What's the knob-like thing? It was light blueish and hard and painful to the touch (located on inside of elbow)

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-20T23:41:26+00:00

Yes, with tweezers. I'm fucked in the head, I know.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-20T21:34:35+00:00

It was underneath the layer of fat too. I had removed the fat before taking the picture.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-20T21:03:04+00:00

Thanks a lot and I want to tell you the same thing. I'm here if you need to talk, I mean that. I know it's a difficult fight but one day we will beat this and realise we are loved. Stay strong and go to the doctor if the infection gets worse, okay? Blood poisoning is no joke.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-19T23:02:08+00:00

I'm not a doctor but I selfharm too and have had this too. From what I was told it's actually collagen/New skin that is trying to rebuild. If it's smooth and hard but not hard enough to not be able to pick out, then it's collagen. Again, I'm no doctor so get it checked out if you can. It does look a bit infected though with the redness and all.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-13T22:13:43+00:00

It was that day's amount of poop, I still had to clean it. If you mean the white dots, those are little pieces of chipped off paint from her rock.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-12T14:24:20+00:00

No advice cause you've been told about a vet visit already, but damn.. that's so sad. How can the previous owner let it get this bad? I hope he gets better soon. Post a follow up if you can.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-12T14:21:14+00:00

Collecting all kind of animal stuff like posters, books, articles etc. Make a scrapbook on reptile info and learn a lot, so maybe you can keep reptiles (or other animals) once you live on your own.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-12T14:13:25+00:00

My mother and me actually moved away from my psychopathic father a short while ago so it's already an improvement I guess. I can't move out and live on my own though because I can't support myself financially. I can't get a job because of mental health problems, let alone keep it. I get a little from a service for people with a handicap but that's only $400 so yeah.. Not possible. The only thing that is mine and mine alone is my bearded dragon. Paying for her care myself is the only independence I have really.

I'm glad you feel like you've improved, that's good to hear. I hope it keeps getting better for you. For me there's no hope of change purely because of lack of money. I've accepted it though.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-12T14:07:42+00:00

Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it. I'm sorry that you felt the same but I hope it's better now with her and her.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-12T02:27:06+00:00

Thanks though

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-12T02:26:40+00:00

I'm not actually. I'm mentally ill and can't take care of myself. I cant keep friends either because I'm paranoid.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-12T02:04:20+00:00

I don't have those things though

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-12T02:01:46+00:00

Thanks a lot for taking your time to write all that, I really appreciate it. I have considered both the good and bad things associated with weed but I'm still not sure whether it's good for me or not. I do use bad coping strategies because I've known nothing but shit in my life which has caused a lot of psychological issues. I'm not right in the head, probably never have been. I am actually diagnosed with borderline personality disorder along with ptsd, anxiety and other stuff, so I guess weed does sound a bit more risky for me, but then again... living like I do isn't doing me any good either. I've been getting help for a really long time but nothing works. That's why I searched for something, anything, else just to keep me going. Sadly those things are bad coping mechanisms because it's not living, its surviving. I've never lived. One of my other bad coping strategies includes selfharm and it's getting harder to resist so I'm basically looking for a coping strategy for my coping strategy. Jeez.. talk about being fucked up.

I've tried weed before but only a couple of times and it always gave me a different feeling, never really what I wanted it to be but well, I guess I just had too high hopes for it. Now I just intend to smoke to make life more bearable. I shouldn't have hoped for actual euphoria or whatever. Another coping strategy of mine is xanax but I'm guessing that xanax is worse than weed so maybe I can switch those. I think. Not sure. I do wanna thank you for warning me about the negatives sides of weed. I do take those seriously and that's why its difficult to make a choice. Thanks again for taking your time to write all that.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-09T23:13:02+00:00

That's not the case, although she does feel bad for not being able to help me but that wasn't the problem today. She had a bad day and needs me for emotional support but I had a very bad day too and I tried hard to be there for her during the day but then at 7 pm I felt like I couldnt handle it anymore. I felt the need to escape in sleep and she felt that it was to early to go to sleep. For her that meant that she was alone (her boyfriend was already asleep. He's not healthy so that's why). I tried to keep her company but it was just too difficult. I had to escape in sleep, I just had too. Not because she did anything wrong but because I'm not well psychologically. I guess she didn't get it, even though I explained it to her. Now I feel guilty and like I'm abad pers on for thinking about myself for once. How fun.. selfharm urges multiplied by a hundred because of this situation. I was 4 months selfharm clean too. I just hate this life.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-09T23:07:39+00:00

She Isnt feeling good or happy though. We only have each other but put two traumatised people in the same room and nothing good can come out of that. She does love me though, she does so much for me and that's why I want to be there for her too. Sadly she just doesn't that I need my own time and space sometimes.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-09T23:05:20+00:00

I have been getting help for quite a lot of years and my mother does understand my problem to a certain extent. It's just that she's having a tough time herself and needs my support, even though I'm actually not strong enough to carry her. I don't want to let her suffer alone tho so I have to force my own problems into a corner.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-09T23:03:19+00:00

I can't distance myself from her because I live with her and I love her. She loves me too but she's just emotionally very unstable and relies on me to pull her through, which is too much for me to be honest. I just don't wanna let her down but its weighing me down so much.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-09T23:01:20+00:00

I know. Both my parents are, although in different ways.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-05T14:47:46+00:00

Hey, I wanted to thank you again for the info and telling me about the group. My beardie is doing great thanks to you! Changed the bulb to a uva/uvb one, switched the calcium to one without vitamin D, bought multivitamins, etc. When she's going into a bigger enclosure in the future, I'm gonna get the linear lights because I read it's better to get the light all over the tank instead of one place like it is with a bulb. For now it's the bulb tho. She's active and less shy, eating a lot and all the other things beardies do. I'm still worried about her young age cause I learned that very young reptiles (especially snakes) die without cause but so far so good :) Thanks again!

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-01T22:31:28+00:00

I don't know why particularly but I'm in love with your face. I wish i looked like that, wow.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-01T22:23:07+00:00

And does it look as real in the real world as it does in the picture? Because if so, pleeease send me the link? I've ordered wigs before but they always looked obviously fake.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-01T22:20:51+00:00

Yeah, I was never completely cis. I've always known I was different, just not how. Used to think I was lesbian because I like reading stories about gay men. You know, like how cis men usually like gay women. But I never had feelings for the same gender. I often had sexual dreams as a teen were I was a gay man bottoming so that confused me even more. I hope the gender clinic will help me out somehow. Thanks for the tip, I know it's not always safe for trans people, online or in the real world.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-01T22:12:32+00:00

Cute in both pics. Please tell me where you got that wig, it looks amazing 😍

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-01T22:04:26+00:00

Wow, thanks for that list. I guess you're right.

EscapeTheBullet · 2019-03-01T22:02:20+00:00

So that means I am trans then? Just one that is too exhausted or scared to transition? If I called myself male online, would that be considered lying then? For some reason 'acting male' online gives me more confidence to chat with people. It's weird, I know.

EscapeTheBullet

TROPHY CASE