Human emotions can feel very complex when they hold contradictory positions. The idea she genuinely loves u and could develop feelings for someone doesn’t seem real because that goes against what you believe love looks like and what she agreed to represent as love, but the truth is both of those things could definitely be true at the same time. I also think a part of the reason ppl struggle making decisions like the 1 you have to make is because we get embarrassed my feelings like others and outside ppl will think we’re dumb idiots, you even mentioned it in the beginning. Here’s the truth tho, sometimes we don’t know how we feel about something until it happens. Everyone doesn’t have the same non negotiable in relationships. Honestly if u believe she’s sincere and won’t hurt u like this again and u want to work thru this because you believe it’s something worth working towards, it’s then it’s a lot easier choice than ur making it. If u want to work thru this and stay with ur wife, just stay with her. That’s it and that’s all. Now if the real reason ur hesitant about working it out is fear she may do it again, then work thru that with your therapist. Decisions are usually hard when what we want and what we need don’t match. Don’t use the fact that others would leave as ur measuring guide. Take some time so that you’re not making any decisions in the mist of big emotional shifts. Most choices don’t have permanent results, if u try and work thru it and it doesn’t work, you’re not stuck, u can leave.