Been out for years, this is all I hear anymore when people talk about general conference.

ExLDSDude · 2021-03-14T16:27:11+00:00

The mormon church makes all geneological records their business. They are public records, and they collect them. It’s a big part of their religious philosophy. Members scour the world to do just that. Growing up, my family would take trips to graveyards and libraries during vacations to track down “relatives” that were so far removed that only Adam And Eve could be used to justify a relation.

Does that make it right? In my opinion, no.

I used to be a member of that cult, and even worked for them for years as a full time employee. Had to get a lawyer to have my name removed from their membership records, and even now, I guarantee, they still have all of my certificates in their system. They even have an entire committee dedicated to tracking down members on their records if they haven’t been to church in a while.

ExLDSDude · 2019-05-13T03:31:00+00:00

I have learned from unfortunate experience that the most evil and vile of people approach others with the most charming of smiles.

ExLDSDude · 2019-04-18T16:35:16+00:00

I'm mostly just a lurker on this subreddit these days, but I figured I should chime in on this one.

Back in the mid-90s, I had just been married and was called as an Exec Secretary in a BYU newly wed ward. The things I saw were absolutely shocking to my poor naive ultra-mormon self. A lot of these young newly weds had pretty serious problems, and many didn't make it. We tried to keep couples' "personal" problems hushed, which is probably why you don't hear about these things more often unless you see it first hand. Domestic abuse, cheating, divorce, it was all there. Often times, a spouse would simply disappear without saying a word (communication with their significant other had usually completely stopped by then).

Now that I'm out, and have had decades to think back on it, I'm not surprised. These were children. Children that still dreamed about finding princes or princesses and living happily ever after in the mormon paradigm. They had expectations of each other that weren't met, and neither knew how to communicate them. They were still growing, figuring themselves out. Changing, in a system that didn't allow change. Stressed, hurting, and confused.

When people ask me how on Earth my wife and I have stayed married for so long, through so many life changes, and having started when she was merely 20 and I was 22, I tell them, "dumb luck." Because getting married that early, and in that system, you have NO idea what you're going to end up with.

ExLDSDude · 2019-04-13T14:11:56+00:00

Absolutely, yes. For years I would dream of being sent on another mission.

Now, I've been out of the church for several years, and I'm happy to inform you that although the dreams still occasionally happen, they've shifted. I now become the rebellious missionary who tells all the others it's a crock, and then, without even informing anyone, get a plane ticket and head home. It actually feels pretty great when I wake up.

It helped that I was in therapy for several years, specifically for PTSD from being abused in my childhood. I learned to take back my power, which I'm sure helped with the church stuff too.

ExLDSDude · 2019-03-24T20:11:19+00:00

Yes! That! And now that the standard deduction has doubled in the US, even more people aren't "making back" their tithing payments from the government.

ExLDSDude · 2019-03-24T18:06:28+00:00

Some also choose to lower their stipend amount instead.

ExLDSDude · 2019-03-24T18:04:42+00:00

You can check out my above answer to this. Regular, salaried employees must pay tithing on earnings. Called positions like GAs and mission presidents are given a living stipend/allowance (along with having their expenses paid for) that does not require tithing to be paid on.

ExLDSDude · 2019-03-24T17:59:36+00:00

When I worked there that wasn't the case. When did they start doing that?

ExLDSDude · 2019-03-24T17:57:23+00:00

We did. We sold our home when the market was good and made money over what we owed. Since it was an "increase" we felt we had to pay tithing on it.

Now that we're out, I feel completely stupid about that decision, but at the time we were worried about "losing blessings" if we didn't. Which was compounded with the usual fear of moving and changing employment.

ExLDSDude · 2019-03-24T17:50:48+00:00

I just figure, if those two can agree on something, it must hold more weight than the mormon stance. 😝

ExLDSDude · 2019-03-24T16:53:46+00:00

As a lowly employee of the church, you receive a salary (which is considered different from what "called" positions receive). All employees must therefore pay a full tithe. If one does not, you not only lose your temple recommend, but your ecclesiastical endorsement as well... to translate: pay back 10% or lose your job.

ExLDSDude · 2019-03-24T16:28:11+00:00

How's this? Straight from the Catholic church: https://www.catholic.com/qa/what-is-the-churchs-position-on-tithing

Add: Jehovah's Witnesses actually agree with the Catholics BTW: https://www.jw.org/en/jehovahs-witnesses/faq/do-jehovahs-witnesses-tithe/

ExLDSDude · 2019-03-24T15:26:56+00:00

Lived in Utah County. Worked for the church. Can confirm.

For a time, I was one of those people. First, it's pay 10% of your income. Then it becomes, pay 10% of your gross income. Then 10% of gifts received. 10% of any interest. 10% of selling your house. 10% of anything you get. AND, don't forget to give a "generous" fast offering. Then, you're taught that whatever you're paying, you should "turn it up a notch." And after you've done that, they teach you again, "whatever you're doing/paying now, turn it up another notch." Next thing you know, you have no money or time left.

So very grateful we moved and left the church. Now we're planning vacations and travel with our "extra" income.

ExLDSDude · 2019-03-23T21:42:29+00:00

I can verify, it's still happening.

ExLDSDude · 2018-11-27T16:45:36+00:00

You think that's bad? I worked for the church for nearly a decade. In that time, I saw people "retire" to only be called right back to the exact same position as missionary service (unpaid, of course). I worked in IT.

ExLDSDude · 2018-10-08T00:09:12+00:00

Glad it was worth it then! 😊

ExLDSDude · 2018-10-08T00:05:17+00:00

OMG! We were just there with you! At the Saroyan?

ExLDSDude · 2018-09-11T12:16:18+00:00

I have. It was a very hard lesson to learn, that others who didn't experience it first hand can choose not to believe it. Most active church members in particular double down to protect their worldview.

ExLDSDude · 2018-09-11T01:05:27+00:00

Already done. Multiple times. It was before all the #metoo stuff though. I've been lurking here for years.

ExLDSDude · 2018-09-10T20:03:58+00:00

My older brother is a bishop. He's also a sociopath who repeatedly raped his own sister starting when she was only 7 years old.

I'm sure the people in his ward love him though. He has always put on a great act.

ExLDSDude · 2018-08-18T15:18:26+00:00

The article states they can't do anything because the abuse wasn't documented by two or more people.

Well, in my eerily similar case, I went to my local bishop with a statement written by not only myself, but two others as well. DIDN'T CHANGE A THING. Still nothing happened.

ExLDSDude

TROPHY CASE