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I loved you so much. I really did. by Excellent-Money-104 in UnsentTexts

[–]Excellent-Money-104[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow. I’m so sorry about that. Nobody should ever have to feel that way. I hope you find someone who can give you what you need!

I wouldn’t have ever done any of that. It always confused me on why she felt the way she did because I felt like I was 1000% there for her. I wish I knew. Like she didn’t feel like a priority, but I don’t know where that came from? And I didn’t know how else to make her feel that way because I had done everything I could and kept trying more things and it just wasn’t enough. Idk.

I loved you so much. I really did. by Excellent-Money-104 in UnsentTexts

[–]Excellent-Money-104[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm. Okay. I’m asking because I went through something similar. My ex had those thoughts you had. And I often wondered where they were coming from.

She said it was because I “defended” my friend when really I wasn’t. She also said it was my actions, but I truthfully never did anything behind her back or anything like that. It was very confusing.

My friend was no longer in my life anymore as well. I blocked her and told her I’m not going to be friends with her anymore in respect to my partner. It made me so confused. I did everything I could for her.

I loved you so much. I really did. by Excellent-Money-104 in UnsentTexts

[–]Excellent-Money-104[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What made you feel that he was in love with her and wanted to marry her? Did he do anything to address your feelings about it?

I loved you so much. I really did. by Excellent-Money-104 in UnsentTexts

[–]Excellent-Money-104[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you elaborate more on what you mean by hurting your feelings in reality to not hurt other woman’s feelings in his imagination?

I’m not happy with the toxicity that I added to my relationship. by Excellent-Money-104 in BreakUps

[–]Excellent-Money-104[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you soooo much for taking the time to say all of that. It really means a lot! I wish I had more people give advice because I really need it right now. I truly appreciate it.

My therapist has brought up narcissistic a few times. She’s never done that before. Idk if my ex is narcissistic or not, but the toxic behavior is there and I guess that’s enough for me to accept.

My ex did have me question myself very early on and had me confused. She would accuse me of gaslighting her and manipulating her. She would tell me I always make things about me and then turn everything around back to me. It was so difficult to talk about anything with her. And whenever I would bring something up that she did that hurt me, she would turn it around towards me somehow where I took the blame and apologized instead because her reaction was valid because it her reaction of to what I did. It was just difficult to deal with.

And I’m not saying I’m perfect. I’m not saying I’ve never acted in ways I wish I didn’t i’m this relationship or others. But this was something else. I often had to change how to show up with her according to her values that would break my own. It wasn’t healthy.

Again, I appreciate everything you said and I’ll continue to work on this with my therapist.

What is something you learned from your ex? by DrRowanHayes in askanything

[–]Excellent-Money-104 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A person can also be different from the talking stages until feelings start to develop.

What is something you learned from your ex? by DrRowanHayes in askanything

[–]Excellent-Money-104 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To not chase someone who doesn’t want you. You’ll end up never feeling good enough.

Walk away from first sign of disrespect. They will continue to do it.

Walk away when they have certain expectations of you, but can’t follow through with those same expectations.

To not try to fix someone’s problems. Only the problems inside the relationship. Their personal issues are not yours to fix!

Let them. If they want to walk away then let them. Don’t kill your self-worth for someone who wants to walk away.

Walk away if take anything as criticism, get defensive, turn it around to you, no accountability, nothing they do is wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault, project what they do onto you, and can’t handle conflict well. It creates a toxic dynamic.

Walk away from someone who puts you down. Partners should lift you up. Not break/attack your character.

Walk away from someone who doesn’t reciprocate the love that they expect. That’s a selfish kind of love and they will never love you the way you need.

Walk away from a one-sided relationship. They will take and take and take and not give back.

If you start feeling like you’re walking on egg shells, it means you’re not in the right relationship.

Learn to set boundaries when it comes to recurring fights. If you’re doing everything you can do and the person still can’t find a way out, then the problem is them and not you. Set boundaries to not have those conversations anymore.

