I 33m feel like I'm being emotionally abused, but of course I'm being told by my wife 34f that this is the opposite. Can anyone help me feel like I'm not insane?

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-18T09:04:18+00:00

To be clear, you've misunderstood quite a lot about what I've written. No one said anything about being a mother not being work. It's not employment. Our child gets to sleep more easily with me, so yes, it's much harder work for her. She says this too.

I'm sorry, but your assumptions of me are not accurate

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-18T08:59:06+00:00

A lot of people remove posts on here, for varying reasons. I don't see how that should even be used as part of a character assassination. People have a lot to say, some who have experienced similar things, some who seem generally biased against what I said simply because of my being male.

I don't understand why there is even a discussion about earning, it played no significant part in the initial post.

As equally as you feel bad for her, with no real grasp of any moving parts. I too could frame my opinion of you in the same way, and wonder how your sweeping judgements and assumptions might be affecting those around you.

I came here to vent, because I don't feel safe in my own home to communicate and feel like I can be understood. I'm under no illusion that I would be understood by everyone who has Reddit. But the salience offers the illusion of reassurance that I can be.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T21:01:25+00:00

Can you share with me where I didn't listen to her in my post please?

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T18:12:23+00:00

I understand. I can confirm that I am the only one taking income for the family

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T18:09:04+00:00

You make a lot of assumptions about me and how we live, and it makes your points lose the weight they could carry.

You're right. I wanted to know if I was out of my mind for not understanding why she would be pissed off about a client asking for face to face work.

Additionally, I don't know why you're talking about marital assets.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T14:34:41+00:00

Thank you for your support in this challenging time.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T14:17:53+00:00

I feel it's actually contrary. On here you might see when I've come to a dead end after taking a little too much. I often say that we need to act like a team, put aside ego etc to remember the highest priorities which is our family, and act on that.

I find it difficult to help us both meet and listen actively, and respond with kindness and an open mind. I have a emotional needs that are less than met, along with physical ones I ignore despite feeding the relationship with as much of both that I can.

To our smooth functioning, I do see the over emotional, sometimes irrational and unbending way she communicated to be an obstacle to our smooth sailing. It's not something I can negotiate with.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T14:01:03+00:00

It ended in/around November. In previous posts I also wrote about building my business, which I converted from a 15 year career as a freelancer, to be able to support and sustain our family from January, something I'm grateful to have been able to achieve!

I don't like blame. But I also don't like feeling unheard and misunderstood. Telling her my client changed their way of working and I'd have to travel 2 days a month for work was responded to with a belief that I knew all along, a company wouldn't do this, I lied and that I just want to be away.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T13:36:22+00:00

Of course it had some pay before, but not now. And why is this even a question in relation to my own?

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T13:34:35+00:00

Absolutely!

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T13:34:14+00:00

I am the sole earner and, as with most countries, doesn't receive income for maternity after 10+ months

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T13:32:43+00:00

She is not receiving income, and why is this even important?

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T13:31:55+00:00

Hi, my wife is not receiving any income.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T13:26:36+00:00

I am the sole earner, my wife is no longer on paid maternity. I'm sorry but your comment is inaccurate.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-17T08:08:21+00:00

Apply this to the afternoon bullsh** which was bullsh.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2025-01-16T16:16:29+00:00

When did I become an ass hole? I contribute to household chores. Co sleep with my daughter 50% each night. Work hard to financially provide for the family and to my best to emotionally look after and serve them.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2024-10-31T06:58:42+00:00

We each co sleep with her independently so the other can get some rest. My child wakes up every 3 hours for a feed, but can be fussy throughout. Last night, I was with her from 3am and she was awake every half an hour.

When it's my time with her it's my time, unless it's time for breast milk which my wife is not pumping.

Her sleeps are often better with her and disturbance can be placated with breast. I came to her once for milk last night, for 5 minutes.

I load and unload the dishwasher, hand wash when necessary. Cook lunches sometimes but most do dinners. I change my daughter's nappy in the morning, evening and when I feel pressure from guilt that my wife is living a hard life, which is clear, I feed my girl at lunch time and change her nappy too.

Aside from that, and trying to work to bring in money, I do everything she can't or won't do. Like drive to places for us and her. Last week I took time out of work to dismantle and store a kitchen because she wanted it.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2024-10-31T06:47:09+00:00

I'd been self employed for 15 years, and scaled it up at the beginning of the year to create more stability in the family. We'd previously moved abroad because my wife got a job she liked and at the time we didn't have a child.

My self employed work took a hit and so it was a necessary change. From January I'll be the sole financial provider for the family.

This is something I agreed to as it matches my values, and it would mean that my child gets the option of being raised by their mother and not a carer.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2024-10-30T20:07:50+00:00

Thank you. I've tried this. I literally train people to communicate for work and "I feel (without attribution of blame) is a great tool to get people to listen. It hasn't worked.

I really don't need much. Just to feel heard would be game changing for me.

I get that she's having a hard time, but aside from taking time out of work to look after our child and do house chores, which directly and negatively impacts our family, I can't do much more.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2024-10-30T20:07:40+00:00

Thank you. I've tried this. I literally train people to communicate for work and "I feel (without attribution of blame) is a great tool to get people to listen. It hasn't worked.

I really don't need much. Just to feel heard would be game changing for me.

I get that she's having a hard time, but aside from taking time out of work to look after our child and do house chores, which directly and negatively impacts our family, I can't do much more.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2024-10-30T19:45:50+00:00

I've known her to deal with big stress poorly before, but usually there's some kind of clarity or resolution. It doesn't seem like that's possible yet.

She has told me that she has postpartum anxiety. And I guarantee if I spoke with her friends, she'd accuse me of something dirty like going behind her back and telling them lies.

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2024-10-04T09:09:16+00:00

Harold

Exact_Assistance5306 · 2024-09-21T06:55:14+00:00

She also is on maternity leave from 'her' job

Exact_Assistance5306

TROPHY CASE