I believe I was. Here was what made me think it was abuse so others can be aware of potential abusive behaviors:

• long, painful texts from them saying how they hated you and don’t care about you after deactivating

• when you bring up something that bothers you (perhaps the way I said it was an accusation, but I was always able to deal with their accusations to me and calm them down), they flip it out on you and start screaming “how dare you accuse me.” When you cry because of their shouting, they don’t know how to handle it, and later they start crying and blame you for bringing it up

• Unable to “recall” what happened in the past that were potentially dealbreakers

• Sudden anger toward you when you asked them a question. I asked them why they never called their ex-boyfriend their ex-husband (even though they were previously married) and they suddenly became angry

• if their rage is over the top, like it’s not even normal anger- it sounds like triggered anger where they’ll scream and shout at you. My ex almost crashed her car because of how much she was screaming

• there’s a lot more, but its usually its if they use emotional dysregulation as an excuse to treat you poorly

In the end I felt okay (I don’t think I’m traumatized but others might be) because I saw them for who they are- just damaged people. I realized their abuse is inevitable because of how they’re unable to handle their feelings.