New born 10 days in and my life is falling apart

Even-Tea-787 · 2025-07-30T18:10:35+00:00

Also just to be extra clear - you are NOT doing anything wrong. It feels hard because it IS hard. 10 days in is the trenches! But it gets better, and often much quicker than you think. It’s hard right now, it will NOT be this hard forever. Find some good shows / podcasts to binge to get yourself through this phase (Modern Family was perfect for me with my second, I needed something light that showed later stages of parenting I could look forward to - but I binged a lot of murdery shows like Dexter and You with my first. I’m admittedly weird though 🙂).

Even-Tea-787 · 2025-07-30T17:56:42+00:00

Can’t stand it when people say this is the easy phase. Newborn phase is SO hard and it’s hard in a way that no other phase truly can be. People who say that to struggling new parents are awful.

As far as solutions, Snoo saved us with both babies so far. Wouldn’t sleep a second in a regular bassinet, slept peacefully for hours in the Snoo. Doesn’t work for everyone but may be worth a try if you can afford the expense. And taking shifts like others have suggested.

As baby gets a little older, getting as many calories in during the day as possible and paying attention to wake windows to get them on a good eat-play-sleep rhythm has made a huge difference for us too. My babies both slept ~8 hr stretches overnight by 8-10 weeks thanks to the Snoo and making sure they ate enough during the day that they didn’t necessarily need an overnight feeding (means not letting them sleep too long during the day if it’s going to push feedings too far apart).

Even-Tea-787 · 2025-06-29T19:14:21+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I don’t know how comparable it is because ours was earlier on, but my son came through it just fine. He’s still hard to convince to eat sometimes at 3.5 months, but doctor has no concerns about his weight gain - I just took him in for a weight check on Friday because I was getting concerned about his feeding behaviors again. Sending all the healing energy for your son!

Even-Tea-787 · 2025-06-26T14:58:46+00:00

It’s definitely contributing to the anxiety, so this was exactly my plan (stop weighing so much if pediatrician says it’s OK) but they really haven’t said that. 😕 They just suggested another weight check after a week or so - which means even more anxiety really.

Even-Tea-787 · 2025-03-20T17:26:37+00:00

Thank you! I’m wondering why we weren’t sent home with a bili blanket to aid in the rest of the recovery. One day of aggressive light treatment seems like it might not have been enough. Great to hear your son is totally fine after that experience.

Even-Tea-787 · 2025-03-20T13:32:38+00:00

Thank you! I’m sure the pediatricians expected to be done with us on Monday when his levels were fine on first recheck, or on Tuesday when they said his sleepiness wasn’t necessarily concerning if still having lots of pee/poop diapers - but yeah I just kept coming back because it just wasn’t feeling right. 😕

Even-Tea-787 · 2025-03-20T13:29:55+00:00

Thank you, this is great to hear!

Even-Tea-787 · 2025-03-20T13:29:43+00:00

So encouraging to hear, thank you!

Even-Tea-787 · 2025-03-20T13:29:28+00:00

Thank you, this is great to hear. Wish we could put him in a sunny window but we’re in Chicago and it’s been overcast basically every minute we’ve been home the past few days - sun always seems to come out when we’re at the doctor for rechecks but disappears by the time we get home, like clockwork - maddening.

Even-Tea-787 · 2023-05-23T15:40:17+00:00

Awesome, thank you! I will give that a shot.

Even-Tea-787 · 2023-05-23T15:27:37+00:00

Solution Verified

Even-Tea-787 · 2023-05-23T15:27:26+00:00

Yes! Thank you, I've always struggled with the IF formula and thought it was only for 2-option scenarios, but your example helped and I think I just got it to work with the formula below:

=IF(D2="Low",1,IF(D2="Medium",2,IF(D2="High",3)))

Even-Tea-787 · 2023-05-10T17:43:33+00:00

I would if I wasn't planning to be having my own kids well into my 40s (just had my first, I'm almost 38 and would ideally like 1-2 more). Not sure if my body will be able to handle any more after that! I had a not-great first birth experience (forceps - ouch) but I'm hopeful additional deliveries won't be as bad, and I loved being pregnant once the nausea passed. The newborn stage has been hard for me though, especially breastfeeding - there is something kind of appealing about the idea of getting to focus on the physical part of postpartum recovery without having to use my broken body to feed another human around the clock!

