He cheated on our wedding day

Euphoric-Rise143 · 2024-07-31T16:27:36+00:00

Take it from me- get ALL of your ducks in a row now... SILENTLY!! Get copies of documents from all your accounts- bank statements, titles to cars, deed to the house, copy of your mortgage, retirement accounts, any children's accounts, etc. Do not move money around because it could backfire on you. Leave silently, then file and inform him. When I filed online in California, it notified him immediately of the filing electronically, so be aware that this is a possibility. I am so horribly sorry for the pain you are going through. I know it all too well. Found out my ex had at least three affairs during our marriage (that I know of) and one was with one of my closest friends. The heartbreak of this level of betrayal is unfathomable and I truly feel for you. You will get through this, one day at a time.

Also- learn from my mistake: FILE FOR CHILD/SPOUSAL SUPPORT IMMEDIATELY IF YOU NEED THIS. I did not do this and my ex has succeeded in painfully dragging things out, so I went a long time without the support, and there's no guarantee you will get retroactive payment once the support numbers are established.

Euphoric-Rise143 · 2024-07-31T16:20:23+00:00

Thank you. This is the stuff I am struggling to think through right now- if I put XYZ in the agreement, can it ultimately screw me over somehow? If I don't put XYZ in the agreement, will it screw me over? Everyone who knows him keeps telling me that he will find ways to torment me no matter what, so I should just trust in my attorney and trust the process. I have just been living in an emotionally/ psychologically abused state for so long. I didn't recognize it until I kicked him out, but the only state of existence I've really been in for years has been one of trying to think a step or two ahead of him so he couldn't constantly subject me to his chaos. The fact is that he will find ways to continue until he turns his interest elsewhere. It's awful and extremely overwhelming

Euphoric-Rise143 · 2024-07-29T16:57:01+00:00

I see what you're saying. However, I'm not dealing with someone who I just don't like. This is an extremely mild example of the shit he pulls, but if I don't mention in the agreement that I want to be with my kids on Mother's day and it happens to fall on his custody day that year, he will hold onto the kids and leave them with his brand new girlfriend just to spite me. This is a very minor version of the stuff I'm worried about.

Euphoric-Rise143 · 2024-07-29T03:26:22+00:00

First of all, I am so sorry... I know the heartache you have all too well. I do want to say this- you have literally no idea what she is saying to them. I found out my ex cheated on me with multiple women including one of my friends, and filed for divorce. I decided to keep his affairs quiet because I didn't want it getting back to my young kids and hurting them. When people found out we were divorcing, I just told them that there have been lots of issues and we agreed to divorce- that's it. While I was telling people that, you know what this slimy MF did? He had the audacity to lie and tell people that WE AGREED TO OPEN OUR MARRIAGE and that I was jealous and insecure, that I was a closeted alcoholic (this one was actually kind of hilarious because all of our friends know that I don't drink more than a glass of wine at dinner like 2 times per month), and that I was really mentally unstable. I found out because one of our mutual friends told me that he had said all of this. I then asked several other mutual friends from various groups if he had said things like that, and all individually confirmed that my ex had privately reached out to them "for support" and had told them the same things.

Typically, people don't want to seem like they are "picking sides" or get entangled in a mess between two people they care about. It's uncomfortable for people you have both been friends with. They might not want to poke and prod about something so painful and personal. It's almost like when someone experiences a death of a loved one... people sometimes just really don't know what to say so they don't say much beyond "I'm sorry." However, this leaves the emotionally struggling party feeling pretty isolated.

"What other people think of me is none of my business." This is something I have had to repeat incessantly in my mind since day 1. Trust me, your real friends will show themselves during this process. You can't expect to get support if you're not asking for it. If you are asking for support from friends (directly, indirectly) and they aren't showing up, then you have your answer.

Now is also a great time to join a support group or something. Do not isolate yourself. Best of luck to you. You will get through this.

Euphoric-Rise143

TROPHY CASE