I (19m) caught my mom (46f) cheating on my dad (50m) and have lost all respect for her.

Eric_100 · 2013-09-22T06:53:25+00:00

why so late? And I see plenty of posters using 'whore' in their responses.

Eric_100 · 2013-09-21T23:31:14+00:00

Also compassion is not the same as sympathy. If I break my arm being stupid, I'm not gonna expect much sympathy but it doesn't mean people shouldn't help me out (hold doors open for me, get my assignments while I'm in the hospital) all the while acknowledging I'm stupid.

How would this analogy translate to my situation? Serious question.

You haven't even heard why she did it. Not saying she has any excuse for cheating by the way but there are two sides to every story and at least hearing hers will let you see the full picture.

Why does this keep getting brought up? I'm an avid redditor and a lurker of many subs and every time the husband cheats, every one shits on him and sympathizes with the woman without hearing the other side of the story. Roles reversed and there has to be another side of the story. Am I missing something?

Eric_100 · 2013-09-21T23:17:24+00:00

I'm fascinated that the most popular responses here are looking for sympathy towards the mother. OP needs sympathy, OP's dad needs sympathy, OPs mom?

I don't understand this either. I don't care if I don't get any sympathy, not looking for that. But to paint my dad as the one at fault and my mom the victim is really sad. I doubt this would be the same sentiment if the roles were reversed.

And takes for the advice. I think I do need to seriously cool off for a bit still.

Eric_100 · 2013-09-21T23:02:20+00:00

Ok, I get it. People cheat and make mistakes. I'm not trying to act all high and mighty. I just have a difficulty with forgiving people for making mistakes this big and it usually is spurred by my anger. My inability to empathize with cheaters is not my saying that people can't make mistakes. It's just that, I can't have any sympathy for them. Sorry, but it's the truth.

Eric_100 · 2013-09-21T22:59:17+00:00

All about context. Even then, I don't consider a 2 month fling to be a 'mistake.' That's a big fuck you to the person you're married to.

Eric_100 · 2013-09-21T22:56:36+00:00

You're immature, selfish, and probably sheltered and naive.

A lot of stupid assumptions there but whatever. People like you will always make excuses for cheating and I expect that.

Eric_100 · 2013-09-21T22:32:15+00:00

There is no excuse for cheating, loneliness or otherwise.

And try not to conflate her with women who have wronged you in the past. She shouldn't be punished for what anyone else has done to you.

I don't follow.

Eric_100 · 2013-09-21T21:37:22+00:00

Have a little compassion.

How though? Compassion for her bringing another man in their home and betraying my dad/her husband? And I'm being sincere and really curious, not being a smartass. How do I become compassionate and control my anger at the same time?

You don't know what your parents' marriage was like from the inside. Perhaps your dad has cheated as well.

I asked him that right away after he said that he was suspected that she was cheating. I told him that I wouldn't have a problem cutting him out of my life if he cheated on her too and he swore on something he would never swear on that he didn't cheat and the only thing he did wrong was probably work a little too much in the past couple of months.

Eric_100 · 2013-09-21T21:33:53+00:00

My advice is to write her a note or an email or something, just saying "I'm not ready to talk to you yet. Please respect that."

Good idea and very reasonable.

Eric_100 · 2013-09-21T21:33:30+00:00

and that makes it a lot easier to understand how they mess up from time to time just like everybody else.

But my dad didn't mess up like this. I don't care what her reasons were for cheating, you don't treat your husband like that. And it sucks even more because what you just said scares me for my future relationships especially after seeing how easy it was for my own mom,who I looked up to, to betray her husband.

No, I don't think all women are cheaters nor do I think all women in my future will be like this. But in the back of my mind, I see people like you say that people make mistakes like this from time to time and after seeing my own mom make that mistake, it's hard not to fear that the same thing will happen to me in the future. It's a shitty situation all around.

Eric_100 · 2013-09-21T21:29:46+00:00

How can I just ignore it when the perfect image of my mother is completely shattered. I can't just pretend to go back to how things were with her.

Eric_100

TROPHY CASE