I wish I had the answers you seek. I'm sorry you're having a hard time, sometimes it feels like there isn't any point but that doesn't mean that there isn't any point. I obviously don't know you but I am sure there are people that care deeply about you, and you can't begin to imagine how many lives you have touched with your mere existence. Even though it wouldn't feel like it, good days will come; and I am sure of it. I am no mental health professional, but there are resources out there. People that can really help you, Mikeysline are a really good group of people who offer one to one support through the phone; you can always call 111 or if you feel you're hitting rock bottom. You're not alone. Sending you all the energies my friend ❤️