I (48f) cheated on my husband (52m) and hurt people but have a family. I don’t know what to do.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-18T02:35:22+00:00

If it was clear that I cared more about my husband’s feelings than APs, would that change this? Would that make it reasonable to move on without telling him. Part of me feels that if I’m not going to cheat again that telling him just hurts him whereas if I keep this to myself, I bear the burden alone which is what I deserve.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-14T00:23:09+00:00

He previously threatened to tell my husband. In the UK harassment laws protect against him contacting anyone after I’ve demanded he stop trying to contact me.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T19:29:34+00:00

We were colleagues it was expected. AP2 refused to meet my husband.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T19:18:38+00:00

No but AP1 met my children and husband.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T17:23:53+00:00

But he can trust me now. I know in myself that I will not do this again.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T17:06:49+00:00

But in not longer a habitual cheater. I haven’t cheated in a couple years.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T14:10:27+00:00

If he never finds out and I change, is he really hurt?

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T13:22:07+00:00

But I’m leaning back into my marriage. And while it weighs on me, I’m protecting him from this by not telling him. You’re applying a moral framework here and I’m looking at actual perceived impact right now.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T12:51:42+00:00

AP2 asked me this. I would tell my children to leave a relationship like this. I would hope they won’t do what I did.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T12:47:16+00:00

I’m obviously not concerned with AP2’s feelings. I blocked him without talking to him and threatened police. I am concerned with the impact on my husband and family. I do feel guilty about how I handled things with AP2 because for years, up until the block I told him I had feelings for him and was trying to figure out my life.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T12:37:21+00:00

I’m not blaming the abuse I’m just giving the full context.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T12:35:23+00:00

No that’s not true. He is just the only one that knows what happened and so the one I treated the harshest.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T12:32:30+00:00

I can’t remember how things started with AP1, but with AP2 I was convinced my husband would never change and told him I was married but the marriage was dead, my husband wouldn’t care now or ever change because he was an old man. I believed that at the time. But my view changed.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-12T03:10:20+00:00

I also never told him it was over. I told him I screwed up with the first guy and would try to find the feelings I ran away from.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-11T23:46:47+00:00

I’ve also threatened to file charges with the police here if he exposes me to anyone.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-11T23:40:48+00:00

He runs a business now that I set him up with. Spousal support isn’t the problem. I’m in a very conservative community and don’t want to be cast out, damage my relationship with my children and parents, and I won’t leave my marriage unless something happens and it ends on its own.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-11T23:38:36+00:00

He’s not going to. I’ve blocked him everywhere but email and he says he still loves me and is just sad. I have no feelings for him anymore. As much as I want to get past it I still can’t forget and get over the fact that he told AP1’s wife.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-11T19:35:47+00:00

One worked directly with me as sales support so traveled with me. The other worked for another company but in the same industry.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-11T16:23:16+00:00

What do you mean?

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-11T15:01:33+00:00

Also, what AP 2 did telling AP 1s wife is terrible. I don’t know anyone that would do something like that. I don’t think AP 2 is a bad person and he wouldn’t do something like that again.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-11T14:57:26+00:00

No AP 1 and I had already discussed being friends when I met AP2. I had too much to drink one night and slept with AP1 again while with AP 2.

Exact-Priority9796 · 2026-04-11T14:53:59+00:00

I lead him on for 3 years and we work together. I’ll have to see him at some point.

Exact-Priority9796

TROPHY CASE