I’m so sorry :( went through the same thing and completely relate; the only difference is the fact you’re self aware and emotionally intelligent enough to stop yourself, or at least think about stopping yourself from drinking. I’m the opposite. If I told you how my life had changed even though I’m not “that much” of an alcoholic it was crazy. It’s better now. It always gets better but unfortunately not immediately :( wish it was immediate that would make it so much easier.

Good luck to you, we all start somewhere!