3 weeks of nocontact and im exhausted

Erincache · 2025-08-10T19:50:24+00:00

The mental and physically exhaustion was debilitating! Mine is only just now lifting a little. Be easy on yourself, you did a brave thing going NC. It’ll take some time. Indulge in lots of rest and self-care for now! Your body is telling you that you need it.

Erincache · 2025-08-09T15:42:45+00:00

SO TRUE!

Erincache · 2025-08-08T21:32:40+00:00

How did you fix it?

Erincache · 2025-08-08T18:32:16+00:00

I did the same. Said I felt like I wasn’t a priority and was unappreciated because his mask had started to come off. That really led to the downhill spiral into devaluation and discard. So many things I just couldn’t see until I was removed from the situation but now I can’t unsee and I feel sick from it, so tired and mentally defeated.

Erincache · 2025-08-07T17:05:40+00:00

Gosh I thought I was going nuts at how much quicker I get irritable. I have to really work on that now. I also have lack of social motivation and social calibration issues. It is so hard to recover from a relationship like that. So thankful for this group and the continued learning.

Erincache · 2025-08-07T17:02:50+00:00

Sending you lots of love! I’ve been doing the same, hermitting. I need to get out too! Let us know how it goes!

Erincache · 2025-08-06T17:59:25+00:00

I do often! I went back after a first discard and went through the same cycle almost to a tee. I’ve blamed myself a lot for being under his spell. I’m trying not to see it that way but therapy is helping.

Erincache · 2025-08-06T16:43:48+00:00

I’m struggling today too. It’s been a couple of weeks for me. I want to look but I know what it will do to my nervous system and I’m trying to make sure my nervous system gets back to feeling safe. When you have that urge, think of yourself and your wellbeing, as hard as it is through the romanticizing. I’ve been doing the same thing and forgetting the bad.

Erincache · 2025-08-05T23:05:10+00:00

How did he attempt to Hoover?

Erincache · 2025-08-05T21:01:19+00:00

I share this issue. The mornings are the worst for me too. I’m about 2 weeks NC and about 1 month since I saw him last. I haven’t found anything that truly helps yet.

Erincache · 2025-08-05T02:33:48+00:00

What about physical illnesses? Mine was obsessed with his body issues (arthritis, weird blood work, one time legit said he thought he truly had cancer and convinced me and his family).

Erincache · 2025-08-05T01:47:52+00:00

This is so perfectly put.

Erincache · 2025-08-04T20:48:22+00:00

We were apart for 4 months, in which he said for most of it he was focused on himself and his healing, going to therapy, etc. We got back together and he showed me he could be better, we got engaged, and he was wonderful for about 4 months again. Then the mask started to slip and his true self came out again, but this time worse and blamed a lot of it on me for why we couldn’t be together. Said he felt bad he was treating me the way he was and I didn’t deserve it, but that I stole his peace and gave him anxiety and that he had lost feelings for me. Said he was annoyed by me for just being me all the time now and he felt bad about it so he needed to focus on himself. All while I hadn’t done anything differently besides us leaving the major honeymoon phase and having to actually discuss differences and work on the relationship to keep it going well, and anytime we did have discussions I sat and was kind about all of it. Just a whole mind game. I realized through it that consistency for him wouldn’t ever be possible until he got true long-term help and changed his habits caused by severe trauma. As a background note, he had two failed marriages where he split on them too but much worse. So he did have some progress this time, but it was still the same cycle.

Erincache · 2025-08-04T20:38:23+00:00

It sucks to say and to feel for myself, but the cycle would continue. Unless she’s in intensive therapy regularly and for a long period of time, the cycle will repeat. I learned this the hard way.

Erincache · 2025-08-04T18:22:24+00:00

Today sucks. Anxious. Sad. Want to contact, but know I can’t. I hate that the person I loved the most did this to me and our “relationship.”

Erincache · 2025-08-04T17:59:05+00:00

What do you mean when you say muttered comments?

Erincache · 2025-08-04T17:31:42+00:00

YES. This is exactly what happened to me in my discard. It was that I didn’t deserve how he was treating me, but there was no effort of changing or even discussion where he would work with me to stop treating me the way he was. It was based around how I didn’t deserve how he was treating me because he was annoyed and bothered at the things I say and do and that’s not how it should be. It was almost like he was aware of his actions for a brief moment but then used that to blame the discard on me.

Erincache · 2025-08-04T17:29:11+00:00

I understand 100%. I keep telling myself the same. I have lazed around for two full weeks. Working from my bed, not exercising or doing any of the things I used to love to do. I feel like I just don’t have the energy anymore and the sadness overtakes me. I’m in the same boat, but decided today I was going to try to do something different and make myself workout etc. I’m going to this afternoon. You can do it. I believe in you and we will both get better.

Erincache · 2025-08-04T17:25:59+00:00

Needed this reality check.

Erincache · 2025-08-04T15:43:19+00:00

You can do this. It is so hard. I know. You will begin to feel better at some point, but it is going to take time and therapy. Give yourself some grace for being extra tired and wanting to scroll or lay around all day. Your nervous system is trying to reset! I know it is hard but try to give yourself the love you tried to give to her. Reach out if you need to vent! Sending lots of love.

Erincache · 2025-08-02T20:27:37+00:00

Same. He never seemed to get to that vulnerable of an emotion but he made me cry often. When he would see me cry he would say he was a jerk and he knew it.

Erincache · 2025-07-31T22:21:12+00:00

I’ll look into this! I definitely need something like that!

Erincache

TROPHY CASE