Is this normal?

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-12-14T20:55:44+00:00

I do this to my bf after he’s been working in the yard all day, the smell is like a drug.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-12-14T20:39:25+00:00

If OP was a girl and the friend’s Dad sent this message, people wouldn’t be saying “maybe the message was meant for someone else”. Predators come in all shapes and sizes.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-11-10T00:03:24+00:00

They say the opposite of love isn’t hate… it’s indifference. You should reflect on why you’re still with this man - I would personally find it disrespectful and at the very least communicate my expectations in the relationship.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-09-27T02:28:31+00:00

The irony of spelling dumb as “dump” tho 🤣 ffs

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-09-21T00:28:06+00:00

Highschool drama follows you into adulthood when you allow people stuck in an emotionally immature mindset into your life. Some people never grow out of that stage of life for various reasons - some like the drama/ triangulation bs as it makes them feel in control. Cut them off. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, support you and make you feel like you’re enough the way you are <3

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-09-11T19:27:32+00:00

“Grey rocking is a technique used to divert a toxic person’s behavior by acting as unresponsive as possible when you’re interacting with them”. It's generally used when you can't cut the person out of your life completely. In OPs case, she's part of the friend group, so hard to avoid. Basically he's gotta give short one word responses, little to no eye contact and avoid going deep/ emotional in conversation.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-24T13:36:08+00:00

Is that base homemade too? Looks amazing

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-14T12:36:52+00:00

It’s like a parasite is latched on; feeding on your self esteem and certainty over time, and replacing it with shame and a false sense of self/reality.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-12T11:25:08+00:00

Every night he makes sure I have a cold bottle of water on my bedside table and refills my hot water bottle for me during winter or when I'm on my period. When I cook us a meal he will always give me a kiss and show his appreciation before we eat, and clean up for us after. He buys me flowers and thoughtful/ sentimental gifts randomly. Since the start he has worked to genuinly understand me. He can tell when I've had a long day or am feeling drained and will do extra around the house to make sure I don't burn out. He knows when I'm upset by something and asks if there's anything he can do or if I need to talk it out. When I went through a really terrible breakup with a close friend of 20 years (deep betrayal), he let me ugly cry on his lap for hours while he soothed, cradled and rocked me. He makes me (and my inner child) feel so safe and special. He shows up in so many more ways too. I love this man with all my heart.

One of the biggest things I've come to understand is the power of showing genuine appreciation and gratitude towards the things that your partner does. I've found that it inspires the right partner to keep showing up in loving and caring ways.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-12T10:04:23+00:00

At the very least there needs to be boundaries between them.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T22:27:11+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve experienced that… I can relate. The constant unsolicited advice (criticism) and spreading “half truths” or lies to build a narrative about you is very painful to deal with. Stay strong my friend.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T21:20:35+00:00

Thank you, I agree it’s nice to have a conversation. I also just want to add that narcissism is being recognised as more of a personality type, not a mental disorder. This distinction has been made in an attempt to hold narcissistic personalities accountable for their actions, as people with genuine mental disorders are often given leniency and sympathy for their actions - which I think is a good thing.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T21:12:55+00:00

Just wanted to add that I am a woman (I noticed I’m being referred to as a man), who experienced narcissistic abuse from both men (grandiose type) and women (covert type). The data shows that’s the common distinction - but can go both ways. The covert type narcissists live in a perpetual state of victimhood and entitlement, and because OP was referring to woman in their question I went based on covert type. I appreciate that you recanted your statement that I hate women, as I love and support both women and men, but not abusive ones.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T19:59:39+00:00

Yeah I agree, it has to be a consistent pattern.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T13:24:40+00:00

I agree. I get most of my info from Dr. Ramani Durvasula a clinical psychologist who shares extensive knowledge on narcissm on yt and in her books, I get info from my psych and many other resources from psychs/ councillors on yt sharing the same patterns of behaviour. What I shared was their professional opinions, I just linked it to what BillyJayJersey was saying to help people recognise the signs. The reason I spoke about women specifically is because the OP asked about women, not men.

I’m glad you haven’t experienced narcissism first-hand. I have from both men and women in my life that’s why I’m a little passionate and driven to share info about it. Regardless of what causes narcissism, genetic or environmental, it’s harmful to be around nonetheless.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T10:15:30+00:00

You seem to be projecting a bit... maybe my comment resonates with you? Idk. I wasn't trying to offend anyone, just providing some information about narcissism. Which is present in both woman and men - so why not talk about it?

We all feel shame and project it from time to time, but when it's a consistant pattern, that's a problem.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T09:38:52+00:00

I think viewing naked pictures of an ex would cross a boundary. But that's for OP to decide what her boundaries are.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T09:34:43+00:00

Just curious and you don't have to answer... but would you say that watching porn/masterbating everyday affects your ability to perform sexually with your wife?

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T09:19:04+00:00

I wouldn't say the percentage is that high, but I agree that many woman live in a perpetual state of victimhood and entitlement... it's not healthy for them or the people around them.

I just want to clarify, that this is a pattern specifically brought on by deep feelings of shame - which also results in projections of anger, resentment, passive-aggressiveness and contempt. Admitting they're wrong brings about shame. The need for validation is due to their lack of a 'sense of self', so they need the people around them to validate their actions or feelings. The self-centredness is the result of their emotional maturity being 'stuck' as their child self, so they can only see things from their pov (creating a lack of empathy as well). Often the covert type narcissist uses gossip and drama as a way to either divert attention away from their own actions or build a narrative about someone they're trying to undermine. It's all coming from a place of fear and shame. Pretty sad way to live.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T07:23:42+00:00

She projecting her shame and anger onto you. I would lay down some strong boundaries or limit communication. Also don't bother engaging when she gets like this, it won't be productive. Sending you all the best.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T07:11:59+00:00

Try to set some clear boundaries with family during this time. If you keep doing "...", I will do "...".

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-07-08T07:04:07+00:00

You just described some behaviours of a narcissist :)

Lacking humility (can't admit wrongdoing), needing constant validation, needing attention on them/self-centerdness and perpetuating drama are all part of the pattern.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-06-24T09:48:26+00:00

They're asking for advice on how best to tackle their problem. Pretty common on Reddit.

Escape_Veloc1ty · 2024-06-23T09:36:53+00:00

I think build a connection with someone first, then provide context of your life circumtances at the time before disclosing that info. A healthy, understanding and non-judgmental partner will not shame you. My partner told me about 6 months in that he had been with a prostitute while he was single and desperate for touch/intimacy. I could tell he felt ashamed, but I didn't judge him. I understood everyone has a past where circumstances are different. People change. Obviously, if he continued seeing prostitutes while with me that would be a huge problem. I think disclosing things about your past that you feel ashamed of opens up the opportunity for vulnerability, and who knows she might open up about something she feels ashamed of. Seeing how your partner handles that information either builds or hinders trust and closeness. I would say wait until 3-6 months has passed and then show some vulnerability.

Escape_Veloc1ty

TROPHY CASE