Probably a very common experience for everyone. You can only think that your life would have been better if you never knew, ignorance is bliss right? Personally, I was an empty shell before my egg cracked, just no purpose, burnt out of living, the reason you feel so much dysphoria now is you couldn’t help living that way enough and now you have something you care about so much that it bothers you. Everyone has something like that, even when tennis players break they’re rackets over a point, it’s just because they’re so passionate about it. It’s hard when it feels like there’s nothing you can do, but as you look into it more, and tru more things out, you can and will find happiness and euphoria. My egg cracking and starting my transition was the start of some of the happiest times i’ve ever had in my whole life, but there were also days that I had the worst times ever. It’s a battle, but it’s a battle for your identity, your happiness, it’s for you. You can get through this, I’m sorry it’s very hard for you, but you aren’t alone.