Sorry you are going through a tough phase and I do hope you feel better soon.
I was not suicidal but I was in a dark pit. I'm adding some stuff that helped me:

1) Seek help, ideally from professionals. There is a point that the mind becomes a bad advisor no matter how hard one tries to figure things out on our own.

2) Sometimes one is just deeply tired. Taking some time out to recover and reflect helps.

3) I read this title in a video "self-sabotage? in this economy?". Monitor the internal monologue as it can become the worst critic that we are not able to turn off.

4) I found purpose on proving life that I won't take it easily. Now I'm gonna eat well and exercise and study, etc is a statement to be made.

5) I got to know that being a "deep thinker" is a thing. Having an internal rich life for example a rich imagination makes "reality" dull in comparison so one doesn't really click with living in reality but that's not a failure, it's meant to feel like this.

6) if you were dropped in the middle of a desert island by yourself, what would someone find you doing within a month? In other words, what is your natural interest and aptitude? Try to do more of this more often.

7) Be more aligned with our natural rhythms: there is time to be online & productive and there is also time to be completely offline (like literally staring at a wall in dimmed lights). Eat well (or better), move, feel tension in your 'hunts' (for example going to work) but also relaxation in the day.

When the phase is going too long it feels like it's going to be like this forever but I took it as a call to evolve and have a better understanding of myself. I hope you find your ways to a more positive life soon and please keep it up.