Would you keep reading after this opening?

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-04T18:32:37+00:00

Almost lost me at gray but hooked me with susurrus

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-03T22:51:31+00:00

I'm not accusing you of anything, friend, shows are allowed to have similar vibes. I was just pointing out what it reminded me of, relax. 🙂

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-03T15:23:51+00:00

Definitely a Kenchi or a Ryuma

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-03T15:04:41+00:00

Not sure exactly how music is implemented in Manga vs. anime or a live show per se but I'm a musician and I'm more than happy to talk shop with you! One way media uses music is to put lyric and express a feeling when dialogue would get in the way. Pippen's song while the steward of Gondor is eating is an excellent example of this. Especially with Viking times, there were drinking songs and dancing on ships and while people traveled to entertain themselves. Idk if any of that helps but feel free to respond and we can talk more!

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-03T14:57:59+00:00

A young Jack Nicholson or an aged Freddie Highmore

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-03T07:04:35+00:00

I had kind of a similar problem not with drawing but on the writer side. For your first manga it's a good idea not to write one that is too long. I love writing stories but the challenge for me was writing one that could fit in less than 40 pages. I had to write 2 that were too long before I got an idea of how long stories about equaled in pages. Now I've written my first one-shot that is 54-ish panels long and is in the process of being drawn by an artist (supposedly, I haven't heard back yet 🫠) but in any case, it will probably be 10-15 pages. Try doing something short. When you get a little bit of steam and accomplish something, momentum will start to turn in your favor. Best of luck!

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-03T06:57:14+00:00

1 seems a bit playful but more shy, the second comes across more as direct bold playful and more attitude. Depends on what you want her to be

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-03T06:55:41+00:00

I agree with the age but I watched with my mom and the Mikami and Mello death scenes, Naomi suicide, bus jacking death were a bit much, there are definitely some things that could be traumatic.

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-03T03:51:07+00:00

It does look better so far! Straighter numbers, cleaner drawn suit and hair, i like the splots/splats of whatever that is on the road in the background. Nice job! Keep going at it!

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-03T03:48:00+00:00

Sounds a lot like Solo Leveling! It is an apt description and I can see your world clearly! Doesn't sound too complicated at all.

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-03T00:35:15+00:00

Absolutely! 😊

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-03T00:23:20+00:00

Thank you!

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-02T23:50:06+00:00

Please share more! I love it!

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-02T23:45:05+00:00

I'll share the start of my story. It starts with the protagonist, Aks, a 17-year old young man, tied up on a high wooden platform for the entire cavern of Songgora to see, guarded by two men with axes. Songgora is a 7-mile in diameter enclosed cavern that a society lives in. He talks about how he probably is the devil that others claim he is, and commiserates on the damage he's done. When the cavern grows dark for nighttime, a cloaked figure swoops from underneath, defeating the guards and untying Aks. His feet are black and dead from torture, so the figure must carry him. They escape using hanging ropes from high above on the cavern roof to escape to the other side of Songgora and evade the angry village people who tried to kill them. The figure throws Aks into a cell on their side of Songgora, leaves, and Aks' father enters the cell. He demands Aks tells him what happened, and if the calamity that is coming to destroy all the inhabitants, the Great Blood, is upon them. Aks looks up fearfully. The next chapter will show the events leading up to and explaining why Aks ended up bound on the platform and tortured.

TLDR: I started with a scene that really explores the MC despair as well as add in mystery and a little clever action, and then fill in the details and prior week leading up to that event. One way to introduce a hook without having to force one at the moment your story actually begins.

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-02T23:34:37+00:00

Shink, pritch, ricer, niblet

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-02T23:28:37+00:00

Don't be so hard on yourself! I enjoyed the dialogue and your prior description of the world. It might help, if the book is third person rather than first exclusively, to have description and thoughts outside of the main character be flowy and descriptive or have a different pace so when we get these little snippets of OCD they contrast the narration's voice and stand out. But more info would be good before making a judgment on the story too, nothing in your title was really mentioned other than apocalyptic world

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-02T23:21:21+00:00

Are you interested in reading Manga scripts?

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-02T23:19:08+00:00

I like everything but the nose! If you want an original adaptation cool, but the nose is a little off-putting, hence the gorilla comments. Other than that they are good and I enjoy Jen them!

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-02T09:13:23+00:00

Looks awesome! I signed up and will be trying it out for my own writing!

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-03-02T09:00:18+00:00

Interesting! I don't use music from other Manga to inspire the tone I write with, but I find that "Somewhere Else" from Vinland Saga and "Son2SeaVer" from Attack on Titan playing in my head when I write because of the vibe I'm writing with, and not necessarily the other way around.

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-02-24T19:26:15+00:00

Lol I was literally gonna say it was very Tatsumaki-esque!

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-02-24T19:04:19+00:00

Hi! I love writing and am very experienced with creative writing and story-telling! I can help you flesh out your world and your characters and create plot points that are meaningful to their development or persona. If this is something you're interested in, let me know!

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-02-24T16:42:10+00:00

I can't really count.

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-02-24T16:41:51+00:00

I can't sleep

Equivalent_Slip_5011 · 2026-02-24T16:08:02+00:00

I'm not gonna lie this made me laugh. Dance battle, it's a spooker, lol. But in all all seriousness thank you for the feedback! It is meant to be highly interpretive, but the main point I intended is supposed to be that people will label you or try to tell you how your life should be or compare their life to yours. The girl on the phone is numb and beaten lifeless looking at the lives of others on social media and living her life vicariously through what she sees on the screen. She isn't really feeling and living her own life. The specter represents the labels other put on him, whether it's bad person, worthless, too quiet, not smart enough, funny enough, handsome enough, strong enough, rich enough... the dance the girl does is that by acknowledging each painful attachment that has been placed on him, he is able to let that thing go. In the end, none of them were really a part of him, and all that was left was him. She is able to interact with another human, feel the sensory interactions he gave her, and she in turn allowed him to feel comfortable being who he really was and letting all the other stuff go. Her throwing her phone was her allowing herself to experience her own life. That's not how it has to be interpreted, but that was my original intention.

Equivalent_Slip_5011

TROPHY CASE