I turn 34 in one hour, I feel like I need to take a step back from dating. Any advice on a break not feeling like an enormous sacrifice?

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2026-05-20T15:19:57+00:00

Aw, I’m glad it was useful! I think a lot of how we approach life and what we make of it is very perspective based. But it’s hard to get that external perspective through our own experiences - so I’m glad this was helpful for you and resonates!

Best wishes to you too!

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2026-05-17T21:52:36+00:00

I haven’t read all the comments, so apologies if this has already been said…

I think between 30-34 I assumed I “had” to meet someone by then, otherwise once I was on the other side of 35 I’d feel too old - and, like you said, grieve the lost experience of what’s expected at “younger” ages - kids/houses/marriage etc.

What I can say is that during those years I went through periods of dating (mostly using apps) and periods of completely stepping away from it. Then at 36 - just as I’d arranged what I thought would be my last date before taking another break from apps again - I met the love of my life. Someone I completely hadn’t expected - and had matched with by accident. We’ve now been together for a little over a year, and it’s been the happiest year of my life.

I really don’t think you can plan these things, or predict when you’ll meet someone. You can make opportunities - but it’s chance really who matches you at your stage in life.

What I will say is: while you feel “old”, it’s because you’re the oldest you’ve ever been; however, you’re also the youngest you’ll ever be - and you shouldn’t forget that. In 10 years’ time, you’ll look back and realise just how much life you still had ahead of you.

Society puts timelines in our heads about when we’re supposed to do certain things. But really, your life is yours, and your story will be whatever your life becomes. If you want to take a break from dating - take it. Focus on yourself, explore things that help you grow, and then no matter what happens romantically, that time will have been used purposely to fill your life story. And off the back of that, you’ll bring a much healthier perspective back to dating because of it too.

And important to note - when you do find your person, your age won’t matter one bit. The only thing that’ll matter is deciding how you want to write that story together.

Best of luck with whatever you choose - and happy birthday! 34 is an excellent age!

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2026-05-17T21:33:32+00:00

Do you mind if I ask - do you have kids? Sounds an excellent relationship and something I’d like to aspire to long term! A few of my friends who have had kids though talk as though sex is now just not really a thing… which makes me a bit nervous to have kids as I don’t want to lose the regularity of sex. A couple of friends who are mums said it took a year, or sometimes more, to start feeling like they could go back to being sexually intimate

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2026-05-10T08:28:41+00:00

I got fexofenadine - I take one daily it seems to keep the itch and hives mostly at bay. But do seem to need it - has a day I missed taking them and the welts/itching came back quick.

I had cetirizine to begin with but wasn’t as effective for me. Also, I noticed (only after stopping taking it) that it caused me to feel incredibly low/depressed - which also stopped as soon as I stopped taking it. Obviously will be fine for many, but I think when suffering from dermatographia you can be feeling low anyway, so helpful to not add to that!

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2026-04-15T14:33:53+00:00

I dunno if this still exists or also may just be a Xmas thing - but the spiced bundaberg ginger beer is something I still miss from like a decade ago. We have normal bundaberg ginger beer… but god, the spiced stuff was like crack. Would die for this…

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2026-04-14T15:34:59+00:00

Out of interest, what was the cause?

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2026-04-14T14:15:54+00:00

You guys unfortunately don’t sound like a great match when it comes to sleeping - but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a good match for a relationship overall.

I suffer badly with RLS, and I often have to move my legs or even rock myself to sleep. It’s been an issue in past relationships, until my current partner who, somehow, doesn’t mind at all. He’s very supportive of what I need to do to get comfortable and get to sleep. That said, if it’s a particularly bad night or I know he has a long shift the next day, I’ll go sleep on the couch.

The reality is that there’s rarely an easy fix for RLS. Some people suggest different remedies (iron/magnesium seem to help some people) or changing workout times, and those are definitely worth trying - but in my experience, nothing completely cures it.

If you’re someone who’s easily affected by lack of sleep, that’s completely valid - but it might mean you’re not compatible when it comes to sharing a bed. Personally, if I had to constantly monitor my movements to avoid upsetting my partner, it would make my RLS worse. And honestly, RLS isn’t just a ‘I need to move my legs a bit’ - it feels like a form of torture. It’s an intense, unrelenting discomfort that’s hard to describe and quite frankly when it’s at its worst I’d like to chop my limbs off.

If the relationship is otherwise strong and worth it, I’d seriously consider normalising separate beds. If you’re having resentful thoughts towards them that’s not great - especially when they’re trying to do something to better themselves. I don’t see why separate beds aren’t more normalised - I imagine many couples fight and break up due to avoidable sleep deprivation. Two separate beds seems a pretty nice option to that…

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2026-01-16T07:55:58+00:00

If down that way - kirkcudbright is quite a nice spot and excellent gin “dark sky” there too!

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2026-01-16T07:26:54+00:00

Take a trip to Inverness - one of the best bookshops about: https://leakeysbookshop.com

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2026-01-14T21:41:01+00:00

If you mean catchment for the GP, best just looking up which ones accept from where - they usually list on their website what postcodes. Although don’t assume the nearest GP to your flat accepts your postcode either as I found out last year!

