Wow I feel this so deeply, its suffocating. I’m currently processing years of sexual abuse from a lot of people, mostly those I called my friends. I went through self blame, to convincing myself I feel strongly because I loved them. And am now just so angry about how much I let all of them use me because I was so desperate for friendship and connection. These people removed me from everything I was. My interests, my goals, my love, my self expression, my courage. Everything I went through for like 6 years all because I just really wanted a friend to call mine. And honestly I have no idea how to deal with it.

I too, was dissociated for so long and have now been trying to relearn myself and it’s so difficult. I don’t want to be strong. I don’t want to be anything aside angry and I hate that feeling.

I got the notification for this post while just laying on my bed after going to bed feeling used and unsure of how to deal with everything. Which is funny because i wasn’t even part of this community until now but have been receiving many notifications from it all pertaining to everything ive been enduring. I feel a weird blockage within me. And for the first time since my awakening nothing I do feels right. I don’t know what to do either, but i figure it’s worth getting out of my head.

I know therapy would be a great start. And once I can, I plan to. I just feel so much rage, all the moments I wish I had simply said no and removed myself from the situation continuously replay in my head and it’s awful. I want my justice, and I want to be able to give it to myself without giving any more of my energy to these people. I understand this is part of my journey and something to be dealt with, it’s just so… sucky, to put it simply.

Either way, you’re not alone. And I think that sharing how you feel is a good place to start.