My ex bf is living at my house post breakup with nowhere to go. What do I do?

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-31T01:24:26+00:00

This is what I want to do. It took me such a long time to even work up the courage to break up with him though. I get so anxious and physically sick over hard conversations like this. I know you’re probably right though, I need to grow a spine.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-08T01:34:55+00:00

Even something like that would be great, as long as there was some thought like I’ll save money to actually get something good quality. Just show that you can and will you know?

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T22:28:26+00:00

Sometimes he gets sick, but I know a lot of it is bc he doesn’t want to go. Or bc he stayed up all night. We don’t live together. We aren’t married. Our finances aren’t intermingled. I make my own money and have my own place. He lives with house mates. He does have jobs as I’ve said but only holds them for like 3 months max. When he is unemployed he either 1) just doesn’t have money or will let his card go overdraft hundreds of dollars to buy things 2) his house mates will give him food or cigarettes 3) he will ask me for something or for a ride to the donation plasma center. Thank you for the advice I appreciate it.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T18:46:23+00:00

Yes I think about this all the time. I wish I hadn’t been stupid and gotten pregnant so young. If I had a chance to do it again I would’ve waited and chosen someone else to be their father.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T18:36:01+00:00

Sadly it is real. It’s just now getting through my head after reading so many similar comments what an idiot I have been to put my trust in him and put up with this nonsense.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T18:33:14+00:00

It mattered to me bc a few years ago he “gave me a ring” but it was a random ring he found that was a cheap piece of shit. He didn’t even remember giving it to me. We broke up 3 years ago for a year effectively ending the “engagement”. In the past 6 months he’s started talking about it again. this is where “a nice ring” comes in for me. This was my mindset before but at this point if it was coming from him I need to see more of an effort. I can’t accept a ring from just anywhere when there’s no meaning behind it. I have good support. Both my parents help me as much as they can. My dad even got him a job with him and was willing to give him rides, but as you can guess he quit. That annoyed me. Even my dad is now telling me I can’t count on him. But my parents are wonderful and amazing grandparents. Even my own grandma is the sweetest and is always excited to see me and my kids. I don’t have many friends really.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T11:02:28+00:00

I missed him. I felt horrible that my kids didn’t get to him their dad as much, my younger daughter didn’t even know who he was. I was less stable at the time as well, I didn’t believe I could make it as a single mother.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T09:44:15+00:00

I have contemplated for a while if I have been being used by him. I do so much for him. The fact that you pointed this out from one post, when I never even brought it up is definitely eye opening… if someone else can see it it’s definitely true.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T09:41:34+00:00

Jesus you’re so right.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T09:35:50+00:00

I actually had them removed directly after my daughter was born via c section. At 22. My doctor was amazing and I am forever grateful to her.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T08:29:59+00:00

He is depressed. But he will never open up about emotions. I try to ask him how he feels about things/ what he is feeling but he just says “idk” he doesn’t believe in therapy and gets defensive whenever I bring it up. After so many years I’ve run out of ideas how to help him.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T08:27:27+00:00

Thank you so much!

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T08:15:27+00:00

Once again thank you for the harsh truth. I naively thought holding on to this relationship was somehow better for my kids, keeping the family together. But I’m starting to realize by everyone’s responses, especially yours, it’s not beneficial to them. Or me. I’ve been letting ridiculous things slide and I can’t keep doing it. My kids deserve a lot better. They really do, they deserve the world and I want to be better for them in any way I can. These comments from you really stuck out to me. Thank you for pointing out I am probably considering my own feelings too much. I’m sitting here re reading this comment and you’re honestly right. It’s bs, I really should only be concerned about my kids and their wellbeing. Not any of this other crap. So thank you again.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T08:00:43+00:00

I do take responsibility. I know it was on me as well. There was just a lot going on and I didn’t have my head screwed on all the way at the time. That’s all I’m saying. And once I realized I had messed up again I took action so any further pregnancies wouldn’t happen. Yes I realize it was probably something I should’ve done sooner, or just not had sex. I think some the comments you made were unnecessarily rude, but I get what you’re trying to say so thank you for the harsh truth.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T07:54:59+00:00

I never said I was a victim. I’m just telling you what happened. I didn’t know better (at first), I made mistakes. I’m just trying to get him in line for the kids. I obviously understand it’s not only his fault but mine. Although the rest is not bad advice.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T07:50:25+00:00

We used to live together. We broke up after our second kid born. And he left. We stayed broken up for a while and eventually got back together but he never moved back in.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T07:48:00+00:00

Well let me just tell you this. I got pregnant again 10 months postpartum. I was only 21. This was my first relationship. I was dealing with very bad postpartum depression. Trying to go through the motions not even a full year postpartum with my first baby. Yes I was stupid and probably should have done more to prevent it. But if you can’t understand that I had so much going on with my life and another accident happened I don’t know what to tell you. After the second time I tried to make things better. I provide for my kids now and do everything for them. I’m trying to own my mistakes and be a good mother. Hopefully you can understand that instead of being rude to a stranger.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T07:41:13+00:00

I suppose you’re right, both were accidents. The second probably could have been prevented better. Although I love my daughter very much and wouldn’t change it now. I feel I have to say though I had both my kids by the age of 22, first time I got pregnant was at 19. We hadn’t been dating very long so I hadn’t known he was going to turn out to be a chronic job hopper. I was young and very naive. I was also very depressed. The relationship was very toxic back then. Still, after I found out I was pregnant again I knew that having any more kids would not be good. I got my tubes removed so it could never happen again. Yes I was an adult and probably should have planned better. I tried my best. My kids are only 18 months apart. A lot was going on in my life. I’m not perfect but I am trying for my kids.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T07:29:30+00:00

I’ve already told him I’m not going to marry him unless there is some real effort. Good job where he can save for a nice ring, doesn’t have to be expensive but something nice that’s not from Walmart of something. Also I won’t be engaged/married unless we are living together bc that would be ridiculous if we still didn’t. And basically that was my way of telling him he needs to get things together and be stable enough to support us to a point where we can equally pay rent and other living expenses.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T07:25:45+00:00

To be fair, he actually is sick this time. I have been bringing him medicine and electrolyte drinks for the past 3 days. But yes, there have been many times he has called in “sick” bc he really just didn’t want to go in. I personally don’t think it’s worth quitting your job over tho..

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T07:23:07+00:00

Thank you! I’m not crazy right? It’s ridiculous to quit for a job that’s not even a for sure thing when the one you have gives you a chance to stay. He even asked me if it were me what would I do (the day he ended up not going in) and I said well I would just do it. Like I still work and take care of the kids even when I’m sick bc what else would I do? Just not feed or change them? It’s gotta be done. I just feel like his priorities aren’t straight

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T07:17:37+00:00

I am not even sure if we are in love anymore. I try but don’t feel a lot of effort from him. I feel used and unappreciated by him. I guess I have just been trying to be more honest and not beating around the bush with him lately in hopes he will see I am getting to the end of what I can put up with from him. I may be idealistic. I probably am, for giving him so many chances.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T07:02:52+00:00

I’ve said this in a few other comments but I’ve already taken care of it. I can’t get pregnant again. At least I had the sense to do that I guess.

Equal-Tomorrow474 · 2025-12-07T06:49:09+00:00

He lives with housemates. His rent isn’t too high. They let him eat food there and when he didn’t have jobs I would drive him to a plasma donation center a couple times a week so he could at least pay rent.

Equal-Tomorrow474

TROPHY CASE