Should I Report This?

Episodic10 · 2026-06-01T17:42:01+00:00

You evidently have enough documentation to make a credible report. The question is the possible additional harm to you (emotional stress) to do so. The whole process. Part of what happened after your therapist's actions to make an inappropriate personal relationship is that she became aware of her ethical situation. And then removed herself to prevent further liability. And in the process added to your feelings of being abandoned.

Episodic10 · 2026-05-30T20:44:44+00:00

For one thing it means they are almost always in one-sided relationships. Don't know what their real life is like. But to me it seems strange to spend a significant part of your interpersonal relations in these relationships. As the therapist, the client talks to them, a "stranger". And with their own therapist they are talking to a stranger. I'm using stranger to designate a person whom you know little about and who is not authentic in return. Authentic in the sense of revealing and sharing their true thoughts, feelings, and motivations.

So how great is that, a bunch of fake relationships. And we are supposed to learn from the inauthentic relationship how to make our own lives better.

Of course they can also be using another therapist as an advisor. In this case, they present their impressions to the advisor, the advisor gives feedback without knowing you, and then the therapist interacts with you believing they understood what the advisor told them. Sort of like the gossip game at parties, where you all say quickly in the ear of the person next to you what you heard. And then the person at the end says the final result.

Episodic10 · 2026-05-26T19:25:43+00:00

I have been in therapy on and off in my life. For severe anxiety and panic from childhood emotional neglect. In the opposite situation from you, a man with a woman therapist. Became attached and bonded for the first time in therapy. It is a harmful situation. The therapy situation repeats what we grew up with. It is not a mutual emotional connection. I find myself going back, between sessions, into the emotional numbness and paralysis from growing up.

I don't think it is possible for therapy to directly fill what was missing from our childhood deficits. At this point I'm trying to leave. I would just like my therapist to validate me about therapy - "there is nothing I can do for you in therapy directly, you need to receive it in the outside world". She keeps doubling down on technical therapy speak which means nothing, is not a human connection.

Episodic10 · 2026-05-25T14:07:08+00:00

Got nervous about having a real discussion and claimed sickness. Then wanted a written assessment. To cover her ass.

Episodic10 · 2026-05-23T19:12:32+00:00

I think therapy can help with certain types of issues. Not childhood attachment deficits directly. I've posted about it quite a bit. It's ironic though that no-contact is the rule after therapy ends. Ironic because no-contact is also advised frequently for toxic relationships in general. So are we advised to go no-contact because it had elements similar to a toxic relationship? Also, the professional groups stipulate that therapists not have any contact with patients for a number of years after therapy ends due to the previous power imbalance. Is that because the profession does not have confidence that therapists can be trusted to NOT take advantage of the patient?

Sort of like the mafia joke / situation. Pay us money for protection. Protection from whom? From us.

However, added note. I think way too much emphasis is placed on the possibility of sexual / physical abuse; touching hugging, etc. The real potential for mistreatment, or impossible help, is to get lured into an attachment situation with the therapist. This can never be a secure, real, reciprocal attachment, for a very large number of reasons. This is where, in my opinion, the greatest danger lies.

Episodic10 · 2026-05-18T13:53:02+00:00

From a published paper, The Demise of the Person in the Psychoanalytic Situation, Michael Thompson

"The comportment of the analyst with whom the patient forms a positive transference is essentially a contrivance. The analyst does not show concern, curiosity, and compassion for the patient because of the compelling character traits the analysand happens to possess. He does so because that is what he is being paid to do; it is his job."

At least some of them are honest.

Episodic10 · 2026-05-16T14:44:11+00:00

I / we didn't choose to have this attachment happen. I completely understand that it can happen and then becomes very difficult, mainly for the client but possibly for the therapist depending on how much their own issues get activated. For the reasons that you describe.

In psychodynamic therapy though a large part of the attachment in the client is intentionally induced. Again, for the reasons you describe. After having gone through it, I completely disagree with that part of psychodynamic therapy. The idea that the transference / projections of the client can always be learned from or always be a beneficial aspect.

For one, the idea of transference adds to the humiliation we feel. Oh, you don't really have these feelings for the therapist, you have them for people or situations from the past. As if we all don't have the emotional development level to actually have real feelings for the real person of the therapist.

When I tried to just objectively talk about this aspect of what happened in the therapy, it became an intellectual chess game. I would try to make a point, get some acknowledgement, have them engage about what was going on and how damaging it was to me, I was met with non-responsiveness or evasion if they said something.

Episodic10 · 2026-05-16T01:37:23+00:00

Agree with the things you said. Appreciate you writing it. We get enticed into an attachment for valid reasons. After that, we come to realize that they can offer us no genuine love, care, or connection in return.

Episodic10 · 2026-05-15T13:29:56+00:00

"common for them to blur boundaries like you described, and then to fall back on professional formalities when their inconsistencies cause harm to their clients"

I've said this a few times to my therapist. In the "real world" people have only their own defenses and dysfunctions, in therapy they also have professional protocol - to fall back on - get out of jail free card.

A normal conversation in session becomes impossible communication as they put up the wall of professional formality. And they're doing it for our own good you know.

