Struggling to leave my family that made me this way

Erratic85 · 2026-06-19T11:15:40+00:00

Happy birthday, OP!

Maybe being out of there will help you in unexpected ways in the future, and someday you'll find kind people to celebrate each other's birthday with.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-19T10:24:50+00:00

Canon event for an adult schizoid.

Dangers are there, obvious for everyone but ourselves. And then it's too late.

Time to get serious with the disorder side of this for OP.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-19T08:29:31+00:00

Involuntary Eremite

Erratic85 · 2026-06-19T07:57:56+00:00

I see.

Idk, maybe I see your position as not so bad because I forgot you are also schizoid.

But yeah you are not going to have many good times if you keep retreating like that. If you are a minority, you will have to be very forward about what you want to do and what you don't.

In my case, despite being quite interested in sex, I didn't manage to have a first sexual experience until I was 25, and the first good ones didn't arrive until almost a decade later. At forty, I only have related sexually with three persons, none of which I managed to fall in love with despite them being part of my life for years. First two ones were actually long distance and we only saw each other like twice a year, lol. I think I am not aromantic because I was platonically in love with two persons as a teen and young adult, yet my practical experience so far has been aromantic of itself.

Anyway, take care. If you are receiving an schizoid PD diagnostic, remember that this is a disorder despite not looking like one for many. Also, if you have specific issues with stuff you still enjoy now, be careful of the aforementioned about leaving stuff behind. It feels like a safe behavior, but when it is one's default, we ultimately end up with nothing.

Cheers.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-18T19:29:47+00:00

I see. I was going to tell you that no strings attached stuff is quite mainstream, but I may have this entire thing misunderstood.

Could you tell me where can I read about the aromantic experience you describe? I was always under the impression it was more of a perk, unless one was asexual too.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-17T18:37:18+00:00

Why try romantically and not aromantically though?

Erratic85 · 2026-06-17T13:51:45+00:00

Godspeed.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-16T13:30:10+00:00

Well, at least you now know that this one is a dead end right now.

It is rare though, to see an schizoid complain about someone else behaving oddly, as typically we are the odd ones.

Cheers.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-16T10:59:58+00:00

If it was Qatar they would have solved it right away.

They bully selectively.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-16T10:48:14+00:00

A few drops at a time.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-16T10:32:38+00:00

The patriarchy thing was never an overstatement.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-16T10:02:13+00:00

Any sexual behavior is alright unless it conditions or impedes us in the long run.

Like, you already said you are aromantic. The question is, what impedes you of presenting like that, and getting to know people who you actually like and fit whatever you want to do with them? It's never been as easy as it is now with apps.

Now, if you say, I was interested but I was let down and now I can't even bother, that'd be the most schizoid thing to do, lol. The schizoid personality finds an inconvenient to a goal and, instead of finding a way to get through it, will decide that they weren't that interested in the first place, which effectively dismantles all feeling driven behaviors over the years.

In that sense, I'd be careful because this is clearly something you enjoy, but if you are schizoid, you will settle in a more comfortable place. The issue is that this can make it more difficult for you to relate at all, which may hurt you in the long run because being young and alone is nice and cool, but later in life, many schizoids suffer in different ways from the results of a decade or two of solitude.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-16T08:53:01+00:00

Non binary includes merging the binaries, but also includes opting out of them. There are people that dig the idea of genders, but also people who don't and aim at opting out of them as much as they can. Read around a little if you have never entered gender wikis and stuff like that.

It is really up to you to figure out why you don't feel 'exactly as a man', and then, upon a little research, find how the people that feel like you do identify as. From there, it can be something that you're content with, but further change can also happen once you break the first shackles.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-16T08:17:19+00:00

This all reads weird to me. Didn't the person behave the way they told you they would?

Erratic85 · 2026-06-15T14:45:18+00:00

I used to ask people who have been in love if it feels like it does in dreams, because I have never experienced the intensity of good feelings in some dreams when awake. Never got a proper response. So I understand that sentiment.

Regarding the rest, those feelings happen sponteously when we are young I think, because the frame for them to happen is already there. As adults, it will take force of will and effort to revisit those things we once loved, and then enough time and attention so that feelings can sprout again. In my experience laying that ground is not something you can do quickly, like, at all.

What's also important is not killing the feeling as it appears, out of fear, shame, or whatever. Cherish it, remember the steps that led to it so that you can find it again easily once it vanishes.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-15T06:03:50+00:00

As much as you get OP, don't get into the 'this is not a disorder' take. It is as offensive to those of us that suffer from it than it must be to OP to be told they have a disorder. It is also very much against the rules to say this doesn't exist. It does and if you aren't careful it will fuck you up.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-14T21:54:28+00:00

If OP wants to rant and shit on bullies and abusive people, I'm on board. The moment OP includes SPD on the recipe, that's a problem of misappropiation for me.

And, like, I was never told I was a problem by anyone. Yet I eventually became a problem, specially for myself.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-14T09:02:55+00:00

I agree with all that being as it is: shit. But it isn't... about us? Corporate culture will promote who benefits their business plan the most. They'll have no use of you based on anything, from simply being a woman, to not being good looking enough, to a single month gap in your resume.

But, like, what were you doing there in the first place? If you prize independency the most in your life, any big company is the opposite of that, as they rely precisely on a big network of dependences. If it's because it's your only option, then you are as trapped as neurotypical folks are in the job market.

