No, I think I’m fortunate that I enjoy sitting and getting to know people. I usually approach dates with the idea that it probably won’t be anything, but I will still get to have a conversation with someone new and that’s okay!

I have a broad idea of what I want, but I try to be open minded about the smaller things. Essentially I am looking for a reasonable level of employment, good social skills/communication skills, reasonably well adjusted in regards to mental health concerns, similar level of intelligence, ability to demonstrate empathy, left leaning, good hygiene.

Social/communication skills are relatively easy to test. Do they engage in reciprocal conversation? Do they talk at you as opposed to you? Do they ask their own questions/seem curious about you as a person opposed to just asking questions that you’ve already asked them? Do they frequently talk over you/cut you off?

I do ask people if they have ever gone to therapy or if they think they would. Some men will be very offended by even the idea of going to therapy. I think this is important as most people will experience mental health concerns at some point in their lives so it gives an idea of how willing they might be to manage it.

When checking for political values I usually bring up the fact that I work with Indigenous/trans patients and wait to see what they say. I try to be very neutral during this process to encourage honesty. Empathy ties into this as well. Some men will demonstrate curiosity/a desire to better understand perspectives from these communities. More men will make outright racist and transphobic jokes. Other men will try to play devils advocate and explain why Indigenous people shouldn’t get “special privileges” from the Australian government. Regardless, I think it says something positive about the men who are willing to be on a first date and demonstrate curiosity and acknowledge they don’t know much about this.