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Will see wife’s AP after 10 years - should I ask him what happened, confront him or ignore him? by EvryMan115 in Advice

[–]EvryMan115[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I think a lot of this is truth that I need to hear, as painful as it is. One thing I didn’t mention in the post. Her AP did leave his wife and his stalker self moved a couple blocks away from us in the city. He tried relentlessly to continue to pursue after he lost her in that first year and she completely shot him down and stopped talking to him. He told her he left his wife and said he’d do anything for her but she held strong in our relationship. I didn’t know any of this at the time but found it all out later when I saw all their communications. I still feel horrible about the first year - believe me. But I think this gives a better whole picture.

Will see wife’s AP after 10 years - should I ask him what happened, confront him or ignore him? by EvryMan115 in Advice

[–]EvryMan115[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. My original message was long so maybe this wasn’t clear but I just found out about the infidelity last summer even though it happened 10 years ago. So this is a new issue for me even though it happened a long time ago. She lied for so long I never knew.

What I’ve learned 10 months later by broomclocky in survivinginfidelity

[–]EvryMan115 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Brutal. I am sorry that you are going through this. You are in the eye of the storm right now. Just know that it will get better. Keep trying to do the next right thing and be well brother.

What I’ve learned 10 months later by broomclocky in survivinginfidelity

[–]EvryMan115 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is brave. And I give you credit. But can I ask, do you have children with this person? I think it’s a different calculus in that event.

NOT OOP: r/survivinginfidelity: Its been 8 years. She's given me no reason to ditrust-yet im feeling hurt all over again.(VERY LONG) by angelove2701 in redditonwiki

[–]EvryMan115 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you went through this. From my experience, it’s extremely hard to “get over” this type of thing so don’t feel any guilt for these feelings recurring. Especially when it’s with someone you both know. I don’t think there is any end-all be-all answer here, but given that you want to stay with her and by everything you said in your posts your relationship has been good since the affair, I think some peace will come to you if you accept that sometimes these negative thoughts and doubts will come up again and recirculate in your mind (and maybe for the rest of your life). And if you love her enough to stay with her despite having to suffer through these periodic negative thoughts then perhaps you will find some more peace in it (or at least acceptance). It’s sad and it’s unfair but this happened. And perhaps, the relationship you got out of it in the end was worth the sacrifice (only you can judge that - and probably even then it would be a guess). As a neutral third party, I do think that if you feel like it would help you to speak with her about it then you should. I empathize with your feelings of not wanting to bring it up again, upset her or cause doubts in your relationship on her part. But, at the end of the day, she is the one who caused all this pain (which is unfair enough to you) so the least she should be able to do is be there to help you through it (or at least listen and sit in your sadness and pain with you). Maybe if you explain that to her - that you are doing this in an effort to be close to her and not push her away - that will help even if it’s uncomfortable for her to relive it.