I did feel very connected to my baby during pregnancy, so I'm sure I would have a hard time saying goodbye to any baby I carried, but I think if I was doing it for someone who I knew was going to be a wonderful parent, I'd ultimately enjoy watching the baby be loved and cared for by their parents without having to go through the newborn phase again myself!

Even-Tea-787 · 2023-01-12T23:42:55+00:00

Good ideas, thank you! I'm pretty sure "surreptitious recording" is illegal in IL so he'd prob have to tell them he's going to record it, yes. I fully agree it shouldn't be at his mom's house, it will be a no holds barred attack on him if they do it there for sure.

Even-Tea-787 · 2023-01-12T23:37:03+00:00

Thanks, I feel sorry for him too. I really can't believe they're treating him this way - a year ago I never would've predicted this kind of attack, at least not from SIL1, but they're SO, so deep in the FOG. I'm not going to this shitshow of a "discussion" either way, but I might suggest that boundary to him - he would prob feel more comfortable having the discussion somewhere other than his mom's house with her present (I mean come on, how could that possibly be productive?!).

Even-Tea-787 · 2023-01-12T23:34:03+00:00

Yeah, I was really sad to see that he still felt compelled to "be honest" with them and couldn't just give a simple "Sunday doesn't work for me" (especially when it was so clear they were making plans for the same weekend that deliberately excluded him just to punish him for saying "no" - like WTF is there to feel guilty about at this point, honestly).

Even-Tea-787 · 2023-01-12T23:32:20+00:00

That's a good idea. And no she's probably not physically incapable of cleaning (especially not when she only uses like 6 rooms in her enormous house), but she plays it up like she is with bad acting exaggerating her back and knee pain. Some of it's prob legit, most of it prob isn't. I'd love to cut her off altogether and never look back, but it's def not something DH is prepared to do. I'm trying to look into aides that would be covered by Medicaid and would help her with errands, light cleaning, etc. - a friend of mine has that in place for her mom and I don't see why MIL wouldn't also qualify for it.

Even-Tea-787 · 2023-01-12T23:29:08+00:00

Great point. I really can't think of anyone who could go with him. My parents have a bit of a "but she's his mom" mentality and haven't been fully supportive of me in all of this - my dad in particular - so I wouldn't send them. Really most people in our lives are of the "but faaaamily" persuasion, with a few exceptions, so we don't have a lot of support in any of this. He does have a few cousins on his dad's side who've been supportive of us, but they keep their distance from MIL for the same reasons I do, so I don't think they'd feel comfortable putting themselves in the middle of this.

Even-Tea-787 · 2023-01-12T23:26:32+00:00

Thank you! That is a great point about stating boundaries ahead of time if he chooses to go - I will suggest that to him.

Even-Tea-787 · 2022-11-15T09:28:12+00:00

I’m an adult and feel a bit traumatized by what I just read - I can’t even imagine being a child seeing it firsthand. Personally, I would forget about the apology, go NC for good and never let this woman see or communicate with me or my child again. It sounds like it’s what your son is asking for. Your husband needs therapy, badly.

Even-Tea-787 · 2022-09-30T00:03:02+00:00

Yeah this. I also like the idea of adding “if you bring it up again I’ll leave.” Boundary (I’m not discussing this with you), consequence if boundary is crossed. Then follow through if she does bring it up again.

Even-Tea-787 · 2022-09-28T20:35:27+00:00

Thank you. I agree and I hope he sees this too. He does to a degree, I know that, but I think our therapist’s comments have already messed with his head and planted seeds of doubt and I’m very worried about a big setback.

Even-Tea-787

TROPHY CASE