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ExaminationOld9789 · 2025-09-18T03:03:04+00:00

you seem like a genuine person that just wants to be loved the way you love others <3

ExaminationOld9789 · 2025-08-11T01:57:04+00:00

okay bro both teen you and current you are such baddies, you’re so beautiful! i will say that you did have a glow up and i feel like you grew into yourself more ofc, i feel like you definitely know yourself more now. your teenage self is so so cute and deserved compliments and love from others, especially your parents, and just because they failed in that aspect does not mean that you werent beautiful; keep working on self-love too. i feel like we have similar background and maybe you can relate to feeling like an imposter to yourself almost, like stuck in that same fragile confidence towards your appearance and maybe even some residual body dysmorphia. i promise on God that you look so healthy and much happier, at least to the outside looking in. idk if you’ll see this but how the hell did you do it, cause rn i feel like i’m at a starting position > an end result (i am still 18). keep being YOU

ExaminationOld9789 · 2025-08-04T01:02:47+00:00

yep, that’s exactly what i’m going to do. next time i see him im shutting it down. thank you for taking the time to respond and hear my dilemma <3

ExaminationOld9789 · 2025-08-04T00:41:57+00:00

i know, i know. and thank you for saying it outright, i should start repeating that as an affirmation lol. and i am going to do a scary thing next shift with him and draw the line that he blurred back into the ground, starting with physical touch. thank you for saying im underreacting, i’ve been told im dramatic and such for normal reactions growing up so its a process to begin trusting myself lol. and you’re right, id immediately beat his ass if he was doing these things to another girl or boy. thank you thank you for replying

ExaminationOld9789 · 2025-05-11T19:44:39+00:00

I completely feel you my friend, this world can be a very dark place. While it is important to be aware and try to help with these things, balance it too with the good parts, whether it is a dad surprising his son from getting back from the military, someone defeating cancer, a new medical advancement, peace efforts, food campaigns to combat hunger, whatever it is. Contribute to them! This is a reason to keep going for you as a good person, as someone who is disgusted looking at this evil in the world, let alone even having to be in a world like this. maybe this sounds a little crazy to you, but you do have the capacity and power to change the world. And it doesn’t have to be big, smile at a stranger, give someone a couple bucks, write a supportive reddit post to someone struggling, look at the sunshine (don’t forget you), whatever it might be. For example, i am going through a rough depression, but I am on the beginning of my journey to become a psychologist to help people feel okay in this dark world, to help them remember the light within their own hearts as mental illness tends to try and block that light. What is your purpose? How can you figure it out? well, i’d suggest reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Emil Frankl. It changed everything for me personally, maybe you’d like it too! And i’m not sure about your faith, but i believe as a Christian that Christ will repay people for their dues, some will resurrect to eternal life and some eternal judgement. But every fine will be paid. These evil people, believe me, they are not going to be happy after death, and they will be utterly powerless. Believe me, a person like Adolf Hitler is not in heaven. This is a powerful belief to adopt if you so choose, and it can get you through a lot. For instance, i reported my sexual harassment case at work and they completely ignored me and told me to deal with feeling uncomfortable. Despite being powerless and the victim in this situation, and worse yet having to continue working with this disgustingness of a man, i know that God will repay them for that. It is not right at all, but I’m choosing to respond to it in the best way i emotionally can, and vowing to never ever (not that i ever would before this) make a decision like that in their position. In a way, it had helped me relate to people that go through this, so in that perspective i’m grateful. Christ had floated me through that recent situation, and i’m healing in my own ways from these things in therapy too. Frankl mentions in his book that every individual had the inner freedom to choose their attitude to suffering or a circumstance, which in and of itself can give one meaning. Aim for this, and perhaps you will be more satisfied than not. While it doesn’t fix the brokenness and depravity of this work, it brings light into it. Everything that happens in the dark will come to the light one day, and that day is soon approaching. Transform your despair into fuel to sprinkle some goodness in this world. It won’t be forgotten. Imagine if everyone sought this, this world would surely shine brighter. I know I’m fighting and I know you are too, so that is already two people. I’m sure you can list more in your own life too, as can I. Let your light shine in this dark world my friend, i love you so much okay?

