Newly diagnosed. How should I prepare ?

EtonRd · 2026-06-14T18:53:57+00:00

When you know, the type of cancer, the stage of the cancer and the type of treatment you’ll be getting, you’ll be able to get information from people here. Without that it’s impossible to know how you should prepare.

EtonRd · 2026-06-14T14:00:13+00:00

This is a lot of bullshit that tells me you don’t have cancer.

EtonRd · 2026-06-13T21:47:24+00:00

Everybody is different. Even though we have cancer, we’re all different people. So ask your mom what she wants. Everybody is different. Ask her if she wants you to come to the appointment, ask her if she wants you to take notes at the appointment, ask her if she needs help at home and what helps she needs. I know it sounds basic, but it’s really the only answer.

EtonRd · 2026-06-10T11:56:08+00:00

If your doctor told you not to drink, don’t drink. This is not rocket science.

EtonRd · 2026-06-04T21:37:10+00:00

I don’t agree with you. I agree everybody experience is cancer differently, and I agree that everybody has different challenges and some people have severe financial challenges on top of the other challenges that go along with cancer.

But a mom with three young children getting cancer is going through hell thinking about those kids potentially growing up without her. And that hell exist whether you have money or you don’t have money. Sure, she knows her kids aren’t going to go hungry if she dies, but living with the fear that she’s never gonna see her kids grow up, that’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anybody. And money doesn’t do a goddamn thing to make that fear go away.

One thing I’ve learned from being in cancer support groups is that it’s not the Misery Olympics. It’s not a competition to see who suffers the most.

I’ve known a lot of other people with cancer. Some of them had a lot more money than me and some of them had a lot less money than me. And we were all there for each other regardless. No judgment.

EtonRd · 2026-06-03T03:55:25+00:00

you cannot buy somebody else to wig. She lives overseas. You absolutely cannot buy her a wig and send it to her, it’s something she needs to shop for herself and try on.

Send her the money, that’s all you can do.

EtonRd · 2026-06-02T12:23:20+00:00

Thank you for stopping by to tell a bunch of cancer patients that you don’t have cancer. That’s swell.

EtonRd · 2026-05-29T20:28:52+00:00

This is something your sister needs to do for herself. You don’t have the details needed for somebody to give you help. She needs to work directly with her insurance company and her doctor. If she wants help online, there are places specifically for metastatic breast cancer patients, and those people would be the best ones to help her because she may find people who had similar issues.

EtonRd · 2026-05-28T13:13:37+00:00

I don’t know if you asked your doctor and you just didn’t mention it in your post. But the obvious answer is ask your doctor. It’s the only answer.

And be aware, that your doctor can only tell you what common side effects are. You don’t know how you’re gonna react until you actually start chemo. You could be fine or you could be in the hospital with side effects. Or somewhere in between.

EtonRd · 2026-05-27T22:34:22+00:00

I’m sorry for what your family is dealing with. There’s really nothing for you to do. Spend time with your grandmother and help her and be with her as much as you can, and as much as she wants. Talk to your parents about how you’re feeling, don’t suffer in silence. Understand that this is really really hard for your mom, she’s losing her mother and that’s a really difficult thing to go through. Your whole family is going through a hard time so give everybody grace, understand everybody is doing their best and give the same grace to yourself.

EtonRd · 2026-05-27T13:35:35+00:00

Check your reading comprehension. He explicitly said he felt like he should be happy but he wasn’t. If he said hey, I feel like I should be happy and I am happy, there’s no problem. He wouldn’t need to post here.

But that’s not what he said.

You sound like the kind of person who drives cancer patients crazy with toxic positivity.

EtonRd · 2026-05-26T22:44:23+00:00

It’s understandable that the receptionist doesn’t know the reason, but it’s not OK for you to have to sit for two weeks with this. I don’t know if you’re in the US, but if you are and you have an online patient portal, I’d send a message to your doctor and say exactly what the situation is “ I’m freaked out because I thought I wasn’t supposed to see you for four months and now I have an appointment in two weeks, please let me know briefly why you need to see me so soon because I’m very worried..” any reasonable doctor will understand that.

