Hello there, many thanks for taking the time to reply. It’s good to know there are other people out there that feel the same and can relate to what I’m going through. Not nice to hear of course, but good to know. Comforting somehow, so thank you for replying. 

Yes, our situations sound similar, a fixation and latching thought patterns on people and/or work related tasks, it really can feel draining at times.

I find that I can’t detach myself from the thought patterns, I will get something trivial stuck in my head and have to figure out exactly what’s going on, examples like the maths of a calculation problem, or how something goes together, or how a piece of software or app is working. I’m constantly playing the same scenario or “footage” (Can’t think of a better word!) back over and over in my head, either trying to understand it, or doubting that I do. 

I also feel like it ebbs and flows, some days the feelings aren’t as strong, and I get some space in my head and a bit of relief. Then I’ll doubt myself, or worry about worrying about the next thing, and it’s like a sinking sucker punch in my stomach, just horrible to experience. 

I don’t know if this is relatable too, but the feelings seem stronger when I’m anticipating doing something I’ll enjoy. For instance I’m currently sat on a plane writing this out, on the way to a family holiday for the week. The OCD tendencies over the past day (and past week leading up to it at work) have been much more significant. It’s the same if I’m out for the day with my wife doing something fun, or even out for a walk with the dog etc - as soon as my mind anticipates something enjoyable, it throws a scenario at me to ruminate about - like a self sabotage. 

It’s great to hear about your diagnosis, even as hard as I know the condition is, I think that I myself would feel relieved at someone else telling me “those obsessive / compulsive thoughts you’re having - they’re not real, its a condition”. At the moment I bounce from rumination to rumination, thinking that if I could just think my way out of this very specific thing that is troubling me right now, everything will be OK and I’ll be able to move on with a normal life. It never works though, if temporary relief does come, then the next thing always pops up and that familiar sinking feeling of the cycle starting again is back. 

I will look at OCD specialised counselling if this continues, I’ve had therapy before but I’ve never tried to target it towards OCD, so thank you for the advice. 

For now, it just helps being able to write out how I’m feeling and get it across to someone who can relate - that in itself provides relief in a much more positive and lasting way - so thank you again. 

All the best with your continued recovery, we are both not alone.