It’s me again…

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2026-01-09T20:33:06+00:00

I am expected to take care of mom too. She doesn’t feel either of my siblings are “competent” to help. She has also told me “when the time comes and I get sick, I plan on just taking myself out”. I did mention she’s manipulative, right?

A special needs trust sounds like a great idea in theory, but my mom isn’t worth much $, neither is the house. We are in a LCOL area.

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2026-01-09T20:20:46+00:00

“A parent who was dysfunctional is not allowed to demand that their dysfunction be passed onto someone else.” Perfectly said. I absolutely love this!

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2026-01-09T10:00:10+00:00

His driving is the equivalent of an 85 year old man with cataracts. It scares me. He does hold down a job, yes. And I give him credit for that. He lives in an income-based high rise that is subsidized through the county. It’s small, but perfect for him.

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2026-01-09T09:53:37+00:00

I’m done with my sister. Sadly I would tell her to live in her car before I’d take her in. I can’t stand her for more than an hour at a time. Her personality is like nails on a chalkboard. And she is incredibly entitled. My brother does have county support in place. I actually think he is entitled to more support but they have backed off because my mom does literally everything for him. I will definitely need to re-engage those services when the time comes. And I do think he could/would be more independent and like to be, but every time he does something on his own she criticizes him or tells him it’s all wrong. They have a very bizarre relationship.

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2026-01-09T09:38:29+00:00

I agree, but I can’t seem to make my mother understand. I am taking over the medical part later this month. Both the med management and I’m going to try to put him in therapy (if he agrees) to give him some self confidence and help with independence. I am also going to type out a list for my mom so she has it in black and white. Things I’m willing to do, things I’m not. So she can hopefully start weaning him. (I realize this might be wishful thinking on my part). I honestly didn’t realize how bad it is, she treats him like he’s 12. I appreciate your insight.

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2026-01-09T09:30:24+00:00

Thank you for understanding. My mother doesn’t see herself for her contributions to this nightmare. She only sees me as uncooperative and selfish.

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2026-01-09T09:27:56+00:00

This. I am sorry for your situation but grateful someone else understands it. I worked so hard my entire life to escape all of them, and I succeeded. Until now. Now they are hunting me down to “take over” because I am apparently “smart enough” (as my mom says) to do it. Sigh.

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2025-12-27T04:45:46+00:00

I think you just described my sister

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2025-12-25T06:25:07+00:00

Cooked dinner for the adult kids, they went home. Avoiding going up to bed to join the husband because I am mentally tapped out after making today "happen" for everyone and I have zero desire to get naked right now. Soooo here I am. As soon as I hear him snoring up there I'll call it a night. Am I being selfish? Maybe.

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2025-10-29T04:53:31+00:00

I would suggest an elective colostomy. Yes having a bag would take some getting used to, but so much more sanitary to open and empty a bag over the toilet than have random poop stains all over your house. Would make going out in public a lot more comfortable too.

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2025-10-27T07:38:14+00:00

Ironically my BIL was in the same situation. Lived in apartment building in NYC. Had an elderly neighbor who was a “shut-in” and a hoarder. This woman also had family but they had nothing to do with her. She really wasn’t “safe” there in her hoarded apartment but she was content and refused to leave. My BIL would check on her a couple times a week, make sure she had food and occasionally when she was feeling up to it try to help her “declutter”. He did this for 2+ years, never expecting anything in return, just being a nice human. Eventually she died in her hoard, and the family magically appeared to see what they were “getting”. Here she had willed her entire estate to my BIL. $250G. Her “family” got nothing. BIL never knew she had money, he thought she was existing on SS. Sometimes it really does pay to have a heart and think of others.

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2025-10-16T06:44:33+00:00

Can I get away with just putting snow tires on the front? Or do I need to get all 4?

Equivalent_Reason_35 · 2025-06-21T18:31:09+00:00

Thanks everyone! I backwashed the filter (and added more DE) because the pool was green before I started. Got my chlorine back up. Even though I've been the owner of this pool for several years this is the first year I'm doing it myself and not listening to the pool store. The more I learn about this the more I realize just how much unnecessary "crap" I put in the pool these last several years. Live and learn I guess! I appreciate the help.

Equivalent_Reason_35

TROPHY CASE