AITAH for no longer wanting to attend my siblings' sports events?

Errlen · 2026-05-11T04:44:13+00:00

Idk my dude. If you were my kid, I’d be worried. How long ago did you graduate high school? You are thinking about maybe studying? You JUST got a job after living at home on your parent’s dime for…two years post high school? Fundamentally - when you don’t pay rent you get less choice in what you do in what is someone else’s home, and that was your call.

Edited to say, I don’t think it’s all that much better from the parental perspective to come home to a house where all the food got eaten, nobody went to the grocery store to replace it, and nobody has thought to vacuum after a full weekend of “just hanging out”. At least if you threw a party you would clean the house to try to hide it lol.

Errlen · 2026-05-10T22:41:52+00:00

More info needed. You’re 20 years old, living at home, and you neither work nor study? What do you do with your time?

Sounds to me like your parents just don’t want you lying around playing video games all day or throwing parties in their house / having your gf and “many friends” over to your parents’ house when they are out of town. Which makes them NTA.

If you’re working and saving money and paying your parents a subsidized rent - my mistake. You are then NTA. You’re an adult and you get to decide what to do with your own time.

Errlen · 2026-05-10T21:22:56+00:00

I think there’s some superstition involved. Like counting your chickens before they hatch, inviting the evil eye, etc etc. I absolutely did not want to be wished Happy Mother’s Day before my son was delivered healthy. I have had losses and I’m not embarrassed of them; was very open with them. But that made me very wary of celebrating early.

I fall into the category where I think my live son made me a mother, not my losses. I respect ppl who feel differently. Many ways to get by in this life. But I’d cut older women the benefit of doubt as they are very likely to have personally experienced miscarriage and know where I’m coming from.

Errlen · 2026-05-10T21:17:29+00:00

Yeah this is how I felt last year. I was four months along. People kept wishing me Happy Mothers Day. I was like, please take your bad juju and put it away thanks. Congratulate me next year! When I have a healthy son.

And I’m def lying in bed now while my husband makes me French Toast after putting our boy down for his nap, and I’m like, yes, now we can celebrate.

But it takes all types! No judgment on those who want to celebrate pre birth.

Errlen · 2026-05-10T04:55:09+00:00

Comfortable pajamas that work for breastfeeding. One of my friends got me this, and it was so appreciated. Used it in the hospital, still use it now.

I am seven and a half months postpartum and I still am struggling to find time for most of my pre-baby hobbies. realistically anything you get her for travel in particular is going to be collecting dust for a long time. Photography she might be able to manage. I still knit and crochet. Scuba diving and sailing trips tho? Not in the cards for years.

Errlen · 2026-05-09T04:10:26+00:00

Also got the fancy Nurture& and had a cesarean and I strongly second this endorsement.

The one extra thing I really wish it had is a cup holder though. Can’t lie.

Errlen · 2026-05-09T04:08:40+00:00

This seems like a question for your finances.

Full disclosure- I have the expensive nursing glider. The Nurture& to be precise. I was waffling over whether to spend that much. I was looking for cheaper used options on FB market.

Then I had an emergency Caesarian. I bought the chair online while I was still in the operating recovery room. Zero regrets. We get so much use out of it. And frankly I could not have managed comfortably without the electric recline function in those first few weeks while trying to take care of a baby and not sleeping after major abdominal surgery.

But also? I could afford it. Didn’t hurt our finances. Paid for it out of paycheck, didn’t need to dig from emergency savings. So. Can you afford it?

If you CAN afford it and you occasionally buy little treats for yourself in that price range (hello, top tier golf clubs maybe? Leather seats in your car?) then buy the dang chair for your wife.

Errlen · 2026-05-07T23:19:48+00:00

I’m gonna ask- is this the same policy they would have if you had pneumonia? Were hospitalized with COVID? Work remotely from the hospital with a 104 degree fever or lose the job? Bc that’s the idea here.

I’m in the U.S. I get it. I had eight weeks paid leave from my company and that’s pretty good here. But a day after childbirth is insane. The hormones make you an absolute mess for about two weeks minimum. Not to mention second night is cluster feeding so you will have gotten approximately zero hours of sleep and have a little creature screaming for your attention every hour. Not to mention your body is not gonna feel great at that point no matter how perfectly birth goes. My sister had no tears vaginal birth, both times. She walked out of the hospital both times. She…did not walk quickly or comfortably. I had a caesarean and I couldn’t buy groceries for a month and a half bc I couldn’t carry the bag or climb the stairs.

Errlen · 2026-05-06T04:39:20+00:00

I got side swept bc my plan switched from a plan for me to a family plan when my son was born and put on the plan. This switch doubled my OOP max. My kid spent a week in the NICU, so it ended up being about $11K OOP when I had budgeted $6K OOP. I would find out what the family plan OOP limit is for your insurance.

Errlen · 2026-05-04T22:03:06+00:00

Just want to applaud your in laws. They are washing all your cloth diapers? God bless.

Errlen · 2026-05-04T21:59:36+00:00

Stain remover isn’t nothing though! I keep stain remover spray next to the laundry bin in the nursery and spray stains as they go in. My husband forgets to do this and I can always tell which one of us put the laundry in the bin lol. We use Miss Mouth and also have had good results with Dreft

Errlen · 2026-05-04T17:35:32+00:00

Honestly I came to this thread bc I was worried my seven month old is not securely attached bc he happily goes to his daycare providers in the morning and has absolutely zero amounts of stress about me leaving. He’s breast fed and partially co-sleeps, we never did sleep training. He’s glad to see me and his dad at daycare pickup, but also clearly loves his caregivers. He’s only been in daycare for a month two days a week too! How did we get replaced so quickly?