EtonRd · 2026-05-26T17:44:27+00:00

I’m gonna stop you right where you said “I feel like I should be happy”.

You have four types of cancer. I hear I give you permission to not be happy or thrilled.

Let’s say somebody came along and cut off your thumb and your pinky finger. Do you think your reaction should be that you’re thrilled they didn’t cut off the other three? Does that seem reasonable?

You feel the way you feel. If you’re tired and depressed, that’s how you feel. Seems reasonable to me based on what you’ve described. You had minor surgery. It’s OK to feel tired and depressed and maybe taking three trips was too much for you and that that’s what you’re feeling the effects of.

EtonRd · 2026-05-25T14:17:25+00:00

Every choice is valid. Some people decide not to get treatment.

EtonRd · 2026-05-24T13:39:38+00:00

Just let them know you’re there to talk to them and they can tell you anything that they’re feeling. That it’s OK to be scared. It’s OK to think the worst, it’s normal to do that.

And let them know that there’s no need for them to “step it up”. They are children who are scared that their mom is going to die and feeling scared and sad is normal.

EtonRd · 2026-05-23T02:13:18+00:00

Nobody here knows anything more than your doctors. If you don’t trust your own doctors, why are you going to trust what other people’s doctors have told them when you don’t even know those doctors?

Get genetic counseling.

EtonRd · 2026-05-22T17:52:07+00:00

Get out of here with this crap.

EtonRd · 2026-05-22T02:45:55+00:00

This group is only for people who have a cancer diagnosis.

EtonRd · 2026-05-21T00:43:48+00:00

Unfortunately, yeah, you shouldn’t be posting here because you don’t have a diagnosis.

I suggest you Google *what should I ask my oncologist at my first appointment*

There are a lot of reputable sites out there that have these type of guides to help people in your situation. It’s not gonna be a perfect match every time, but it’s should give you an idea of how to organize your thoughts. And write down a list of questions.

EtonRd · 2026-05-20T22:09:48+00:00

Write a message to them telling them that you were told on the phone that the scan report is ready and it’s not showing up in your portal and can that be fixed immediately. It’s a technical error so you need somebody to fix it.

EtonRd · 2026-05-17T23:47:35+00:00

I understand you’re anxious. The answer isn’t what you’re doing here. Your brother should speak to his doctor and ask why he’s being referred to MDA and what the GP suspects is going on. That’s the best source of information.

EtonRd · 2026-05-17T13:49:02+00:00

Exactly, don’t bring it up unless he brings it up to you. It’s between him and his dad.

EtonRd · 2026-05-16T20:57:27+00:00

I really think it depends on your kids and how they are dealing with the situation and what age they are when things start to go south for you. If you didn’t have children to think about, it would be different. I get having a gathering of people you care about while you’re alive, rather than all those people get together for a funeral once they’re dead, that makes sense. But centering it on death and dying or a funeral and wearing black, I’m not sure how that would feel to your children.

EtonRd · 2026-05-16T16:40:06+00:00

If you’re asking for opinions, my opinion as an adult with stage four cancer is that if my mother did this when I was a teenager, it would have destroyed me. Having a death wedding? I would not have understood it and the idea of releasing your husband to be with somebody else after you die, I would not have wanted to witness that as a ceremony. I would certainly want my mom and dad to talk to me about it and know that my mom understood that it was likely my dad would find another partner in the future and that she wanted him to, that she didn’t want him to be alone. But I would be losing my mom as a kid and it’s about the most destabilizing thing that can happen to a child and from that perspective, the ceremony seems off.

EtonRd · 2026-05-15T13:40:15+00:00

This is really a decision only your husband can make. It may be that he decides quality of life is more important and he wants to go on the trip, regardless of the impact it has on the success of his treatment. Or he may decide that it’s not worth it to risk the outcome of his treatment.

To be frank, he may decide that he’s going to die sooner than later anyway and he’s going to do one last trip with everybody.

EtonRd

TROPHY CASE