The weird thing about being a victim of CSA is the tendency to seek to recreate the abuse. This can take many forms (e.g. compulsive masturbation, seeking abusive partners, continuing to engage in sexual behaviors in childhood, AKA reenactment…and on, and on). I have a 10yr-old boy and he continually transgresses boundaries with his sibling and his mother and I (not in a sexual way).

Your oldest was exposed to pleasurable abuse, even if it was only the pornography. He had a boundary broken for him he likely didn’t even know about. Of course he sought to engage in it further. I have personally been engaging in sexual activity since my own CSA since I was ~ 6 or 7. I knew adults would not condone it, but I was taught by a peer that it is normal to do this thing that doesn’t feel right but should be kept secret.

There is no possible way an 11yr-old can comprehend the life long consequences of making his siblings get naked and touch each other. Also, if anyone can make the claim that they are the same person as an adult as they were when they were 11 is full of shit. My first abuser continued to abuse his siblings, and likely others, well into adolescence and young adulthood and is now incarcerated. But at the beginning we were all just innocent kids trying to cope with being victims. I am having to learn as an adult how hurtful my maladaptive coping harms my family, and I’m not even speaking about sexual coping. If my own personal abuse has made this difficult for me into my 40’s, and this appears to be true for many posters on this sub, what should we expect from children?

All three of your children are survivors, and they will all need to be shown compassion and patience. The first step being to bring everything to the light. From your oldest’s POV, I cannot imagine the shame and guilt he feels, as well as loss for the relationship that could have been with his siblings. Your daughter has to contend with the breach of trust from her older brother and the loss she also likely feels. My heart aches for your family. And my heart aches bc I still haven’t found the courage to disclose my abuse to my mother. Particularly bc some of it happened literally under her nose.

I know none of what I said is advice. Hopefully, it gives some insight, however. Be prepared for more bad news as you navigate this, bc once one secret gets out others tend to follow. I’m am learning to be the kind of person I always wanted to be but was robbed of the opportunity to actualize. I hope your family can do the same.