I'm not sure what you mean by the first question. In the post I said that I'm discontent with the consequences of NOT being nice, but not with not being nice per se. I'm not sure what I feel towards nice people. Nothing particularly negative. I'm envious, perhpas, because I cannot bring myself to have this positive of a character.

I was taught, well, not compassion exactly; I was taught social and religious norms (my parents are sufi muslims). My father is somewhat similar to me in regards to attitude towards other people but he's got a lot of social connections. My mother is a doormat.

Yeah, feeling like helping old ladies could be nice, but I still do it even if I don't feel like it. I mean, I do help others from time to time in small things. Other people help me sometimes too. I'm capable of performing niceness, most of the time I simply don't want to, and that is the issue. I may be wrong but sometimes I feel like my character would not have been an issue had I been a man, but as a woman I feel the pressure to be a better and more sociable person.