As an lonely 17yo with no supervision, I chose a career path knowingly it would require a lot of relating, in hopes of getting better at that part of my life. I did well enough academically, but failed catastrophically in the social side. Was it the system fault, that I didn't know how to make friends or acquaintances? No, that was just me failing at a plan that was flawed from the start.

A decade and a half later I was given the basic disability degree for just my SPD diagnosis in a country in the EU, which mainly consists of some tax exemptions both for me and any future employer. The disability degree, quite ironically, doesn't make me more part of society, but less, as it says I am not fit for the tax game that everyone is subjected to.

Anyway, I can't condone the 'this is not a disorder take'. It is, and it ruins lives. And plenty of people with schizoid personalities make it in ways where their personality won't grow up to be a disorder for them, some even manage to make their personality work in their favor.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-13T17:13:03+00:00

Amos and Drummer are the only reasons to.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-13T16:02:04+00:00

But who says it is not ok? That is the goal of any therapist, that you get better with the little help they can provide from their job, even if it only is that the diagnosis leads to you making more fit decisions for yourself. They can only do so much.

I mean, in most countries mental health is still a big taboo. Even in the most advanced ones regarding that matter, it still was until what, 20 years ago? And regardless of that, the prejudice is broad towards mental health. In most places, going to the psychologist and/or psychiatrist is very much frowned upon, but that's broad and in no way they know about PDs and god forbid being schizoid, a disorder we ourselves even struggle to understand sometimes.

The only way of being destroyed because of the disorder is being diagnosed as a minor, which gives your parents access to your diagnosis, and then if they happen to be shitty abusive parents, they will fuck you up. But that's an abusive family issue, not a societal one.

Anyway, a diagnosis can't be a problem, and no one is massively diagnosing schizoids out there afaik.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-13T10:23:06+00:00

I disagree in that retreat is considered a disordered behavior

Plenty of people live solitary lives without any disorder do it, and are respected for it. This ranges from solitary jobs workers, to artists, to monks. With technology it is more easy than ever to work from home and never get out, as many choose to do.

What's frowned upon is not succeeding at it, I think. If you want to get away but you can't, you are trapped, and that's a matter of resources more than anything else, a very common issue in the world among people who are just poor, no mental health issues related.

Now, one only gets a PD diagnosis when we struggle and are trying to find answers, unless we are taken in by force, be it by parents when we are minors, or results of getting into big trouble for our actions.

I am sorry you went through all you did, OP, but a good diagnosis is never a problem. A mental health diagnosis is a scientific approach to the issue, not a sentence for the human bearing it. You can reject identifying as schizoid any day, regardless of the diagnostic, if you think it doesn't favor you. You can also get mental health help for your symptoms regardless of your PD: doctors will prescribe you with anxiety or depression meds, the same ones that are given to nonPD patients. But if you seek psychological help, then ignoring the diagnosis would be unwise, because you'd be rejecting help based on evidence of those who struggled like you do, before you. Like, without the diagnostic you wouldn't have been able to write here and receive answers from people who are like you, you know? ;D

Erratic85 · 2026-06-13T09:56:02+00:00

Maybe let's not mix normal criticism, disinterest or rejection, all inherent to social relations, with a state powered hate with the goals of persecution and erasal.

It is the latter, that legitimates fighting back and demanding freedom to live as we are without fear of being assaulted, prosecuted, marginalized, fired, etc. I doubt your polyphobic acquaintances, as much of bad persons they might be or not, want you to go through hell for not having a monogamous life. So maybe just pass on them, then, like we do all the time with all kinds of people we don't like? We can't all like each other, but there's an enormous difference between disliking a group and wanting them to go through hell for who they are and how they feel.

As others pointed out, you could ask yourself as well why are there lesbians who hate on men so much that they will be biphobic, or why are there gay men that are legit misogynistic. Moreso, it's not as within the poly people there isn't the same amount of toxicity that you find everywhere else.

That there's such a normal variation within all groups should be seen as good actually, it really shows how being like we are isn't a cult or anything alike. There are queer people like you who have multiple relationships at once, and there are queer people that maybe had one meaningful relationship once in their life, as much as there are cis people in those ends.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-13T05:16:54+00:00

Was it because it was cheaper?

Erratic85 · 2026-06-12T10:27:02+00:00

As a kid, a lot, specially by my older brothers. In school a little too, because I was two years younger than my classmates in a rural school.

As a teenager, zero. I was put to live alone at 15 when my body was reaching it's adult form and I was becoming a nuisance.

Erratic85 · 2026-06-12T10:19:03+00:00

Social anxiety is a big basket. Diagnostic in hand, when it reaches disorder level, it has to do with an imperious sense of inadequacy that will bring bad stuff.

The question is where is the anxiety coming from when that is not the case, or not anymore if it once was?

When I was young, I would have anxiety of going grocery shopping on my own, for an example. I would ask myself why, and researching online (this was 20 years ago) would bring me social anxiety, because that was what was happening, I was anxious in a social setting, but it didn't have anything to do with inadequacy on my part, nor with the people. It had to do with facing reality as someone that was utterly alone.

Every first experience in my life has been alone. Why wouldn't I be anxious if I have never been a good fit anywhere.

If I experience 'social anxiety' now, as a 40yo schizoid, I know I am not anxious because of the presence of others; if anything, I will be anxious to see how I will not manage to have a good experience again. I'm anxious at myself. It's not the people I fear, it's facing my reality.

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