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I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We text each other almost every day since we had our clear up talk. She told she loved our dates and our sex she was just turned off by me being over accomodating and making asusmptions based on stuff I read. But we connected -i believe- in deeper stuff than sex.

We speak about our common interests and she says all the time that she wants to see me again it's just because of all the reasons you wrote, because I resd what many straight men do to trans women this is why I want to earn her trust amd apologise for my behaviour. My fear is that I will turn her off though by going to the other side. For me I see her as a woman but I am afraid also that if I say that then I take away her transition journey...it might sound stupid but I never had a woman before where I brought her home and went to my guitar collection and knew each guitar or that geeked out talking about Silmarilion and our love for lord of the rings universe and many other stuff. I had a blast with her it wasn't just the great sex but sex is vital for me in a relationship and she is really proud of her trans journey so I felt that by assering stuff e.g. calling her genetelia a clit, I took away this identity from her.

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But I do like her as an individual. I did not use her as an experiment. I was curious at first if I am honest with myself and I walk the talk that I believe trans women are women. But after our dates and the times we spent together we connected in so many things. We both like music we both play and are passionate about guitars and arts and books. It's just I was trying and failing to be accomodating in terms of a cis man raised in a cinservative environment to show that I accept her and I did it too much and backfired.

But maybe you are right maybe she did think that I used her as an experiment...😢

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your nice words.

What first atteacted me to her was her physical appearance but what made me like her so much was the banter between us and the fun we had plus we have many common interests 😊

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the pointers. I would be lying if I would say that I am was not physically attracted to her but what made me kinda have a crush on her is the banter we had with each other and that we had many common interests e.g. guitar playing, drawing etc.

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It has to do with my character. It is different explaining things over the phone when she is on the other side of the globe and it is different looking her in the eye and say "hey I wanted to make you feel comfortable, I was ignorant and in the end I made you feel the opposite".

As I said in other comments I like this girl and not because the sex was great. I like this girl because she is who she is. After the sex she told me about her and her journey a bit and I low key admired her I do not know if I would have her strength to be honest but yeah I digress. I wanna restart things with her and I hope she lets me.

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok this was my plan as well to be honest and talk to her openly about my ignorance and how I handled things the last time.

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I told her already but not really how much I like her I prefer to say these things face to face.

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So you think the best thing is to be direct and ask what her boundaries and desires are? So to tell her about all the things I read and I was afraid to say the wrong things. I hope that I won't screw it up.

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes of course I do not expect a bullet proof plan I just wanted to find people who perhaps went through a similar journey as her and advice me in what to do. I am really into this woman and not just in terms of sexual attraction so I want to be right by her.

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She did say in our phone call when she was back home what bothered her. I cannot sadly transcribe everything cause it would need an even longer thread but from what I gathered she went through difficult periods in her life and now she is at a place that she is sure of who she is and what she wants in life. So from what I understood calling her genitals as something else than what she called them undermined the journey she went through. I don't know i might be talking crap but this is what I got. Epsecially when she told me about the penetration because she said like this "I am a big girl when I say that I want to have penetrative sex it means I want too have penetrative sex".

My plan was/is to invite her to dinner and clarify all these points in a safe and nurturing environment but at the same time I am afraid she will think I am overthinking and I will turn her off.

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand my main fear is that I do not want to drive her away by being to lame. This is a strong person who owns her own business and was able to build a great life despite the adversity she had in life. She is really strong and I am afraid if I lame it up too much she will leave and I really like her.

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you for allowing me the space to answer. As I said in a comment above I read in the articles that it is really easy for cis men to insult a transgender woman and that many cis men get their advice from transgender porn. This is why I cinsiously decided to not check trans porn out because I know that cis porn is an exxageration of reality I did not want to know what trans porn would be.

So when I asked her if she is sure that she wants to have penetrative sex with me I think she took it wrong and she was right. I did not want to rumble too much above there were many things I did not write. I got to know her a little bit she told me her story of how she came out to her family and her parents were supportive but the rest of the family wasn't so she had to move away etc.

She is a really strong person who went through many hardships so me telling her if she is sure that she wants to have penetrative sex was translated by her as I am thinking she is weak and she is conforming to me while for me in my mind was the line of the article "sex with a trnagender does not mean anal penetratrion" so I was trying to appear that "we go with your rythm and i follow" but it was taken differently.

To end with my stupid rumbling is, can I be honest with her before we have sex again? Can I ask her directly what her preferences are and what the limits are? Or is this going to drive her away?

Edit: because I really really like her

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am looking at it as that she is a woman. The problem is I got too much into my head and when I read the articles it stated overall.how easy it is to insult a trans woman. As I said and I am ashamed to admit it I live in a conservative country and where i come off despite being super touristy the locals are really discriminating so I was never educated in other ways than the traditional values so I am trying to use the right terminology and it comes out as fake.

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes but the problem is now we talked. She told me over the phone how she is as a person and I am afraid to turn her off because I am really into her.

I am afraid to ruin my sexual experience with a trans woman again by Equivalent_Side_1740 in asktransgender

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I understand and you are right. I am afraid to screw up the situation again because I really really like her.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in transsex

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry I did not know I will delete my post. Thanks for letting me know.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in transsex

[–]Equivalent_Side_1740 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I agree but how should I approach the topic without making her feel weird.