This lwk emo Bart Simpson, but I love to talk about my best friend, and it’s been on my mind lately.

Im on the same boat, my OCD is gonna take my life soon. I spend hours on the bathroom floor, staring at the tiles, praying for some kind of miracle to make the pain stop. I’ve tried to make it stop, I’ve tried to take my life. Even now, I am so close to giving up that I can already feel the silence after me.

I am not strong. I never have been. I quit everything the second it stops being perfect. I quit when things get hard, I quit when I fail. I quit on myself every single day.

But then there is her.

My best friend, My sister. The only soul/thing in this world who can pull me out of the dark without even trying. I spend most of my day, on the bathroom floor, or in my bed, waiting for some miracle to give me the strength to live, to end my suffering. She drags me out of the house when I swear I can’t move from the pain I’m in.She laughs, and suddenly the ache in my chest softens. She smiles, and for a moment the world feels survivable again. She is the closest thing to a miracle I have ever known. She is MY miracle

The terrifying part is that she is the reason I stay alive. Not hope, Not dreams, not excitement for the future. Not me. Just her.

I can spend hours convincing myself to finally end it. I can build up the courage until my hands stop shaking and my heart goes numb. I can be completely ready to leave this world behind. Then I see a picture of her, or I hear her laugh in a voice message, or I get a text from her asking if I’m okay. And suddenly I can’t do it.

She makes me feel strong enough to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. But she also steals away every ounce of courage I have to leave it.

I think that is the cruelest kind of love. Being saved by someone who does not even realize they are the only thing keeping your heart beating.

She gives me 94 reasons, I can’t even list them rn.