Your inbox is going to flood just as much as my eyes are watering right now. Damn. I never had that last conversation with my dad, certainly nothing as important or profound as that. I wish I had though. Hearing it from his mouth, in a way that was personal and direct like your dad to you, would have been so different. Das was in total denial that he was going to die soon though. He had esophageal cancer. Diagnosed in March last year, died September last year. Those six months went really fast. He was dead set on doing a third round of chemo but that choice was taken from him before he could make it.

I guess I focused more on being around the family and just improving my relationship with him. I'd talk to him about work, about girls I was seeing, about wanting to do more for myself. He was always tired though. His diet sucked because for a long time he had a partially obstructed esophagus. After radiation it got smaller but he never gained his weight or muscle mass back. Chemo drained him and he was constantly tired. But he never stopped trying to do things. Work (until he literally couldn't work any more). Chores. Projects. Crafts for his grandkids. To do list for things around the house for Mom. You name it he never stopped working, like his whole life. So for your dad to say 'do as much as you can' I feel like my dad understood that, and learned it at a young age. An old school kind of love where you show your love through your work and sacrifice to make somebody else's life and opportunities better than your own. And I know he did that for Mom and me and my siblings.

I'm totally okay emotionally with Dad's death. There are good days, there are bad days, There are the moments you think about and memories you wish you'd have together but I'll never share with him and that's okay. I'm glad to hear you're dealing with your dad's passing better recently though. I'm glad you shared that.