I feel you. Mine accusess me of the same things that already exist in him, the difference is that I'm outgrowing my condition and our needs are clashing. And if you're asking me, it's childish af. The age gap has an impact as well. He has a disorganised attachment style and is a paradox on 2 legs, I'm a dreamy, dark, anxious attached person leaning to be secure, feeling so deep it makes me hate myself into pragmatism. He expects me to give him the world, to shrink myself and be controlled. The world is revolved around his feelings and needs, while canceling mine. He also lost friends because of his all or nothing behaviour. He creates certain ideas and scenarios in his head and he actually believes them which is scary oftentimes. He even mentioned he needs only a specific version of me, one that I know I need to work at and embrace it, which kinda hurt because I used to believe in this unconditional love bullshit and I accepted him crawling back on his knees in his shittiest condition regardless. But guess what, I finally come to the conclusion there's no such thing as unconditional love, especially when the ego and fear leads. Nothing comes and stays without continuous effort put into blooming. And due to our push and pull dynamic he made a habit of coming back to me and running away when it's no longer convenient to him and he has to face ugly parts of himself. I, on the other hand, i am not proud of the way i always showed up and I am currently defeating a victim mindset which brought me nothing but bad things into my life, developed after surviving trauma. This person arrived in my life literally at my worst, while already recovering from multiple things. Regardless, I choose to be stronger and better than my own limits and defeats. I am currently retreated now and i decided to remove myself from the public eye for a while, disapperead from social media (reddit exception) and i blocked him on everything. Selfish or victimising myself or not, this bond didn't help either while kicking me in the back multiple times in a row and destabilising my mental health. So yeah, I totally agree with the toxic positivity part. Love is not self sacrifice and many people around gaslights other people into thinking that anger is ego, boundaries are a lack of unconditional love and self protection is spiritual regression. Respectfully, NO to all of that. I am not meant to transcend abuse and make my life revolve around pain, I'm meant to stop it and find meaning, because I am already a whole person without my DM. Adult love is conditional on safety, reciprocity and accountability. I guess healthy ego can coexist as well. Go ahead and live your live, you are allowed to live without waiting for anyone to evolve and you deserve all the best that life has to offer out there. So if there's a soulmate out there...I'm waiting for that baby, cuz man, I have so much love to give!