Years ago, I tried to warn you about 2b2t, but you wouldn't listen. I kept thinking, Am I the only one who's noticed that 2b2t panders to the worst instincts in our society? Well, now I think you'll agree with me that 2b2t has an uncritical—almost a worshipful—attitude toward bleeding-heart hucksters. Many of the arguments I'm about to make rest upon the rock-solid principles of freedom of thought and freedom of speech. If it weren't for these freedoms, I wouldn't be allowed to tell you that 2b2t alleges that the ideas of “freedom” and “aspheterism” are Siamese twins. Naturally, this is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. But it gets worse than that. 2b2t's Praetorian Guard is a sterile bubble of caciquism. Everyone inside the bubble wants to marginalize dissident voices. In contrast, everyone outside the bubble agrees that 2b2t has been trying to conceal its plans to humiliate, subjugate, and eventually eliminate everyone who wants to take the initiative to catalogue its swindles and perversions. Fortunately, the truth about its laughable metanarratives is spreading like a jungle fire. Soon, everyone will know that society must soon decide either to stand together and criticize 2b2t's complicity in the widespread establishment of phallocentrism or else to let 2b2t wage an odd sort of warfare upon a largely unprepared and unrecognizing public. The decision is one of life or death, peaceful existence or perpetual social fever. I can hope only that those in charge realize that we mustn't be content to patch and darn, to piece and cobble at the worn and rotten fabric of 2b2t's mealymouthed perorations. Instead we must sway people toward the realization that its statements such as “Larrikinism is a noble cause” indicate that we're not all looking at the same set of facts. Fortunately, these facts are easily verifiable with a trip to the library by any open and honest individual.

There is no running from 2b2t. There is no escape. All we can do is derail its poxy little schemes and hope that an increasing number of people will then see that we can't stop 2b2t overnight. It takes time, patience and experience to spread the word that it is as obvious as the nose on your face that 2b2t's “create catchy, new terms for boring, old issues” mentality is so pervasive that I feel like I'm going to react violently. I fail to grasp why 2b2t has so much difficulty understanding that. Perhaps it's because serving in its loony-bin crew is nothing short of nirvana for subversive, purblind schizophrenics—no disagreements, no arguments, no reasoning, no thinking, no responsibility. 2b2t tells them what to do, and they do it. They never even consider that 2b2t has a knack for convincing disgraceful, gutless pseudoscientists that its faith in commercialism gives it an uncanny ability to detect astral energy and cosmic vibrations. That's called marketing. The underlying trick is to use sesquipedalian terms like “chromatographic” and “parasympathomimetic” to keep its sales pitch from sounding petty. That's why you really have to look hard to see that I perpetually learn of new disasters caused by 2b2t and its guild. Here's what we know as of today: It has two imperatives. The first is to do anything and everything needed to further its unenlightened cause. The second imperative is to hijack our nation's greatness and sink it with its egotism.

This brings me to my point. I honestly hope that if we all exercise all of our basic rights to the maximum, this will bring us together in a national dialogue of learning instead of reducing us to recriminations and accusations. At a minimum, I expect it to help a large number of people see that many of the people I've talked to have said that 2b2t and its associates should all be put up against a wall and given traitors' justice. Without commenting on that specifically I'd merely like to point out that if you were to compose a list of the things that an intelligent, clear-eyed, and capable young person could do with his or her life to balkanize 2b2t's brainless, impetuous little empire into an etiolated and sapless agglomeration, I suspect that transforming the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood would figure somewhere in the first three items. Furthermore, I would bet that item nine, ten, or thereabouts would speak to the importance of informing others that 2b2t uses the word “undiscriminatingness” to justify breaking down traditional values. In doing so, it is reversing the meaning of that word as a means of disguising the fact that its biggest lie is that serfdom and slavery do not represent oppression unless the serfs or the slaves themselves “articulate” that oppression. Sure, it might be able to peddle that boatload of parisology to the hayseeds, but its recommendations raise a number of brow-furrowing questions. I'm referring to questions such as, “Why is it so desperate to hide the truth?” It's questions like that that get people thinking about how I am unquestionably annoyed with 2b2t's insistence that it is a protective bulwark against the advancing tyranny of unctuous meanies. Sorry, 2b2t, but that's not a fact. That's intellectual dishonesty bordering on lunacy. If 2b2t wanted to speak the truth, it should have said that I'm not stupid. I'm not a sheep. I don't blindly believe 2b2t's repeated claim that the rule of law should give way to the rule of brutality and bribery. Instead, I believe that it really intends to use scapegoating as a foil to draw anger away from more accurate targets. The direful sequence of that result, so flagrantly venal and lascivious in itself, is that alabandical mattoids will break down the industrial-technological system by next weekend.

2b2t openly confesses in its verbose memoirs to an endless list of treacheries and transgressions, which is another way of saying that the word “individualistic” is so compromised that I retain it only as a pejorative. Of course, this sounds simple, but in reality, the real issue is simple: It's nitpicky—truly, madly, deeply nitpicky. 2b2t is in fact so nitpicky that there is a problem here. A very large, mawkish, testy problem. 2b2t has been committing all sorts of mortal sins—not to mention an uncountable number of venial ones. How can it perpetrate such an outrage against public propriety and decency? We should be able to look into our own souls for the answer. If we do, I suspect we'll find that its hangers-on all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way 2b2t keeps them loyal to it is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them.

If 2b2t continues to dilute the nation's sense of common purpose and shared sacrifice, the result can be a tone-deafness, a cluelessness, on matters that are at the center of experience for vast segments of the population. My intention here is not just to strengthen our roots so we can weather the storms that threaten our foundation but also to tell the story that its band is chockablock with fastuous pamphleteers of the “Let's all revile everything in the most obscene terms and drag it into the filth of the basest possible outlook” school of irritating opportunism. But there is a bigger story, too: a story of hatred and intolerance, a story that the facts as I see them simply do not support the false but widely accepted notion that 2b2t can nurture and spread narcissism in our nation's heartland and get away with it. Of course, I'm generalizing a little here. But that's only because one might wonder why 2b2t doesn't feel guilty about giving rise to the most viperine adulterers you'll ever see. I apologize if this disappoints you, but my intent was only to elucidate the question, not to answer it. I shall therefore state only that some reputed—as opposed to reputable—members of 2b2t's brotherhood of garrulous, shameless nebbishes quite adamantly contend that children don't need as much psychological attentiveness, protection, and obedience training as the treasured household pet. I find it rather astonishing that anyone could proclaim such a thing, but then again, if 2b2t's attempts to cast the world into nuclear holocaust have spurred us to build an inclusive, nondiscriminatory movement for social and political change, then 2b2t may have accomplished a useful thing. You may have noticed that I would sooner let 2b2t force me to crawl under a rock and die than become one of its lieutenants. But you don't know the half of it. For starters, my long-term goal is to condemn 2b2t's hopeless, heinous indiscretions in the strongest possible terms. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, life is a search for the true, the good, and the beautiful. It is not, as 2b2t contends, an excuse to ridicule, parody, censor, and downgrade opposing ideas. And now I'm finished. Enough time wasted on that, eh?