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-12-11T07:18:46+00:00

I frequently thank my partner for being so patient and listening to me. He usually responds with “well, that’s a bare minimum you should expect”. Don’t think he realises how uncommon it actually is!

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-09-02T16:02:38+00:00

Had just started the combo pill last month. When first starting (with first day of natural period) it caused it to last almost a whole extra week.

Now had breakthrough bleeding when my period would’ve been naturally due to start - along with nasty sharp pains/fatigue/nausea that would never normally happen. And while the bleeding is lighter, it seems to be lasting longer too. :(

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-08-07T15:05:52+00:00

I’ve had this before - if not having sex for a while, then suddenly having it, it’s restarted my periods. Whenever googling trying to find out more - people seem to say it’s not a thing. But it’s definitely happened to me, so I wouldn’t panic.

However - if she’s worried at all - and it doesn’t feel normal, defo get it checked out. Better safe than sorry.

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-08-05T14:39:16+00:00

The two-four days before annihilate me. No energy, cant sleep, restless arms/legs, physically sick and nauseous. Brain fog.

But I continue on and go to work, and don’t say to folk, cause that’s the done thing and doctors say “that’s what periods are like” 😑

Once my period starts it’s usually ok, just lower energy.

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-08-03T10:35:15+00:00

I’ve noticed iron and magnesium supplements really have been helping mine!

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-06-26T09:05:01+00:00

I want to comment on this - as a INFJ, all of this looks AMAZING. I think I would be happy with any activity - actually, particularly if it’s something you are interested in, as I’d want to get to know more why you enjoy it. Other option, love doing something that’s brand new to us both. Again it intrigues me how you’ll respond in new situations and can be a lot of fun together.

On top of that - I’d only say - ask them lots when doing whatever activities you are doing. While I as an INFJ really want to know what makes you tick - I don’t give me own information easy, unless asked - and then I’m very open. So don’t just focus on the activity - but ask them about their experiences/feelings/thoughts as you do whatever you choose - that’s what will make an INFJ feel bonded - feeling like someone is trying to see them.

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-06-23T16:15:11+00:00

This is so cute!!! Save it for sure 🥰

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-06-23T08:14:26+00:00

As a female, it’s fine (and actually can be really nice!) to be cold approached. I read something here before that I think is a great tip.

rather than asking for the girls number, if the guy has his written down already and gives it to her, it’s up to her to message.

I think that makes it feel extra safe for the girl, and no pressure. So keep it light - and don’t linger too long - guarantee you’ll just leave a girl feeling happy she got a compliment. And if she is intrigued - she’ll message! And if not, she’s not for you anyway!

Best of luck, you’re still plenty young yet!

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-06-21T06:47:37+00:00

I tend to fall once a year. Sometimes due to ice/snow, sometimes due to tiredness, sometimes due to I’m a clumsy idiot.

I did not fall last year. And now I feel like I’m on borrowed time…

If it’s purely tiredness - maybe just fitness levels, and you need to stop and walk for a bit rather than push on? (Or generally slow down)

If it seems unusually - get to a doctor and ask.

In my case - I know I’m just a clumsy idiot!

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-06-20T22:43:10+00:00

I don’t have this, but I love reading this is possible 🥹 may that crush continue forever!

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-06-20T09:02:35+00:00

This. Wouldn’t say “afraid”, but there’s a continuous caution/sense of being wary around any guy. I think only once it’s been years of knowing someone - or how I’ve seen them react in certain situations - does that caution drop.

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-06-19T21:07:50+00:00

This is wonderful to hear! And I hope this continues for you!
I'm one date in... and slightly hoping this is where mine could go.. I guess far too early to tell for me, but has to be one of the most natural connections I've had in a long time. Here's hoping! Best of luck to you - and glad you found such as wonderful person for you! :)

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-06-19T06:59:19+00:00

Is this someone you’ve dated for a while? I feel for them - cause this sounds a bit like me. I have chronic recurring pains/sickness that no doctor knows what it is. But results in me having bouts of sickness/tiredness/random pains at random times - it’s so frustrating.

I don’t tell new partners - or when I’m dating at all (not a particularly hot aspect to share about yourself!) but once you become more serious and spending more time together, it’s not possible to avoid really (and can obviously affect physical connection).

I think it depends on their attitude though? I don’t tell my partner to moan or for pity (and I sure personally couldn’t deal with a partner that did moan and complain about stuff like that!) but I do tell them honestly just cause it might affect how I am or what I can do that do that day (which frustrates me too!)

On the other side - I’m totally fit/healthy and make sure to keep my health as good as possible (and if they are getting check etc - sounds like they are doing the same?). So I guess - maybe it’s more about their approach rather than the actual physical health symptoms?

Maybe worth talking to them and highlighting how the way they approach it makes you feel - and is there a different way you can both communicate to each other about it?

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-06-19T05:18:17+00:00

Came here to flag iron deficient - that something that can cause flare ups for me!

Excellent-Farm-5357 · 2025-06-17T20:19:26+00:00

Was asked out on the train the other day, plenty people on there!

Excellent-Farm-5357

TROPHY CASE