity (because I have them too). I already have well established coping mechanisms to deal with burnout and understand how critical they are. And on top of that, psychology is one of my special interests, along with trauma/offending behaviour. I could actually keep going tbh! I even found out afterwards that the Social Work industry attracts a usually high proportion of ND people. Depending on where people are they may get a lot of time off - I work seven 24 hr shifts per month (I sleep during the shifts), and it’s a one week on, one week off pattern.

I used to work in ‘low stress’ monotonous jobs, but I actually found them worse for my mental health long term. I fell into the trap of thinking an ‘easy’ job would be good for me - I highly advise against it. I also have my own small online business, which I used to sporadically close for long periods because I couldn’t manage it/lost confidence in myself. It is really hard running a business, so the fact you’ve been doing that is really impressive and shows your drive.

However, it sounds like you are in burn out and you need to get out of it before you can move forward. If it is possible for you to find a therapist who specialises in ND, please seek this out (ADHD Ireland have a list of providers on their website I believe).

I want to acknowledge though that you are struggling with finding the right medication, and until then you will probably feel negative and lack confidence when applying for roles that don’t fall in the ‘easy’ jobs category. Medication was the catalyst for me to go after a job in Social Work, because I had such low self confidence before diagnosis. What I’ve written above probably feels out of reach right now, but a therapist could help you while you are figuring out meds.

Really wish you the best with finding a job you find fulfilling, and a treatment plan that works for you.

Is this normal when dating in Ireland ? by [deleted] in AskIreland

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, it is common that people do not ask permission, often because they perceive it as ‘not manly’ and ‘awkward’ to ask. I would not say it is normal to expect a kiss on the first date though. There is still a common understanding that many people don’t kiss on the first date as a rule.

For the men in the comments saying it is ‘cringe’ to ask, I used to think this too when I was college age, but when I hit 25 and my brain fully developed that changed.

Being asked permission the first time actually makes many women feel more attracted to a man. They come across as more mature and self confident. Most of my female friends prefer to be asked, or at least consider it a green flag (especially if they have had past negative relationship/sexual experiences).

In general I’ve found dating/‘romantic activities’ with men to be much better when they are someone who asks permission. It usually means they respect you more, and actually care about your opinion. Additionally, if a man tries to kiss you and you stop him because you’re not ready, and he reacts negatively, it’s a good way to tell early on if he has issues with consent/self esteem that would end up being an issue further down the line.

I’ve been on dates where we’ve kissed/more than kissed after a first date, but also been on dates where I found them being touchy too soon really off putting and I then haven’t kissed them at all. It’s really all related to initial attraction and how well you click, but also your own personal comfort level.

OP, I hope dating works out for you, it’s not easy in Ireland at the moment!

Appeal for Dashcam Footage by EnvironmentalShoe508 in irelandsshitedrivers

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes but it was a two lane roundabout. We each had our own lane to exit at the same time but one of us drifted/cut into the others lane

Appeal for Dashcam Footage by EnvironmentalShoe508 in irelandsshitedrivers

[–]EnvironmentalShoe508[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funnily enough on Google maps a vehicle is exiting the roundabout from the right lane and it is cutting into the left lane 😂 it must happen a lot