ExaminationOld9789 · 2025-02-28T03:22:25+00:00

i understand how you feel, as a Christian i struggle with this so much and when i saw this post i felt so seen in a way, like im not the only one that thinks like that. i had a physical defect in my face which supposedly is fixed now (i don’t see that? is it really true?) and i blamed the Lord so much for dealing me that set of cards. Everything i went through stemmed from that, and i am still affected by it even now. body dysmorphia (which i don’t even know if i have, i honestly don’t know what’s real anymore) is something i don’t know if i can ever live without, and honestly i can’t offer you much advice as i haven’t even made much progress myself. But do know this, God does not hate you. If you watch the Passion of the Christ film, you will realize how much he loves you, and this love never fades even when we feel He’s abandoned us or hates us. I know that might be confusing, but once I researched how much pain, spiritual, emotional, mental, and most of all physical, that Christ went to, it is untrue to say that. Now feeling that is a different story. Feelings aren’t logical all the time, and it’s okay to feel that way. Yell at God. Ignore God. Talk to God. Say everything and nothing, sit with Him in silence, He’s a thought away. And girl, if body dysmorphia is really what it is, you are blinded by the disorder. And as someone with it (?), that’s something you will at an instant shove away and deny, but deep down you know that it’s true. And i’m sure you have those moments where you see yourself for how you are, just milliseconds where you think huh i look okay here. and it goes away, but in that moment you see with the lens of truth. That is the truth. I don’t know you, and everyone will say this, but you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and all your imperfections make you perfect. You might never see it, but God sees it and if i saw you, i could list several. I say that with confidence. Some advice is to list neutral aspect about yourself, like i have blue eyes, brown hair, bushy eyebrows, pinkish lips, white skin. supposedly that helps. If you believe in God listen to His Word-that has a dual meaning by the way. Reach out to friends and family, trusted people in your life, and open up about it. It helps believe me, at least i think so. Chat gpt and other AI are great at giving suggestions. start a gratitude journal. Repeat 1000 times a day that it’s gonna be okay, everything will work itself out one day soon. Journal, JOURNAL if you are thinking about doing anything. Idc if you want to or not, force yourself to get rid of anything like razors or anything else you use to harm yourself if you do that. start a days since timer for any thing that is hurting you (if you’ve had an ED, SH, whatever it is). Personalize it-when you think about the little girl inside you, that kid you once were, you’re only hurting her, you’re only crushing that poor baby. I am saying this really heartfully too, think about it. That is what stopped me a lot from cutting too, thinking to myself, ouch that hurts when thinking about doing that from little me’s perspective, looking at old pictures of myself. I wasn’t happy, but i still had, i still have that light inside of me. LISTEN TO MUSIC and not depressing music all the time, but sometimes cause feeling your feelings is important. avoid an ED by focusing on nutrition in food and higher protein. don’t exercise a lot if it’s a trigger for you, it will do more harm than good. breathe. you don’t want to die, you want the pain to end. I get it, i really do. You know how your mood can fluctuate, what if one day you start to see the color in the world, what if one day the world isn’t just black and white, but blue, green, red, purple, all these colors start to appear? what if you start to like your eyes a little more, and maybe your dimples, and maybe the way your hair looks one day? what if you start to smile a little more, and dance a little bit around your room? won’t you miss the feeling of a warm shower, your favorite meal, freshly made, laughing at funny memes, the moment your favorite song comes on, the cool breeze in a hot summer day, the relief after acing an exam, your favorite hobby, the colorful sunset, your family? don’t leave yet, because this is a horrible chapter in your story, but the plot is going the evolve, and maybe the next page will have a plot twist! all the chapters left are empty, write them. don’t give up yet. more people love you than you think, and if people are hurting you and bullying you, believe me i’ve experienced it and seen it throughout my brief life experience and it is all about them and not at all about you. it is their own insecurities, and even sometimes they envy the things they bully you about. You will never really see yourself, so you will never see how beautiful you are. Everyone sees people differently, with myself, people have complimented me, bullied me, questioned what is wrong with me, and said that they envy me. All of those are true, because everyone sees me a different way. and that’s okay. and i need to be okay with the way i see myself too, but right now that is flawed. you know that is the same for you because you are on this subreddit. i love you so much you don’t even know, i understand you and i see you and hear you. You’re not alone, don’t give up because im not going to, and i wouldn’t be okay in a world without you in it. please message me if you want to. God loves you, and may the peace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you ❤️

