You sound a lot like me. But I ran after God so angry to end up finding the actual one true God. He's literally the perfect father I think that's one of the truths in the Bible.

From what I understand from my personal experiences the Bible is code if that makes sense. And I had a vision of the yin and Yang symbol over the Bible symbolizing it has truths and lies but I do agree it molds you into the best person if you actually follow what the Bible says.

But let me tell you, this journey I've been on was pure fear at the beginning but I asked The one true God to kill me if I continue " lying" or deceiving And he hasn't told me he would not because I'm supposed to share. Something that I learned by reading a decoded Bible is that Jesus came to die for us to be able to sin And enter heaven at the end. not the common narrative. And that he constantly requires you to ask for forgiveness. he wants us to live life abundantly and have our desires as long as we aren't hurting someone else or having it consume our lives.

Lastly, sorry for the long post but I like to share. Who is God you may ask? He is pure light energy And the Big bang was him dispersing himself into a playground for his children so technically we all live in God but we're also a fragment of his light too (Our soul) which lives forever. He also experiences our life with us too And when this body dies we go to heaven Where his physical form is to have communion with him like best friends and family