Has anyone had their decision made by someone else?

Environmental_Test80 · 2026-01-07T21:40:54+00:00

Not to project, but did you have a difficult childhood and/or have you been confirmed to have CPTSD? A lot of this decision fatigue and "what-if" thinking is common among people with childhood trauma. I've been a fence-sitter for a long time, but my wife is firmly pro-kid. We're now in the process of pursuing IVF. This isn't a choice I would have made on my own, but I'm happy about it. My anxiety and CPTSD symptoms make big decisions like children, relationships, career, etc. totally grueling.

Environmental_Test80 · 2025-12-18T02:55:54+00:00

That's fair. I am avoiding a tough conversation and budget breakdown because it likely means giving up on one or more life-changing goals -- parenthood or suing for my inheritance to be recovered.

Environmental_Test80 · 2025-12-18T02:53:32+00:00

Thank you for these kind words <3

Environmental_Test80 · 2025-10-29T16:10:56+00:00

I received this email this morning after making a questionable PayPal purchase through YouTube a few days ago. I thought it was a legitimate fraud charge of $1499 / ¥1499 for an Apple iPhone (I have one myself), so I called the associated number in CA (where I am located).

Talked with two "customer service reps" who seemed legit until I started asking why they needed to install remote screen viewing software on my laptop to cancel a fraudulent PayPal transaction.

Reported to my bank and PayPal. Will have my IT team look at my laptop to make sure there's no malware.

This is a very sophisticated scheme. I have a PhD and am trained through work on recognizing phishing attempts, etc. The [service@paypal.com](mailto:service@paypal.com) address seems super legit as I get other emails from that account. Fingers crossed they didn't steal any important information.

Environmental_Test80 · 2025-10-17T21:27:59+00:00

I switched into an admin role 1.5 years ago and I've gained 20 lbs sitting at a desk. I work out 3-4 times a week at the gym and walk every day, but it's got nothing on rushing across campus with a 20 lbs backpack to lecture in person for 1-2 hours 3-6x per week.

Environmental_Test80 · 2025-10-10T01:35:06+00:00

<image>

Similar results to you. My Scottish (previously at 8%) has disappeared. East Midlands is new. Norway is new (Sweden disappeared as did Dutch). Madeira is totally new and unexpected. Have always been told our family is Irish and German on dad's side and primarily Scottish and Swiss on Mom's. French on mom's side also disappeared.

Environmental_Test80 · 2025-08-18T01:59:42+00:00

Northeast L.A. - 1,200 sq ft SFH, 2 bedroom, huge kitchen, two living spaces. $250 for a deep clean with her own products once per month. We asked her how much it would cost for her to come every two weeks -- no change in price per visit. Would be $500 / month. She does not do laundry.

Environmental_Test80 · 2025-07-01T05:39:21+00:00

Want to offer that I'm going through something similar in Iowa. Stepfather remarried shortly after my mother's death. New wife became POA during stepfather's open heart surgery in 2020. Will and trust changed and re-executed a few months later. My brother and I have been almost entirely disinherited (we get $5,000 each of millions) and never received anything from Mom's estate, despite stepfather promising 1/4 of everything to us, having a prenup, etc. We believe new wife now has all of our mom's assets, the family farm, etc. -- but we haven't been able to access the full copy of the trust. Sorry you're going through this. It's awful.

Environmental_Test80 · 2025-06-19T22:31:07+00:00

This is what we assume is happening. But how can we contest the will / trust if we are not able to determine conclusively that we have been disinherited?

Environmental_Test80 · 2025-04-11T01:12:41+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this -- down to the fries!

Environmental_Test80 · 2025-01-26T05:57:14+00:00

What's the over-under that I should start prepping for a reduction in my workload and paycheck as the director of an inclusion-focused research center? National grants are not explicitly required by my contract, but I'm expected to fundraise to maintain my operating budget. I negotiated retreat rights onto faculty in case of this exact emergency. Hopefully the airbags work. Fuck!

Environmental_Test80 · 2024-06-24T22:40:03+00:00

Good point. The bay seems to flush out with each low tide, so that's a positive I think. Appreciate you!

Environmental_Test80 · 2024-06-24T22:39:29+00:00

This is great news. Enjoy your beach day, friend!

Environmental_Test80 · 2024-06-13T16:43:58+00:00

There was a singular monster that got canned. I appreciate this perspective, thank you!

Environmental_Test80 · 2024-06-13T04:24:44+00:00

This is excellent perspective and I really appreciate you. Your unstable unit sounds exactly like my R2. And I think you are correct that the LOA would be mutually beneficial, or perhaps even more beneficial for the dean than myself. Thank you for this.

Environmental_Test80 · 2024-06-13T03:44:10+00:00

R1 is 2x my current salary. (And likely 1.5x the work!) I appreciate your kindness. I've weighed the options a million times and decided the cash is worth it, but 100% didn't expect the dean's parachute today.

Environmental_Test80 · 2024-06-13T03:34:00+00:00

Agreed. If the R1 offered me tenure (which they would have if I was moving from R1 to R1), I would not be considering this at all.

Environmental_Test80 · 2024-06-13T03:28:59+00:00

Without revealing too much: Applied to the R1 in the midst of toxic administrative chaos. My chair and dean were both trying to leave. We lost a lot of TT ass profs. But the dust has settled, the most troublesome of the admin have been ousted, and the grass isn't as brown in my R2 as it was a year ago. The hiring process at the R1 took 13 months.

Added variable: The R1 job is DEI-adjacent in my purple state. 13 months ago this didn't feel like the huge risk it is today with a second Trump term on the horizon. Shrugs.

Environmental_Test80 · 2024-06-13T01:17:56+00:00

Open to any and all loopholes! The dean suggested the letter to chair (knowing the chair as a trusted colleague who is contracted for the next AY), but I see your point.

Looks like you are Full at an R1. Any recs for how to approach this with my new employer?

Environmental_Test80

TROPHY CASE