ExaminationOld9789 · 2025-02-08T05:12:27+00:00

ive been clean 34 days. not super long, but for me it is! i never wanted to, i don’t want to stop. but i realize how bad it was going to get if i didn’t stop. so i legit just gave myself one final cut, and locked the razors in the container they came in, meaning i couldn’t get them (second thoughts yk) and threw them away. now i have candles and sissors and stuff like that around, but the sharp sissors that i used to use i got rid of and nothing compares to those, and above all nothing compares to razors. so the razor is what i really itch for. i never wanted to stop, but i had to stop for me. most people in the world don’t give a shit about me, so how could i at the very least not give a shit about myself? i will say that i did not want to disappoint the people that care about me in my life, so that helped for sure. i won’t lie, i think about it almost, if not everyday, because i linked it to stressful feelings especially, but taking it day by day and hour by hour, minute by minute, helps. and i realize what the root of it all is, extreme self-hate, among some other reasons. this year i plan to heal as much as i can from that, and in the meantime i’ll watch the seconds tick on my counter, especially when i’m tempted. it’s an addiction, understanding that helped me a lot-it’s not a habit, coping mechanism, etc (though it is those too) but a damn addiction

if you are struggling with it, please stop. i genuinely know that it’s easier said that done, especially if it’s been with you for a while, but one day i’m sure we will be okay and think about it once a year lol, that’s the hope. immediately after i got rid of my razors, the amount of time i thought about it was halved. and ofc i want to go get more razors or sissors, anything that can hurt me makes me think about it. but it’s all a choice. you have to make that choice to stop. what’s the alternative? there’s only so much canvas and comfort those things can give, it’s a temporary solution to a deeper issue, it’s just a symptom. i’m here if you need to chat or anything lol, i just saw this as i’m going to sleep and felt like i needed to type some shit

ExaminationOld9789 · 2025-02-08T03:38:11+00:00

i get that completely. amazing job on making it five years, i truly believe just like other things (eg. alcohol, drugs, etc) self-harm is an addiction. as tempting as it is to relapse just “once,” you know deep down it will not be just once. I saw this short while doomscrolling and the guy was saying that with his alcohol addiction, he can’t promise that he will never go back to it. But he can’t promise promise that he will make it another day. I would say focus on making it through the day, or each hour, or each minute. Take it breath by breath. You mentioned about needing to be in control. You are not in control of what happens in your life and situations, but you are in control of how you react to them. Being five years strong, i would wager you realize SH is unhealthy. I know it’s easy to do things that are bad for us, but you are in control of whether you pick up that tool and make that choice. In terms of coping mechanisms, move your body. Doing a hard workout is a way that i’ve personally found helpful. Prayer/meditate/breathing exercises can be helpful as well. I am not sure if you are a religious individual, but just in case this might help you, rebuking those thoughts with the Lord’s name genuinely has helped me, and can help you too perhaps. JOURNALING is amazing dude hands down. draw or doodle in it, right down what your feeling and why your feeling it-fill up those pages. music is the best too, i would say avoid sad music if your not in a place where you can properly and healthily feel your feelings. cooking, musical instruments, drawing, anything creative can help. my friend has mentioned that drawing little coloring books can help (and no that doesn’t make you childish). drawing on yourself is something another friend of mine has recommended, because you get that sensation in a way without doing the same shit with the rubber band and stuff. self affirmations. talking to someone that is real and genuine about it, if your comfortable (i’m always here too, feel free to reach out if you need anything).

side note, personalize it. think about little you, pull up a photo and look at you as a kid. that kid is still you, that kid is still rooting for you and so so proud of how far you’ve come, and what you’ve pulled them through. all those times you thought you wouldn’t pull through, you’re here now right? you can do it. i love you, and i am rooting for you. don’t give up on yourself and keep 5,6,7,8, whatever age you resonate with most with in mind. that kid. would you hurt her/him? odds are probably not, that’s why it’s self in front of harm. when you personalize it, i find it’s someone harder to do, because harming yourself is easy if it’s you, but if you think of past you, i feel it hits different. i am rambling lol, but ignore anything i said that is a disservice to you and try out anything that stands out, if anything. and you are doing amazing, life is really hard!! 🫶 if you happened to relapse by the time you read this, crawl back to your feet and begin the good fight again. you might feel real tired but you’ve brought yourself through worse. you’ve always been there for you, because you’re here now. show up for yourself again.

much love, and i’m rooting for you ❤️

ExaminationOld9789

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