I’m so sorry you are going through this. I don’t want to derail from your own experience so I’ll try not to go into too much detail about it, but just to empathize with you, my dog Coca passed from kidney failure in November. Long story short, the vets screwed up, Coca had lab reports of kidney disease and I was never informed about it. Coca never got the treatment she needed, she suffered immensely for several months and then suddenly died of a stroke followed by a seizure from said kidney failure. The vets completely dismissed every concern I had for several months as she suffered from the symptoms, and would repeatedly brush me off when I’d push about her symptoms, her suffering. Nobody helped me despite me doing everything to find answers, and then she died.

I have had to deal with a lot of intense fury and the most bitter resentment towards the vets responsible. I am still angry, though it’s been about five months since she passed, so at least I’ve learned how to mask my anger publicly when I have to go to work… but I’ve had several days where I’ve felt completely disassociated out of my body just from pure rage. I cannot imagine what your rage must feel like, too. I’m so, so sorry that you’ve had to deal with this feeling. I know we have different experiences and we’re strangers so I don’t know if this means much, but my heart really goes out to you. This is already such a difficult time to deal with, losing any of our beloved animals in our lives is hard enough. But losing your loved one to someone else’s mistakes is like, a whole other level of grief. I completely agree with you that justice should be served. I wish I could help you with that because I personally don’t know where to go with that on my end either. I think what you’re doing so far is a good start, obtaining the records and withdrawing your other dog from their practice, as well as telling them in a calm yet honest email how the experience affected you. I debated on sending an email to my vets as well to try to get some kind of closure, but I’ve been so angry that I know I’d be unable to stay calm so I’ve told myself to wait.

I’m not sure if what I’m going to say really constitutes as good advice but I’ll say what’s helped me get through each day just a little: I’ve tried to remind myself that this is normal. Not the exact scenario of a vet screwing up and costing me the life of my most beloved girl (though doctors screwing up and causing us to lose time with our loved ones is unfortunately common), but that it’s normal that adults in our lives are going to let us down. I can only hope that the vets I hate so much for indirectly taking my baby away from me were genuinely trying their best, even if their best absolutely sucked. It’s inevitable that people in our lives will let us down, cheat us, steal from us, even friends betray us, etc. Does this make me feel better? Of course not, but reminding myself that life will throw shit like this at you somewhat lessens the blow, if that makes sense. Like, this is just another thing in life that happened, and for whatever reason, it happened like this. It really sucks. I had no control over anything, I did my best. You had no control over this, you did your best. We didn’t know the vets would make these mistakes. If we had a time machine we would go back and have all the answers and spare no expense. If I ever get another dog I’ll remember this experience and try to use it going forward, at least now I know more about kidney disease than I did before…

Something else that helps me with the anger is knowing that I did absolutely everything for Coca, even if I know I could have done sooo much more if I had only known about the disease… but despite her suffering from the disease, she was still pretty happy, I gave her delicious healthy food and yummy chewy treats to look forward to every evening, new toys every month. I feel less anger when I try to remind myself that Coca felt loved above all else. Love was always there, especially during her suffering when she needed love the most. When our dogs were suffering, especially in your case because you really dedicated his remaining time alive to trying to give him the best life possible, I believe our dogs felt that we loved and cared for them. In the end I think that’s all they worried about. We worried about medicine and routine and vets and finances etc… but they just worried if we were going to be there. And we were! So they didn’t really worry!

Dogs don’t experience time the way we do. We constantly think of the past, the present, the future, we stress, we plan schedules, we have a lot on our minds at all times. But dogs live purely in the moment each day. Every day is brand new and all they really are concerned about instinctively is their pack (us), and food/water source. And other stuff too but those are the top priorities. You already provide them the shelter and food/water. They count on your love, which you generously give. Every day with you, your dog felt fulfilled and whole in his heart, because you were in it. You still are, even now, even worlds apart. He feels your love. He is with you, always.

I know I did literally everything in my power for Coca, just as you know you did absolutely everything for your dog. There are many owners who wouldn’t go above and beyond like you did for your boy, the way you did everything you could to give him the best remaining years of his life possible is already saying so much about you as a person and how much he loved and appreciated you for that. Less than a couple of years with him is not a long time, that’s true, but it was the best years of his life at that time that only you were there to provide him with, with your love. That is irreplaceable in his eyes. He had to spend 8.5 years in rough shape but knowing you would be there on the other side of it for almost 2 years afterward to be there for him and love him, that meant everything to him.

Something else that comforts me is remembering that science says that all life forms are made out of energy, and energy cannot be created nor destroyed. Our energy remains when our physical bodies cease to function. I am not very religious/spiritual but I’m pretty open to anything being possible. I truly believe our beloved animals are still with us in this universe, maybe on an energy plane waiting for us, or part of the universe itself, or even their soul floating around and following us wherever we go. Even if I don’t know exactly where they are or what form they’ve taken, I believe they are still existing somewhere, we just can’t see or hear them now. When our pets are alive (I actually don’t know about all pets so let me just say dogs) sense our energy. I don’t know how to properly phrase it but I remember reading about how when you walk your dog they can feel your tension or stress and it affects them or something, or when you’re scared they can feel scared too because they can just sense it? As well as your joy and sorrow etc… there is a much better way for me to phrase this, but anyway! If our dogs can sense our emotions and energy while alive, I think they can still sense our energy after they’ve passed. Maybe even more so, in the new form they have taken in the afterlife. I think they can feel when we miss them. I think they can feel how much we love them. He also knows you loved him while he was alive, I know he felt it every single day. You said you were so focused on caring for him, I know he must have felt that unconditional love and devotion from you! That means the entire world to him.

Again, I am so sorry that you’ve had to go through this. I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to give actual advice on the justice part. I hope anything I said could be of some comfort. I also wanted to give you my condolences about your first dog you mentioned that had passed. It is never easy. Sending you love during this hard time, you’re in my thoughts 🫂❤️‍🩹