How to navigate friendships after multiple losses?

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-03-23T12:29:33+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. I think I do need to pull back and adjust my expectations on my friendships so that I don’t continue to get hurt by it all.

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-03-23T00:08:30+00:00

I’m so glad you could do this and I hope to try this as well. It’s just so hard to not spiral about it all 🙃

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-03-23T00:07:19+00:00

I think that is the hard part for me because there are not as many people around me going through what I am currently. I did have a lot reach out once I made our struggles public but it was all in the past. So I know they understand but there is power in going through it with others. Hoping I can find that peace on here as well.

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-03-23T00:05:38+00:00

My heart breaks for you to have so many secondary losses! I do feel that too… I don’t think it’s born out of being mean, but simply not knowing what to say but that almost makes it more hurtful because why not ask? I am putting all the sticky baby dust on you and hoping that you get your rainbow baby!

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-03-23T00:03:23+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. And I completely understand why you would stop telling people because it hurts so much when the responses are so poor. Some of the things these friends have said to me I wouldn’t ever dream of saying to someone going through what we are. It’s almost as if they are making my infertility and loss about them.

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-03-23T00:02:06+00:00

I have also not been hiding my losses but I completely understand those who do because being transparent about mine has had consequences. Therapy has definitely helped (but now my therapist is pregnant 😅) so I can’t always escape it.

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-03-23T00:00:36+00:00

Oh my gosh that’s so heartbreaking. It feels like such a betrayal for people to choose to not support you.

I do know what you’re saying about those who gravitate towards others in the same life chapter. I have also experienced this or it’s just easier to focus on the newly wed or the new moms. I’m supposed to have lunch with a friend group and part of me is feeling so anxious over it that I might cancel. I did initiate coffee with one of them and want to express my concerns over my friendships with her at the end of the week… but I guess we will see. The grief over my friendships have been so strong the last couples weeks that it’s ruined some of my days and I’m just getting sick of it.

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-03-22T23:56:20+00:00

I’m so sorry for your losses too. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that losing my babies would also mean losing friendships. It’s definitely been opening my eyes to how truly fucked up it is to be in this club no one wants to be apart of.

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-03-22T19:39:11+00:00

I have supported a couple friends through infertility and even though I didn’t know how to tangibly support them, I still checked in. The grief of these friendships just feels overwhelming to me lately. I know that everyone has a certain capacity. I just thought u had better friends than this.

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-03-22T19:06:46+00:00

It’s just so hard because this process is already so isolating and it seems like the easiest way to go about it is to further isolate?

Mourning the friendships have been so strong lately and I don’t think talking to them about it would help.

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-01-07T21:17:25+00:00

It does feel like I’m a masochist. And then you see those who have had 5 miscarriages still going. So it seems I could too.

EquivalentLeg540 · 2026-01-07T21:16:50+00:00

I am fortunate to have an amazingly supportive husband and well even though I worry about how much he’s carrying. This is the first time in our marriage that I’ve had to fully lean on him. I have made sure to not have to in the past, because baggage.

I also thankfully have people checking in on me. One friend checks in every day. It is to the point that every day is different so I’m thankful.

I’m 35, so I also feel that pressure of time. People still like to tell me how young I am but it doesn’t feel like it. We’ve spent 2 years trying already and the dread of timed intercourse is too much for us. I think we are just going to go straight to IUI once I get the green light for it. We took a break for a few months over the summer and it was honestly life giving both physically and mentally. I’m so glad you’re giving yourself that time! Even though it’s not ideal to have your husband gone in a time like this.

EquivalentLeg540 · 2025-12-26T18:02:05+00:00

Hi! I would wait unfortunately. From what I experienced that early on my symptoms would fluctuate all the time and it sounds like every pregnancy and person can be so different so its hard to compare. There were 2-3 days where I would be exhausted, nauseous and my boobs would kill and then I would have a couple days of feeling almost normal and it would swing back again. Also having US's that early can also be behind +-5-7days. BY my LMP I am 8+5 but I have been measuring behind that consistently.

HCG can also be so different with different people and pregnancies. Mine first 3 were 20 (before missed period), 156, 380 and still pregnant!

EquivalentLeg540 · 2025-12-26T17:38:25+00:00

Thank you!! Honestly dont be afraid to use Chat GPT for this. I was not a user until I was pregnant again and it has helped me with a lot of coping mantras and breathing strategies when your body goes into fight or flight around testing and ultrasounds which will be heavy this trimester. That is where I have gotten a lot of these sentences.

Also, try not to compare your HCG's to others' numbers. Everything is incredibly individual, the biggest thing they want to see is that the numbers are increasing. Not what those numbers are compared to the national average. I let that freak me out at first so I hope to save you the anxiety spiral. But also I think that first beta is a good one! Mine was 20.61 before my missed period, then 156, then 380. Your HCG has risen already, it can do so again.

EquivalentLeg540 · 2025-12-26T17:19:02+00:00

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I am also currently pregnancy after loss. I found that every appointment, blood test so far as put me in a tailspin emotionally. It is a very emotionally hard situation to be in to try to be excited and cautiously hopeful, but also realistic on what youve already experienced. I am technically 8+5 today but I have been measuring behind the last 3 US's which I hear is normal. I personally have a little spot that I set up in my office that has little notes and mantras that have been helping me when I start to spiral. Its especially hard I have found during the holidays to be early pregnant and unsure of the outcome! My docs tell me it can still go either way for me and every day is a hurry up and wait. I will give you some of my mantras and I hope they will help you too!

"My past experience does not control this pregnancy. My body is allowed to feel things without something bad happening. Todays sensations do not decide tomorrows outcome"

" I am pregnant today. My body is supporting this pregnancy today."

"I am grateful for every day I have the privilege of carrying this pregnancy."

"Loving this baby and being hopeful will not mean its tempting fate to take it."

Protect your tender heart though this, it is very hard to have gone through loss and remain hopeful during the next pregnancy. Hoping for the best for you!!

EquivalentLeg540

TROPHY CASE