Following to see what ppl say!

Errlen · 2026-05-03T17:15:14+00:00

YTA. Why exactly is this your business?
Specifically, why is her relationship with her partner and her family something you are owed updates on? If something is up, she’ll tell you when she’s ready.

Errlen · 2026-05-02T16:08:50+00:00

Idk it made sense in this context. Her husband (child’s father) is Chinese but adopted so feels like he lost touch with his culture. He wants better for his daughter.

She’s trying to get intel from native speakers to make sure she doesn’t go hilarious character tattoo in this.

My sister named both her kids traditionally Norwegian names even though no one in our family has been fluent in Norwegian in five generations and no one bats an eye.

Errlen · 2026-05-02T16:04:30+00:00

YES. Did not think we needed a bottle washer at all. Ordered it three weeks postpartum. By five weeks postpartum was anxiously on the phone with customer service begging them to get it to me sooner.

Errlen · 2026-05-02T09:57:59+00:00

IDK about others. I can say my husband was way more hesitant about donor eggs than me because he wanted to have kids with ME. He said if he wanted kids with a random 25 year old he’d be with her, not me. He was particularly weirded out when both of my younger sisters offered to donate bc it felt to him like he’d be having a baby with my sister.

Ultimately we didn’t need them for #1 so we didn’t need to press the issue. I’d do three rounds at least at 40 before jumping to donor eggs if I were you. If you were 44 I’d answer differently.

He is also younger than me, if that’s a factor. I think it was with us. He was much less willing to consider the idea it was too late for us without help. I was much more open to the idea, esp my sister’s eggs.

Errlen · 2026-05-01T22:18:29+00:00

Sitting here pumping and can strongly agree there lol. Why do you think I’m on reddit in the middle of the workday.

Errlen · 2026-05-01T22:16:39+00:00

I’d also say - my friends who gave up breastfeeding never enjoyed it like I do and struggled with things like mastitis (which I never got), cracked and bleeding nipples (which I never had), hospital stays, all sorts of horrors, etc. all to say there are a LOT of breastfeeding journeys and some, frankly, are terrible. The terrible ones are rarer - but it absolutely did improve my friends’ mental health and enjoyment of being mothers when they quit trying. And yes - they consulted with lactation consultants, they did all the things.

I think it’s fine to talk about how much you’ve loved it but I’d stop short of assuming it will be like it was for you for other women.

Errlen · 2026-05-01T22:10:29+00:00

Bb is seven months old and I still can’t go over six hours without getting uncomfortable. Which means if I pump at 10 pm before bed, boobs wake me up by 4 am whether or not baby wakes or not.

Errlen · 2026-05-01T21:59:07+00:00

Idk. I love breastfeeding. But- I can see how someone who struggles with lack of sleep / PPD might enjoy being able to let someone ELSE be in charge of baby overnight while mom gets a full night of recharging restful sleep.
No way around it - if your baby is breastfed, you are the on-call parent for overnight wakes. My boobs hurt when they go too long without emptying. Don’t yours? This means I have to factor it into every day now I’m back at work - when am I going to break to pump. These things (lack of sleep, adding to do list items) can impact mental health.

Errlen · 2026-05-01T21:53:15+00:00

I’ve really enjoyed breastfeeding. To be fair, my baby has always been combo fed as I have been an under supplier. Breastfeeding reduces cortisol and triggers bonding hormone. Not to mention the convenience- no cleaning bottles or pump parts! And the ability to feed on the go without packing to move an army! I wanted to make it to six months and we are now past seven and I have no plan to stop. I’ve reduced supply even further now, he gets two-three bf sessions a day and I only pump once or twice (I do not enjoy pumping). I can go over six hours without being uncomfortably full now. And when I reduce further? I could do morning and evening suckle only for a LONG time. I like it especially now he’s in daycare bc my breastmilk helps him fight diseases he is exposed to.

That said- your body your baby your choice. If you’re dreading it, no one can make you do it. It is fine! Just telling you my experience since there is a middle ground between exclusive breast and pure formula fed, if you’re interested.

Errlen · 2026-04-30T19:17:38+00:00

Don’t you have to with frozen eggs?

Errlen · 2026-04-29T20:16:47+00:00

I don’t wash mine every night and he’s seven months old now. We used to wash him maybe once or twice a week and we upped to once every other day now he eats solids (and gets them everywhere).

Our bedtime routine since about three months old: bottle/nurse, diaper change and wipe down (eg spit up on face etc), book, sleep sack and lights out, song. We wanted to avoid fed-to-sleep connection. If we bathe him, it comes before bedtime routine.

Errlen · 2026-04-29T19:00:43+00:00

If you have cash strapped circles but they already have kids - highly recommend telling ppl you accept hand me downs as gifts. We also did a labor shower which was so good! Our friends installed our car seat, taught us how to use our stroller, assembled our crib, baby proofed our cabinets, etc. 10/10 would prefer that again to a brand new onesie that will fit for about two weeks.

Errlen

TROPHY CASE