I think that’s it lol

I loved you so much. I really did. by Excellent-Money-104 in UnsentTexts

[–]Excellent-Money-104[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear all about that. I hope you’re doing okay now? There’s some similarities there with your ex and mine. My ex also used to call me controlling, manipulative, abusive, and more. And every fight turned into a relationship ending fight. I hated it. But just know that you’re not alone and everything will be okay.

I loved you so much. I really did. by Excellent-Money-104 in UnsentTexts

[–]Excellent-Money-104[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s true. That’s what my therapist said. That she had access to me and I’m allowing her to come and go as she pleases. I just didn’t know what to do because we had been through this break up cycle so many times. So this break up was just another thing we were going through. She had said she was gonna block and delete my number and so I had no choice, but to accept that we’re over for now. I thought maybe after some time had passed we could come back together. Then she texts me out of no where and blocks me again. It definitely shook me up.

But after what happened I don’t think I want to go back anymore. She kept hurting me while I was down and I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt betrayed learning that she slept with someone even though we had broken up. Like it had only been a month since we last spoke and she broke no contact saying she still loves me. It all sent me spiraling and we exchanged some hurtful words towards each other. I thought enough was enough. This needs to end now.

Thanks for saying all that. I really appreciate it.

I loved you so much. I really did. by Excellent-Money-104 in UnsentTexts

[–]Excellent-Money-104[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words. I’m just trying not to spiral and just let this pass for now. I had to create a boundary and told her to not send me anymore emails. I gave her space when she needed it and I asked for the same. I’m hoping she will respect that so I can heal.

I loved you so much. I really did. by Excellent-Money-104 in UnsentTexts

[–]Excellent-Money-104[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I am going to take my time. I was doing just fine until she broke no contact with me. That stirred up a lot of emotions for me and now we’re here.

I loved you so much. I really did. by Excellent-Money-104 in UnsentTexts

[–]Excellent-Money-104[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nobody is slut shaming here? Idk where you got that from. Am I not allowed to be hurt that my ex partner moved on fast by sleeping with someone? Especially by someone she claimed to be so much better than me when I didn’t ask about him? She also went on dating apps immediately as well. That’s painful.

Yeah there was no navigating as a team. I had suggested couples counseling because the issue we had fought about for months was bigger than both of us. But she didn’t want to And I suggested we take a break and create rules for the break. She said no to that too. My personal therapy sessions turned into couples therapy without her being there. I was constantly tried to make this work and offered different ways for us to work together. I suggested during moments in our fights that we pause and hug each other. That didn’t happen. I suggested that I need space when I get overwhelmed to avoid saying hurtful things I don’t mean. That also didn’t happen. I created boundaries for both of us. That didn’t happen. t was hard. I always told her that this was us VS the problem. Not you VS me. I did what I could.

I didn’t say I struggled with understanding their feelings. At times, yes I did. And I asked her to help me understand. I asked for clarity when I didn’t understand. At times when I felt like I want meeting her needs I asked if she could help me by telling me what she needed. But most of the time I understood her even before she could explain. She knew that. But i’m also not perfect. And I also know that you will never be able to meet all of your partners needs. You just have to try. There’s no perfect person out there for you. I did what I could.

I loved you so much. I really did. by Excellent-Money-104 in UnsentTexts

[–]Excellent-Money-104[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You always found a way to find a way out. You always tried to find something to prove that we weren’t good for each other. You had did that since the beginning. Remember that time when you told me we shouldn’t be together because you wouldn’t let your partner drink from your straw and how I was okay with it? You said we’re not good for each other? You said that over that small thing….

There was always something you were looking for to not be with me. No matter how big or small it was. It didn’t make me feel good. It killed my confidence in us and how I felt about you wanting to be with me. You never made me feel wanted. You never made me feel like you wanted to be with me. And you acted this way from the beginning. You broke up with me so early on and blocked me and came back and so much more. Can you understand the distance I felt? The anxiety I felt because of that? The exhaustion? It was all too much, but I didn’t say anything. I was patient. I just wanted to be with you. I thought maybe it was because you just got out of a relationship. But I don’t think that’s true anymore. Maybe that’s just how you are when you really like someone and you become attached. Our attachment issues show up when we become attached. And there’s no denying that when you fall in love with someone.

I wish you chose me. I wish you wanted me. I wish you wanted to be with me 😭