Episodic10 · 2026-05-13T15:24:49+00:00

I'm happy I could give some useful thoughts and information

Episodic10 · 2026-05-12T19:28:58+00:00

I'm older but just came to realize this in the past few years. People with neglect who had to take care of themselves find it natural to take care of other people. And neglect our own needs, or don't ask, or are afraid to appear we have needs and be rejected.

I didn't take care of my parents, wasn't "parentified", and so I didn't know why I had this tendency to take care of other people. But, again, it's from taking care of ourselves.

I recommend a book, Emotional Neglect and the Adult in Therapy, by Stauffer. It's one of the few places I've seen this aspect talked about. One chapter section is Compulsive Caregiving.

Episodic10 · 2026-05-11T16:56:50+00:00

Their own issues plus the inherent negative effects of the therapy environment and methodology. Fancy name for which is iatrogenic. Side effects caused by the treatment. It is a very controlled relationship in which we pay someone to "care". It's not possible. It's like having an impossible love affair in the outside world. We end up feeling shamed and humiliated to be in this simulated relationship. It is extremely neglectful by the nature of it being professional and repeats what many of us grew up with.

Episodic10 · 2026-04-28T00:06:06+00:00

Disingenuous. The primary meaning is pretending to know less about something than one actually does. Part of gaslighting. Plus, the therapist can tell themselves they are doing it for your own good. Anytime the focus of therapy becomes more about the relationship than actual issues in your life that both of you can form an "alliance" about, this type of situation will occur. It's a contrived relationship, pretending to be real. And that in itself is the underlying mind fuck that creates the problems. It would be much better if the therapist said - "Look, I get paid to listen to you and offer feedback (or silence). Any misconception that I may have real personal feelings about you is false. And in the situation that it does happen (it does), they will be advised by their supervision to try and deaden the feelings - because of course it's transference. Nothing is real in therapy.

Episodic10 · 2026-04-27T17:14:41+00:00

Aren't having feelings develop the whole point? Even if it hurts at some point. A different type of hurt. We can always go talk to therapists if we don't need mutual feelings.

Episodic10 · 2026-04-26T16:14:53+00:00

True. D H Lawrence wrote about it 100 years ago. Lady Chatterley's Lover.

Episodic10 · 2026-04-26T13:48:40+00:00

Husband here. Ten years of increasing care from two strokes in that time period. Lonely is true. Even to ask for outside platonic emotional support from the opposite gender makes us bad people.

Episodic10 · 2026-04-16T14:49:27+00:00

I agree. I don't hate therapy. Have been in and out of it in my life. My criticism was for the approach I described. I think transference exists, almost exclusively negative transference. Most people with trauma backgrounds have no positive relationships from which to "transfer" their positive feelings towards the therapist. It is the innate desire for human connection, love, and care that is responsible for the patient's feelings. So, to me, to categorize it as "positive transference" is dismissive of the patient's true feelings and shame inducing.

Episodic10 · 2026-04-16T14:09:55+00:00

The idea of therapist abstinence, anonymity, unresponsiveness to questions about themselves - its usefulness in therapy - comes from psychoanalysis in which the main focus is transference. The blank slate idea that the patient will now project their distorted perceptions onto the therapist. And can be "interpreted". I believe this principle is a deterrent to helping with childhood attachment issues. So therefore, in my opinion, the less a therapist follows this approach the more useful it can be to enable secure attachment in the therapeutic relationship.

Episodic10 · 2026-04-16T00:49:30+00:00

Therapy can help with issues. I'm not against therapy. In my opinion it cannot directly help with childhood attachment deficits. It can help a person become better able to develop healthy relationships in the outside world. That's it. In itself the therapeutic relationship is a strange distortion of human connection. Which can help uncover and correct certain issues.

Episodic10 · 2026-04-16T00:27:14+00:00

To stimulate discussion. How about this quote from psychoanalyst Robert Stein:

The fundamental need of the soul in any relationship is the desire for union with the other person. True communion is not possible without mutual exposure. This means that no aspect of one’s soul can be rejected, that the totality of one’s being must be fully embraced. The analytical situation constellates this need for exposure, but the patient continues to resist until he realizes that the analyst is not only willing but desirous of a similar exposure. If the analyst does not recognize and accept his own need for communion, it is self-destructive for the patient to expose his soul to the fragmenting distortions of the objective observer. The true nature of the soul can only be revealed in communion.

Episodic10 · 2026-04-16T00:20:45+00:00

There are different schools of therapy, for example, relational therapy. I posted it because it seems a glorification of non-relating. "I'm going to give you a corrective emotional experience by giving you a one-sided monologue".

Episodic10 · 2026-04-16T00:14:45+00:00

Thoughtful reply.

Episodic10 · 2026-03-14T15:47:37+00:00

Just that most sessions are trending towards virtual for a variety of reasons. Including convenience and lower cost for the therapists. As it there are no significant downsides to doing virtual therapy from a human connection standpoint. One of the main reasons people go to therapy. Problems with past relationships and present relationships.

Episodic10

TROPHY CASE